To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

[Dippidydoppidydoo]

My DH has coeliac disease - diagnosed about five years ago. He's also T1 diabetic. It seems that virtually every time we eat with his family the food is contaminated in some way and it makes him ill. Family meal at his sister's yesterday - she promises everything down one side of the table is gluten free. Then last night as usual he's up all night being ill. His blood sugars are all over the place (having a coeliac attack makes them impossible to control). Last time we went round there his mum served him beef cooked in beer and then when he realised suggested that it may have been 'cooked off' in the process. A few weeks ago they took us for lunch ('their treat') to a place that had some gluten free options but was essentially a pie shop with a very gluten heavy kitchen. Surprise surprise - he's ill again.

We have small children and I'm having surgery this week. I now have to rely on him to do all the parenting while he's ill because his family seemingly can't get it together enough to make a single gluten free meal.

I get that it's hard. I get that it's difficult to make sure there's no contamination but AIBU to think that you don't cook for someone unless you're confident you can accommodate their dietary needs?

Any tips from any coeliacs about how to deal with this welcome!!

Yes, so? It's an auto immune disease rather than an allergy. I know the different pathogeneses although I'm not sure what that has to do with this broad example. It's a condition where exposure to gliadins will cause awful effects but not anaphylaxis.

Just don't eat where you can't guarantee it's safe, you wouldn't risk it if it gave you anaphylaxis rather than just the shits

Coeliac is not "just the shits", in any way. How ridiculous.

Think you need to educate yourself about Coeliac Disease!

No, you are triggering the immune system to attack itself and damaging the villi in the small intestines, it is a poisoning that makes it difficult for the body to digest essential nutrients, it harms the immune system and makes a person prone to illness and there are a cascade of other health consequences that goes well beyond the shits, in the short and long term.

The side effects are very unpleasant but it isn't going to be a case of immediate life threatening anaphylaxis. A lot of the time people are not even sure how they became exposed. I don't think restaurants are worried about getting sued by people with coeliac disease and not likely to let people bring their own food, as they tend to think they can provide gluten free food. You see it marked on restaurant menus all the time whereas they probably wouldn't guarantee something is free from nuts on the menu.

I didn't mention litigation so I don't know why you're on about restaurants being sued. Where I worked as student, we would have been happy to accommodate the request because you know, some people, companies, prefer to avoid the responsibility or risk of hurting someone or even making them uncomfortable if there's another simple solution. It has nothing to do with the onset time of symptoms or whether anyone could point the finger. Plus it would have made sense from a business POV to accept the booking and sell half a dozen meals rather than none. As I said, these were independent and fairly informal places. Others may not need the business, have stricter policies or prefer not to set a 'BYO food' precedent. I didn't say every place would agree but I doubt I happened to work in the only ones who would.

Did people bring their own food or are you just assuming they would agree?

Assuming who would agree? The places I worked, which were nothing unusual, it would have definitely been fine to bring own food if a customer in a group had a medical reason. That is all. Why would I make that up? Have you asked widely and been refused or are you just assuming? Not really interested in the answer.

I thinking you are assuming because you say it would have been fine but haven't said anyone did it.

Right you are

I think the problem is that a lot of people think that if they serve gluten free then this is ok. Some are more sensitive to others
Does his family know that sharing knives to cut between normal and gluten free food could have an impact. Even sharing the same butter knife.
it may be that you need to educate them. I wasn’t aware myself until a relative was diagnosed but then became unwell.

if you have children type 1 diabetes and coeliac can be hereditary so may be a good chance to have the conversation

With the in-laws that is

Also just wondering but does your husband carb count properly when he’s there or guess? As this will have an impact also on blood sugars. It could be he’s not as strict due to chatting and relaxing etc

Restaurants are pretty bloody careful these days. I eat out with a coeliac friend and she’d say if she reacted to food at a restaurant.

People don’t always realise that being a coeliac means that if you eat gluten it actually damages your insides.

As a Beaver leader, one of our Beaver Scouts with coeliac and we had to make certain that none of his food was cross contaminated with anything containing gluten when we organised food for Sleepovers (basically like a camp but in a hall). Any time something was organised involving food, we had to do a risk assessment specifically for coeliac. We also had a beaver scout who was lactose intolerant so we had to make sure that anything he had didn’t contain any milk product. It’s not actually that difficult these days to put on a gluten-free spread. Gluten-free foods have improved vastly in the last few years and so has the selection available. At the end of the day, if you can’t guarantee that food wont be cross contaminated, then make all of it gluten-free.

I take my own food to my Dad's. It's the only way I can be certain I won't be ill. If I get glutened, it's not just being ill for a few days which is bad enough, but also my insides are getting permanently damaged.