Big bust up over holiday, but who's unreasonable about DC?

[on103]

We are due to go on holiday in a couple of weeks. Me, H, our DC and H's older DC.

He is self employed and it's the root cause of 99% of our issues. I am aware how difficult it can be but he absolutely uses it as an excuse to get out of certain aspects of family life. He is a workaholic imo.

Something has "cropped up" and he is now making noises about not being able to make the holiday. I'm so furious. I don't even know why I'm surprised. We have had a big argument about it with him saying I don't appreciate how hard he works (as if I don't) and me feeling like he never makes time for us. It will be the first holiday we've had as a family in years.

He has "kindly" suggested that I go by myself with DC which I've said don't worry I will be. However he was shocked when I said he could break to DSC that there wasn't a holiday anymore.

He seems to think he can duck out but I'll just go off with all the kids and leave him free for a week. I have said absolutely not. I'm going with DC but I am not going to take DSC too and let him duck out of his responsibilities. He can stay if he wants but he'll have to be the one to let them down.

I'm half minded to just never come back as it is!

Who is being unreasonable? (Aside from DH being a twat in general)...

Me for saying I'm not taking all the kids alone

Or DH for expecting me to just fuck off for a week with all the kids so he can work.

Yanbu. I’d be making it permanent too, tbh.

He is unreasonable. I’d not be taking the dsc either, they are his responsibility.

He is being unreasonable. Obviously if he has form for this, he thinks he's far too important for something as trivial as a holiday with his children. He shouldn't get to make decisions like that unilaterally, they are family decisions as they affect everyone.

Trouble is, now there's been a row, and the atmosphere is soured. If he comes under duress it will be a miserable holiday. So you can't win either way, the very important man has ruined it for everyone.

He is clearly being totally unreasonable. If this was a genuine emergency I'd have sympathy but it sounds like he a. Has form and b. Has time to sort it out if he actually wanted.

You're not being unreasonable on the face of it but it depends on how much of a role you play in your step child's life. If their mum isn't around, they live with you 100pc of the time and you've been their primary mother figure since they were 2 years old then I'd feel bad for their father letting them down and probably try and give them a holiday since you are more of a family unit. If you got together older and they stay with you every other weekend and they go away with their mum, then it won't be as shitty for them being left behind

Yeah he doesn't get to dodge responsibility like that

He is unreasonable.

Betting he never intended to go...

Counting down 3-2-1 for the first "but you kneeeeew he had kids when you got with him."

What a twat. You’re right. He’s awful.

Good for you! I'd take my child/children and would definitely reconsider the relationship. You're not his child are while he gets to be the big important man. Fuck that shit. What a shit dad he is as well as a shit husband.

YANBU

(unless the DSC live with you full time and don't have another parent, in which case I think you have to suck it up for their sakes and then deal with DH later).

How sad for the children involved but this is 100% not on you. How would that even be a holiday for you and what if something happened and you don’t have PR. Just no!

I bet he has time for his hobby/friends trips

YANBU

I have 4 DC, I would not have considered a holiday without DH being there to share the load in a new environment and they are all my DC!

The husband is the DSC other parent?? He needs to look after them.

Yanbu

How does DSC's mum feel about you taking their child out of the country on your own without DH? Who would then have PR if an accident happened whilst you were abroad. Yeh sod that shit.

You’re not unreasonable, aside from anything else what if something happened to DSC when abroad with no biological parent present, you’d be unlikely to be able to make parental decisions on their behalf etc. I know it’s worse case but it’s just nonsensical for them to travel without an actual parent. Plus don’t they get holidays with their mum, so they may get two trips and not miss out anyway but your kids just this one?

Generally it sounds way too much of an ask to go alone abroad with that many kids, regardless of whose they are it doesn’t sound much of a holiday!

As the saying goes, if Superdad wants to shit the bed on the holiday, he can change the sheets! You’re not wrong that he needs to be the one communicating why it’s now changed.

Yanbu, his kids are not your responsibility. If he can't be bothered then why should you?

Fuck that. No way does he get to dictate that you take his children on holiday whilst he has a week by himself. If he wants the dsc to go on the holiday, he needs to pull himself together and go too.

Yes, but he's a shitbag, we've established that.

Yep seems fair to leave the sc with him at home, you can take your own kids.

She means unless their mother is deceased in which they case they are the family.

If mother is an ex then OP isn't being unreasonable.

Yeah he's being completely unreasonable and I wouldn't be surprised if he's shagging someone else and trying to get you to cover "his time" I'm with DSC so he knows he won't get caught. I say this because he sounds like a right low life to ditch all his kids and especially ditching one on someone who isn't even their parent.

YANBU

If work is his number 1 priority then why did he have two sets of children?
I am always astounded when men expect any and all women in their life to facilitate anything and everything to do with their OWN children.

He can fuck off op.