To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

Your sister is a self obsessed bridezilla. Ugh weddings bring out the worst in people.

I’d tell her that you are happy to do the bridesmaid duties before the wedding (help her into her dress etc.), but you’d rather be comfortable during the day, in a dress which suits you and your hair as it is.

Yanbu, your sister is.

Wedding photos are usually rather generic and boring, especially if everyone’s personal look has been forced out of them by the bride. I think it is totally unreasonable of your sister to ask.

Wtf.

Do not change your hair. Let her ‘sack’ you.

And if anyone at the wedding asks why you are not a bridesmaid, tell them.

What a fool she is being.

She either accepts your red hair or accepts you won’t be a bridesmaid and if she doesn’t accept the hair then she has zero right to be upset that you are not a bridesmaid

How strange that people are like this about weddings. The last two massive weddings I went to have ended up in divorce so I do wonder what all the fuss is about.
Don't be a bridesmaid because I think it would be unpleasant and stressful.
Don't change your hair or body for anyone but yourself.

I fell out with my friend when I was bridesmaid once as I refused to have a course of 5 sunbeds to give me some colour! Ignore it.

Bloody hell.
Your sister is nuts.
Maybe I am, too, however, I also have reddish hair since childhood, albeit very fine 😁.
For me, this would be a reason not to attend the wedding.
🤬

It's a wedding not a photoshoot
How shallow.

The bigger thing that jumps out to me is that you don’t want to be a bridesmaid anyway. I know it’s really hard but having that discussion about how you will be more comfortable just attending would be good (not if it be would make your MH worse though.)

Otherwise if you want to go ahead, your sister gets you with red hair or not at all

I'd say you were willing to have it in an up do so it's less prominent but your hair will be red so it's her choice if she wants you to not attend

That's mental !! It's like saying take up smoking so you'll be thin in the photos.

I have pale skin and would get a spray tan if asked, but would never speak to someone again if they "needed" me to do a sunbed !!

Good grief how strange. I would never make a bridesmaid wear a dress which they didn’t feel confident in and changing hair colour is a another level of entitlement and batshittery.

Just say no to all of it.

I agree with just saying you're not going to do that. Offer to step out of being a bridesmaid.

Obviously I've known people who only have small bridesmaids and some if that is about the cuteness factor, but if you're going for adult bridesmaids you accept that you're doing it because you want them around, not because they are cardboard cut-outs. But this whole bridesmaid/bride thing seems to have got massively out of hand in recent years.

Very shallow

It's so lovely that your hair gives you a sense of confidence and makes you feel good

Please don't let her request diminish that. I would let her know your hair will be as it always is but that you understand if she doesn't want you to be a bridesmaid if she wishes

No ifs and buts, you should be unapologetically you

Just tell her that you don't want to dye it, that you're happy to step down from bridesmaid duties if you don't fit with her aesthetic but you're not willing to compromise on this because it's important to your self esteem. She can take it or leave it.

People like you have forgotten what the true purpose of a wedding is. I find it so silly!

My gut says no bride should ask a bridesmaid to permanently change anything about themselves.

I do feel a bit guilty as my three sisters were my bridesmaids and I chose dresses and hair styles that I suspect none of them liked but none of them told me this.

Both the dresses and hair were not unusual - just maybe not what they would have worn. The hair was literally a bun at the nape of their necks with small flowers.

my youngest sister cut her very long hair the week before the wedding to a pixie cut. Never said anything to me but it was clearly a protest of some sort. I never said anything to her and the hair dresser on the day just added small flowers with clips.

i suspect your sister is worried the colour of your hair will stand out too much in the wedding photos and distract from her

ask her if it’s this

Agreed! But they are at least in the vast minority!

You’ve had your hair that colour for years, it’s not like you dye your hair different colours every month (then I could understand). But you won’t look like you on the photos if you change your hair.

Id just tell her that you are not prepared to dye your hair but you understand if she wants you to step down as a bridesmaid. Its her choice then.

I doubt many people would want to be your bridesmaid, thankfully.

It's not all about the insta!

Tell her to fuck off. What an absolute Bridezilla. Wedding photos should be a memory of a lovely day surrounded by the people you love. The fact that she is criticising your appearance means she is shallow and does not love people for who they are.

Christ, she hasn’t let you pick out a dress that suits your shape and now she’s trying to dictate your hair? Hopefully she’s lost her mind a bit and become bridezilla but is usually nice. Honestly I’d suck up the dress and offer to wear a wig (at her expense) as it’s your sister and not worth starting Ww3 over.