Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

[rewarrrrd]

I just find it intrusive.

They very kindly babysat the other day, we came back and he'd done a couple of (pointless) jobs in the house.

I find it slightly judgemental, like my standards aren't high enough for him so he just has to put it right.

Also annoying that he's wasting time that could be spent with his grandchildren meddling around my house!

My feelings could come from my childhood though, my grandparents moved country when I was 1, dad moved town when I was 4, and my favourite auntie moved country when I was 5. Been largely on my own ever since because I have lots of younger siblings who needed/received more attention.

She doesn’t sound ungrateful. She feels invaded.

I obviously don’t know your FIL but I genuinely imagine this is out of love and not judgment. My Uncle is like this. I live overseas and my aunt loves the hot weather but he doesn’t and will happily tidy out my shed, fix something, run errands etc.

I would echo what others have said - a lot of older men (my Dad included) do this. They like to feel useful. You are reading way too much into it.

They obviously come as a pair, nanny is looking after the kids, he feels a bit of a spare part so it's trying to 'help' out. I don't deny, because I'm a messy person, if someone tidied up my mess, I'd take offence and think they were saying it needing doing, and I would never get it done. But I also get that this is my issue, I turn things around in my head.

If my dad were alive, he would definitely find jobs to do, he was never one for sitting around, let alone in someone else's house.

Consider also different people love languages, especially in a parental role, doing things for those we love makes us feel useful and needed. Once our kids grow up, parents have no real role to fill.

But parents need to find their own role not deciding what needs doing in their adult child’s house.

Dont be irritated. Talk to him suggest one or 2 things he could do for you. Then politely suggest he leaves.... whatever to you. He only wants to feel needed.

I'd love thsi!! Not helpful at all I know but honestly it's not about your "standards" he's just being caring in his own way, it's a generational thing

I understand this from a different perspective. I don't like people doing things for me without at least asking first. It riles me up something rotten. You can't always control your reaction to things. For me, it's invasive because it feels like someone is taking control over my space. I don't think your feelings are unreasonable or invalid in any way. No matter what others say. It would maybe feel different if he asked if there was anything he could do, or you asked. But to do it without even telling you? I find that unreasonable. It's one thing to fold some washing that's sitting around it emptying the dishwasher while doing lunch. It's another to do odd jobs around somebody else's house.

It might be an act of love from their perspective but it doesn't mean it's the right thing for everyone. I'd hate for my dad to do any of the things you've listed. I'm a grown adult who is capable of doing things for myself, and it's okay to not want help unless you ask for it. Or they could at least ask before doing it. Some people really don't take kindly to having the control over basic tasks taken away from them, and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. Communication is key. Understanding how your loved one feels is important. The old man's feelings aren't the only ones that should be accommodated.

@ChocolateMudcake i mean I’m not sure who wants to pump up their own tyres but you do you!