Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

[rewarrrrd]

I just find it intrusive.

They very kindly babysat the other day, we came back and he'd done a couple of (pointless) jobs in the house.

I find it slightly judgemental, like my standards aren't high enough for him so he just has to put it right.

Also annoying that he's wasting time that could be spent with his grandchildren meddling around my house!

My feelings could come from my childhood though, my grandparents moved country when I was 1, dad moved town when I was 4, and my favourite auntie moved country when I was 5. Been largely on my own ever since because I have lots of younger siblings who needed/received more attention.

YABU, for a man of his generation it's probably the way he naturally shows he cares for you all. Not all men (or women for that matter) are good at playing with young children so this is how he feels he can help them and you best. It's not a comment on the state of your house it's just his way of showing love. Also if you don't want him please send him my way!!

What were the 'pointless jobs'?

My DP finds my DF doing jobs really annoying as well and I agree it isn't always necessary or we would rather do something our way though I know DF is trying to help and like to show his love in practical ways. Sometimes I now leave a task I don't really care about how it is done so that DF can feel helpful and we get something done that we are happy about. What kinds of jobs is it though? DIY I would hate, reloading the dishwasher his way I could ignore

A lot of men are like this. They see a loose screw or a squeaky door handle and they have to 'fix it'. Unless it is truly intrusive (like going into drawers containing private things or going in your master en-suite, etc), I think I'd just leave him to it. My stepdad is always fixing things. It's just what he does. My FIL was the same.

I agree with first poster.
Also your children while enjoy what grandad gets up to and will be one step behind him once they are old enough.

YABU! How awful of you.

What jobs were they?

What sort of jobs does he do? I think that makes the difference as to whether it would annoy me or not.

I’m quite capable of doing my own small jobs, but I’d bloody love anyone who willingly gave me a hand.

Some of my best memories of my grandfather is doing "pointless jobs" together. He taught me how to rewire a plug, put up wallpaper, paint the floors, take apart a motorcycle and I still have a hammer he gifted me when I left home 25 years ago.
Just because he is doing "jobs" doesn't mean he is not spending time with the kids.

Hardly awful of me. I said thank you and didn't show I was annoyed.

I just haven't grown up in a house where I've ever had any help. It's alien to me.

Honestly, if he's doing it out of love as most people have suggested, that makes me feel loads better about it.

I hate to think he does it out of judgement. But everyone is suggesting that's not the case?

He's doing it to be nice like a normal person

What jobs were they?

My PILs do this. Its definitely love! I tend to have a list of stuff to keep FIL out of trouble so he doesn't go fiddling with things we have plans for.

It depends what it is?

Bleaching the sealant around your bath - wouldn't like that, would feel judged.

Relaying a wobbly patio slab - helping

Painting your guest room lime green - nightmare

God, babysitting and a handyman, yes please.

He won’t be doing it to be judgemental, he’s likely bored of little children especially if mil is mainly in change of looking after them, and is finding things to do. My mum walks into my house and immediately gets the ironing board out, nothing I can do stop her unless I were to hide it and she probably wouldn’t take the hint! Fil would mow the lawn etc. leave them to it, they’re happy to be helping 😁

One of the jobs was descaling the shower head.....

I think this some people men in particular like to feel useful what are the "pointless " jobs ? He doesn't think you are useless with no standards he feels he is helping, if you don't want him helping tell him there is no need or have then babysit at their house, but honestly it isn't a reflection on you or their son.

My dad does the same, he’s just trying to be helpful in a way he knows how. He’s not judging.

I mean he can come and do mine that's a job most people forget !

Yup, agree, I think this is about love and not judgement. When my parents babysat DS, mum was largely in charge. Dad was there to do the heavy lifting. So I might well have come home to discover he'd done some weeding or emptied the dishwasher or whatever. Totally normal.

I think lots of parents are fully aware that having small children, especially if you're working means you're not necessarily having time to do all those other silly little jobs - like descaling things. So they don't mind pottering around to get them done for you.

Does he have any unmarried sons? Asking for a friend...

How is descaling pointless?

Fwiw I feel the same about MiLs helping.

Why do you take it as judging you not judging his son?

My FIL does wee jobs, and very much out of love. He's not a play with the grandkids kind of man so it keeps him busy. I'd make specific requests on what you'd like fixed if you can.