To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

This is the sensible thing to do and you should absolutely do something like this.

But...

Is it just the colour she's being a prima donna about? Because if it is, you could get something like this https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/0asAAOSwtM1bo-bW/s-l1600.webp, and send her a pic before the Big Day and say 2I've done what you asked! Hope you like it."

If she's that desperate for you to have blonde hair, she can pay extra for the photographer to edit your hair in every photograph you appear in, which should cost her a pretty penny!. Although even then I think she's a major cheeky fucker for even suggesting it.

Absolutely stand your ground. As a wedding photographer I love to see a bit of individuality in weddings, and it makes the photos far more interesting.

Don't let her bully you!

I think it’s time for a frank discussion with Bridezilla. Let her know that you have zero intention of dyeing your hair blonde - ever. It’s red and it’s staying red. (Personally, I think it would look amazing with pink flowers in it!)

She now feels hurt that I don't want to so I've kinda been guilt tripped into doing it

She’s hurt that you won’t change your hair colour? Give over, she is not. She just wants her own way.

You're a person not an accessory.

Just say No!

I don’t actually read your post in the same way as everyone else.

if you don’t want to be a bridesmaid, please don’t do it. I think it will ruin the day if you’re there with a puss on; it’s really noticeable if someone doesn’t want to be there. You have time to just say you don’t want to do it.

separately, you should seek some help for your self-esteem issues, as they seem to seriously encroach on your life, and this entire post is very “woe is me”.

no one has the right to ask you to change your hair, no. I personally wouldn’t have asked you to be a BM as I don’t love brightly coloured, “false” looking hair, but your sister knew that when she asked and you shouldn’t change it. Im baffled that you had some sort of confidence crisis and changed your hair after your last sister’s wedding. I’m not sure why your husband is also trying to make you feel bad regarding this situation, as if your sister wants you not to be recognised as you in photos. This won’t be the case.

The only thing false is the sister asking her to be bridesmaid, she wants a version she likes of her to be bridesmaid!

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want someone you had a good relationship and bond with to not be your bridesmaid, because you didn't like the colour of their hair!?

I think you need to establish why you're so shallow, not character assassinate the OP.

I wouldn’t have ever asked my bridesmaids to wear anything they didn’t like or change their hair- their individually is why I love them! They also all came to try on dresses together and pick something that flatters them all and they feel comfortable in.

@Coldsore you would not have a good friend as a bridesmaid if their hair wasn’t the correct colour for you?

Well, that says a lot more about your self esteem than the op’s. Surely embracing your friends as they are is the most important thing. And if you can’t then ask yourself why not.

I’m guessing this isn’t even about the wedding at all, but a family dynamic where you’re the black sheep and she’s the (possibly younger?) sister with a deep urge to fix the difficult issues, but, with a child’s understanding, has fixated on your hair colour, mistaking the outward manifestation for the underlying problem.

Am I close?

My suggestion is to talk to your hairdresser about the problem and then bring your dsis for a consultation so she can hear that blonde is the single worst choice you could make.

And then take her off for a long heart to heart about what is really going on for her.

Spot on.

More thanks

I'll pass on the skin cancer and being bridesmaid.

OP - throw it back in her court. I am not changing my hair but if you want me to stand down as bridesmaid that's OK. Which do you prefer?

Personally I wouldn’t have asked you to be bridesmaid to avoid this very situation.

Why would you base your choice of bridesmaid on their physical appearance rather than their relationship with you?

Why would you base your choice of bridesmaid on their physical appearance rather than their relationship with you?

Why would you base your choice of bridesmaid on their physical appearance rather than their relationship with you?

Because I would want my bridal party to look normal? 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t be good friends with someone who made their hair their personality. I would find it extremely tiresome to be friends with someone so insecure, yes!

I wouldn’t be good friends with someone who made their hair their personality. I would find it extremely tiresome to be friends with someone so insecure, yes!

Shallow

I wouldn't change my hair colour for a wedding. I don't feel like myself when I go to my real colour.

I’m not shallow - I’m just massively put off by people who need to make their hair their personality/bright hair colours. I don’t like it. Same with blow up doll lips and over the top make up - anything overly unnatural. It’s not to my personal taste.

I am not character assassinating the OP I think she needs some therapy.

How is that shallow? It’s to do with their personality, rather than their looks

@Coldsore other peoples hair "not being to your personal taste", so you wouldn't choose them is the epitome of shallow.

@Coldsore anyone else need therapy?

Hands @Coldsore a mirror!

@PiperLeo

That's what my husband said 🤔

I was just thinking who the fuck cares about your husband's opinion. Then I noticed you were the OP 🤦‍♀️🤣

Red is probably the most reasonable BRIGHT colour you could dye it.

Although I think blue is ridiculous for that type of wedding and I've been blue pink purple etc.