Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

[rewarrrrd]

I just find it intrusive.

They very kindly babysat the other day, we came back and he'd done a couple of (pointless) jobs in the house.

I find it slightly judgemental, like my standards aren't high enough for him so he just has to put it right.

Also annoying that he's wasting time that could be spent with his grandchildren meddling around my house!

My feelings could come from my childhood though, my grandparents moved country when I was 1, dad moved town when I was 4, and my favourite auntie moved country when I was 5. Been largely on my own ever since because I have lots of younger siblings who needed/received more attention.

But the FIL doesn't know the OP doesn't like it. I am willing to bet my annual salary she never told him how she felt about it.

@Catza no need to bet. I've already said I haven't said anything, I only thanked him. I didn't want to be rude.

My MIL wanders round the house when she's over pointing out things that need to be done and she takes it upon herself to just 'do things' and it irritates me so much. I find it invasive and quite rude. If and when I become a mil I'd always ask first if they'd like me to do something. I wouldn't just start it.

I'm very proud and as a result of MIL's behaviour I feel like the house has to be spotless everytime she comes over with the garden mowed, flowers pruned etc which makes me so stressed out in the lead up to her visits.

Yes it might be her way of showing love but not all people like to receive this kind of love. It's horses for courses. I'm a massive introvert and my home is my safe space where only either myself or my husband decide how we're going to have things.

No, I wouldn't, I'd just say 'well do it yourself then'! No skin off my nose if they want someone trying to save them a job not to bother. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest! But then both sides of mine and my husbands family all help each other out in a multitude of areas and don't get pappy about 'overstepping'.

It wasn't a dig at you. I mean, you could say something if you felt particularly strongly about it. I am all for open communication.
Just don't mention that you think he is judging you. But, at the end of the day, if you don't want him to do it - say something.

Family can still be rude! When does helping become intrusive. There have been many threads on here where MIl has reironed clothes because obviously the DIL can’t iron shirts properly, rearranged cupboards/drawers, moved furniture, ruined clothes by washing in too hot wash, throwing out rug because they didn’t like it, replaced furniture/ornaments with something more their taste, destroying wild meadow garden the list goes on. But these parents all said they were helping.

Yabu.

It's love, not judgement.

My grandmother once cleaned my grey "distressed" boots with black polish. Intrusive? Maybe. However, I love my grandmother more than a pair of shoes so I found the gesture to be lovely.

YABU - that's a really sweet thing for him to do. He's only trying to help make your life easier, its nothing pointed at you. I'd give my right arm for a father in law like that - instead I got a one armed alcoholic we won't let near our kids, so you could be worse off 😂

@crumblingschools
@notacooldad OP has said they have history of overstepping*
She also said she never had anyone helping her before.
She has said she didn't realise that it was a way of showing love from some people and now has a different perspective on it.

Family can still be rude! When does helping become intrusive. There have been many threads on here where MIl has reironed clothes because obviously the DIL can’t iron shirts properly, rearranged cupboards/drawers, moved furniture, ruined clothes by washing in too hot wash,....
But that's not the point of ops post. She seems to be talking about small jobs that never get round to being fixed.

That’s a good job- more housework than DIY. Don’t think it’s any judgment, just sounds like he doesn’t like sitting about.

I would say those of us saying it could be judgmental have suffered at the hands of judgemental family. I would always ask first before doing something in someone else’s home (family or otherwise)

Yeah, I hate it when my mum comes round to look after the kids and then ends up doing the washing up etc. Mainly because I feel like I ought to be on top of things and not need my mum to help when I am in my 40's. It's definitely a my perception issue though. I am apparently never going to be grown up enough to have a tidy house.

YABU.

There are two issues here - one is the fact that you find it intrusive - he could be doing it out of love and wanting to ease your burden?

Secondly, you have said in subsequent posts that you don't know whether he is doing it out of judgement or love. I feel like that should be fairly obvious in the way he goes about things or speak with you.

I miss the days when my dad used to bring his tools on every visit. He just wanted to be helpful and he liked that the kids were fascinated by what he could show them. The last job he did for us was taking down the glass light fittings and getting the kids to help him get them sparkly - totally unnecessary, a quick swipe with a duster would've done. But it was thoughtful and bought him the company of his favourite people.

The overstepping comment isn't just from my perspective. My bil's wife literally won't speak to them after a few goings on

Ooh I'll take your mil please. Hate ironing and wish I had someone who'd come and do mine😂

I would feel judged if my MIL or FIL descaled my shower head! I would hate that.

The overstepping comment isn't just from my perspective. My bil's wife literally won't speak to them after a few goings on

I see OP.
@crumblingschools was just trying to pull me up on that.