To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

It’s completely fine to have preferences on types of people you would get on with, based on the relationship between stereotypes of looks and not.

im unlikely to want to be friends with someone who has had blow up doll style cosmetic surgery.

tbh if that makes me shallow, im totally fine with that! 😃 shallow isn’t some horrendous insult and im able to acknowledge and be honest.

i still don’t think OP should change her hair though

@Coldsore stop dictating that people need help because they've chosen cosmetic surgery or unnatural hair colour.

Your strong reaction about not being friends with such people is very odd and very shalllow.

Yet you decide they need therapy !

Shallow and low self-esteem is when you define yourself by how you look.

If I want my wedding to look nice and “normal” then it’s my right to choose friends/family who look the part and do not stand out like a neon light. I also would t choose anyone with tattoos or shaven head. I want NORMAL.

I don’t need to dictate it in this case - it’s extremely clear from the OP and everything OP is saying. She’s being very vocal about her crippling self esteem
issues and needs to seek help.

btw, getting therapy is also not some sort of insult - why do you think it is? Therapy is an excellent tool to help people solve issues in their life.

In the real world - at least the part I live in - I’m pretty sure everyone would agree with this.

people on here are either 1) lying to themselves 2) lying because it makes them
feel good 3) all have brightly coloured hair 4) looking for a bun fight

Forget Piper and Leo, you need to channel Rose McGowan. It was in her contract that she couldn't dye her hair and that's why she did it every single season.

You’re her sister, not a photo prop. Politely decline being a bridesmaid if this is the condition.

So you select bridesmaids for aesthetics, not because you love them.

Sounds like the very definition of shallow to me.

YANBU. I was maid of honour for my SIL and I told her I wanted to do my own hair the day of the wedding, she knew I have a huge issue with not trusting hairdressers and hating the way they dry my hair. For my own wedding 4 months before, I’d done my own hair and I had my nails done while my 3 bridesmaids had their hair done. She was one of those bridesmaids.

I hated my bridesmaid dress. It was horrible clingy material, the top half wasn’t a corset style but still had the bone things that a corset would have, and it was miles too big for me and made my boobs look massive because the dress itself kind of stuck out due to the boning inside it. She made me get my hair washed and dried at the hairdresser and I absolutely hated the way they dried it - my hair was just above shoulder length at the time and wasn’t exactly a bob, and it had layers etc, but they dried it all curled under and curled the fringe under which I absolutely detest, and I was utterly miserable all day and haven’t even been able to look at photos of me from that day. They are going through a divorce now anyway so at least the photos won’t be on Facebook on their anniversary every Christmas like they have been 😂

I wish I’d put my foot down and said I wasn’t having my hair done at the hairdresser. I would now. I never even used to see anyone after a haircut because of the way hairdressers dry my hair- I used to drive straight home, go straight to wash and dry it myself before even letting my own DH see it, that’s how much I hated it (I finally have a hairdresser who does it the way I like it)

My point is, don’t let anyone else tell you how to have your appearance or you’ll be miserable on the day. Nobody else should be telling you how to have your hair. There’s nothing worse than being miserable wit h how you look.

I think it would look cool to have a flame haired bridesmaid

*So you select bridesmaids for aesthetics, not because you love them.

Sounds like the very definition of shallow to me.*

Exactly @Didimum

But tip disagree with these few on here, we are lying, got bright coloured hair, looking for a bunfigtht!

🙄

Stay as you are because you are in charge of your hair not your sister. If she doesn’t like this then let her tell you not to be a bridesmaid. If anyone asks why she hasn’t got you as a bridesmaid you can say that she wanted you to change your hair colour.

Shallow for wanting my wedding to look normal? What’s selfish are people who look freakish thinking it’s okay to appear that way it’s a wedding. No way!

Or maybe we’re just not dickheads.

Posts like this make me wonder if I live on a different planet. I'd never, ever ask someone to dye their hair to be my bridesmaid. That's just offensive.

This just made me do a sharp intake of breath.

There are some very odd answers on here.

This is a sister asking her sister to be a bridesmaid. If you believe in getting married and having a ceremony and it’s important to you to have your sister standing there as your brudesmaid, you do not get to dictate what colour their hair is (and also shouldn’t be making them feel uncomfortable in the choice of dress!)

If your sister already has bright red hair and has done so far a while too, then why would you want her to change her appearance? It’s who she is.

Why?

(Whatever ‘normal’ is).

you want everyone to conform to a certain standard that is your version of 'normal' - that is kinda shallow tbh

Why does having a certain hairstyle or tattoo means someone ‘defines themselves by their looks’? Maybe they define themselves by being a mum or by their job or their pets. How in earth do you know how they define themselves?!

I am the most ordinary person who has never dyed her hair, had tattoos or piercings. I would never exclude or judge someone who did though.

If the way something or someone looks is the top priority, then yes, it’s shallow.

I’m not sure what other definition you’re looking for. You’re, of course, allowed to have whatever opinion and wedding and bridesmaid you like, but it doesn’t mean it’s not shallow. Accept you are shallow and move on.

This^
she is very unreasonable. I think the best way is to approach it seriously without jokes or swearing. Tell her that you won’t change your hair colour for the wedding and thh it’s a very strange request from her. So if she can’t cope with how you look it’s better to choose another bridesmaid.

Who the hell tells someone to dye their hair? No one.

Jesus. I’d tell her to get lost. No one has pictures up of the whole wedding party anyway. You put up one of yourself and your DH in a frame in your living room. The others stay on your computer for ever. No one gives a shit.

I am so sick of people who use their weddings as a get out of jail free card to be the real them, a self centred absorbathon of everyone’s emotions, time and money.

I’ve decided I am not going to any more weddings that cause me any inconvenience from now on, unless it is one of my DC.

Not a chance! I’ve got colourful hair and have for over 20 years now… now way would I be changing it for someone’s wedding.

imo this needs a clear discussion and boundary set - “I know you’ve asked me to change my hair colour for your wedding. I won’t be doing this. You need to decide whether you accept that, and I will be a bridesmaid, or if you decide you don’t want me as a bridesmaid. Those are your options. I won’t discuss any changes to my hair again. It’s not happening. I would love to be part of your day as a bridesmaid, but you need to decide whether you want me as I am, or not” and leave the ball in her court. I would make it very clear this is 100% not up for discussion and what happened going forwards is up to her, but it’s her choice if she wants you to be a bridesmaid or not, depending on how much of an issue your hair colour is to her.

i hope you get this sorted and she doesn’t try and spin it back to being your fault as it 100% isn’t! This is an awful, selfish request from her and don’t let anyone try and gaslight you into believing otherwise (just incase you have any equally ridiculous family members who might try and act as flying monkeys about this)

Sorry, wrong! I am very unadventurous with my own look but love being around people who take more risks than I do!