Big bust up over holiday, but who's unreasonable about DC?

[on103]

We are due to go on holiday in a couple of weeks. Me, H, our DC and H's older DC.

He is self employed and it's the root cause of 99% of our issues. I am aware how difficult it can be but he absolutely uses it as an excuse to get out of certain aspects of family life. He is a workaholic imo.

Something has "cropped up" and he is now making noises about not being able to make the holiday. I'm so furious. I don't even know why I'm surprised. We have had a big argument about it with him saying I don't appreciate how hard he works (as if I don't) and me feeling like he never makes time for us. It will be the first holiday we've had as a family in years.

He has "kindly" suggested that I go by myself with DC which I've said don't worry I will be. However he was shocked when I said he could break to DSC that there wasn't a holiday anymore.

He seems to think he can duck out but I'll just go off with all the kids and leave him free for a week. I have said absolutely not. I'm going with DC but I am not going to take DSC too and let him duck out of his responsibilities. He can stay if he wants but he'll have to be the one to let them down.

I'm half minded to just never come back as it is!

Who is being unreasonable? (Aside from DH being a twat in general)...

Me for saying I'm not taking all the kids alone

Or DH for expecting me to just fuck off for a week with all the kids so he can work.

The husband being a shitbag doesn't mean the OP needs to suck it up and look after his children though.

Even if the mother is deceased, that doesn't mean the father gets to tell the OP to take all the children on holiday alone.

If they don't have a second parent and they live together as one family then she should take them.

If they have a second parent then fine to send them off to be with that parent and just go with her own children.

Not her responsibility. They had/have two parents, and she is neither.

Is it just me actually likes my step kids and don't believe in the ' 2 camps' thing?

I would absolutely take all the kids and sort out th dp on my return.

If the situation were reversed and I couldn't go on a holiday, I would be beyind fuming if my other half fucked of with his kids and not mine

^ This
I’d probably do it out of guilt.

Why was he shocked he’d have to tell the kids?

He needs to alter his priorities or I’d not be returning. yANBU at all.

God this is my life too, self employed husband that won't take time off.

It's really shit for his kids but you are not wrong to put your foot down. You are not his free childcare.

Leave all the children with him and go on your own 😁

It would be a relationship breaker for me.

thismummydrinksgin · Today 21:59
God this is my life too, self employed husband that won't take time off”

I’ll probably be lambasted but personally, I’d be grateful that he was working so hard for the family.

I totally disagree. If the father doesn't want to take them on holiday then ok - he can look after them at home.
He doesn't get to instruct the OP to take his kids on holiday on her own.
Irrelevant if there is another woman somewhere for him to palm them off onto.

This.

YANBU op - really cheeky of him. Would DSC mum even be up for you taking them alone? I know I wouldn't be (not that my DS has a step mum but I wouldn't be letting an unrelated adult take them away if their other parent wanted going).

Also like the suggestion that you go and leave him with all the kids!

Haha this.

Sorry being facetious. But I agree with others, your H is being unreasonable. I used to be self employed and when we had holidays booked, I made damn sure everything was sorted in advance to ensure no disasters occurred that would have stopped me going.

Seems to me he might be looking for a 'get out clause'...why would that be, do you think? 🤔

If they have two parents I agree.

If they don't, then I think whilst not her responsibility, it's the moral thing to do.

Their df isn't behaving in the dc's best interest.. Why should op shoulder his responsibilities?

That sounds like a you problem.

I don't have any stepchildren so it's not a problem I have, thankfully.

It's my opinion if that's what you mean. That's how Mumsnet works. An OP asks for opinions from other people and we give them.

In my opinion, the sins of the parent should not be visited on the child. In any scenario, step-parent or otherwise.

He is, of course, totally unreasonable, obviously. Has he completely lost the plot? I cannot comprehend how he thinks you’ll just herd all the dc merrily off on holiday! Quite mad.

Your moral beliefs are your problem to deal with, whether you have stepchildren or not. Thankfully no one else needs to be troubled by them.

Yes, and in return other people comment on your opinions. That’s also how it works.

Lol at OP having a greater ‘moral responsibility’ than their actual parent does though.

This!

Obviously the DSC are not yours so no you shouldn't feel obliged to take them. Yes of course he should aim to come and if he doesn't then he needs to own the implications.

Whether I would take them all on holiday depends on how many dc would be going in total and the ages. If there is one dc and one DSC and they get on well and the dsc helps to occupy the younger one then obviously that is completely different to four dc with two older ones who are wanting to go off and do pre teen stuff while you are juggling a toddler and a baby, that will be miserable for all of them.