To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

[Dippidydoppidydoo]

My DH has coeliac disease - diagnosed about five years ago. He's also T1 diabetic. It seems that virtually every time we eat with his family the food is contaminated in some way and it makes him ill. Family meal at his sister's yesterday - she promises everything down one side of the table is gluten free. Then last night as usual he's up all night being ill. His blood sugars are all over the place (having a coeliac attack makes them impossible to control). Last time we went round there his mum served him beef cooked in beer and then when he realised suggested that it may have been 'cooked off' in the process. A few weeks ago they took us for lunch ('their treat') to a place that had some gluten free options but was essentially a pie shop with a very gluten heavy kitchen. Surprise surprise - he's ill again.

We have small children and I'm having surgery this week. I now have to rely on him to do all the parenting while he's ill because his family seemingly can't get it together enough to make a single gluten free meal.

I get that it's hard. I get that it's difficult to make sure there's no contamination but AIBU to think that you don't cook for someone unless you're confident you can accommodate their dietary needs?

Any tips from any coeliacs about how to deal with this welcome!!

I tend to read reputable sites like Coeliac UK or Diabetes UK if I need proper diet information for medical issues rather social media and woo sites.

I am a bit of a foodie and we eat all sorts of foods and different cuisines so I don't find it difficult to cater for people with dietary issues because I tend to think outside of the box of meat and two veg anyway.

I am making shakshuka tonight, whch is naturally gluten free, for example.

He’s an adult, and has seen time and again they can’t be trusted with safe food so why is he not taking responsibility for his own food, that being the case?

I voted YABU as to me it’s simply out of the question to even consider eating food prepared by them. Bring your own!

Take your own meal in a tub. Stick in the microwave. Bobs your uncle. Saves them a job. Saves your OH being ill.

I am making shakshuka tonight, whch is naturally gluten free, for example.

Not necessarily, I've seen recipes that use worcestershire sauce. Someone might think lea and perrins is ok from a quick Google since in the USA it is, the UK version has barley malt vinegar. There are so many ways that the uninitiated can be tripped up.

I was diagnosed with coeliac very late in life. Id been suffering for years.
They only found out I had it after they found bone fractures. A coeliac eating a non gluten free diet can cause pathogical bone fractures.
Don't eat there again. It could cause him all kinds of problems made worse by diabetes.

This.

People generally think 'Oh, that means no bread' but don't have the knowledge to know how much wider it goes.

The onus really is on anyone so badly affected by things they eat, to take responsibility to know everything they put in their mouth, is safe.

We have medically identified food allergies in my husband's family. His slightly older nephew was badly affected, so we were hyper-careful with our children's diets for two or three years. It worked well. But oh, the number of times we had to defend our policy from ill-informed interference: people who "didn't believe in allergies" or who thought "they'd get used to it" or that "we wouldn't know if they were allergic unless we tried whatever it was". Or just that "we were encouraging them to be fussy". The children were well nourished, so it really wasn't any of their business!

He knows his family will not accommodate his condition. Its his own fault, he’s not taking it seriously himself blaming them for ‘feeding’ him gluten.

He’s an adult, not a toddler. He needs to take responsibility for his own health and sort his own food out wherever he goes.

Once is an accident but multiple times shows they are careless or don’t take it seriously enough. He should just tell them due to the gluten and T1 he’ll bring his own food in future. He should then take his own food and warm it up in their oven and not eat anything they have prepared for him.

It’s bizarre that your husband still goes given they keep on ‘poisoning’ him.

It’s on him to decide what to do.

I don't understand why he keeps eating there when he knows they aren't capable of providing and gluten free meal and he's ill everytime.
He will have to take his own food - there's no other way round it.
It's life-changing unfortunately. I have a friend who is going through this having been recently diagnosed and it's really really hard.

My son in law is gluten intolerant. It is not difficult to produce a gluten free meal so they either don't care or he is not being honest with them when he has symptoms after eating their food. Honestly if I was your DH I would take my own food and not eat theirs and refuse to eat at any restaurant without checking GF options first.

This may be different for different people with coeliac disease - but from the 3 people I know with the condition, as soon as they were told that "everything down one side of the table is gluten free", they would know they couldn't eat ANYTHING from that table because it was way too near gluten containing foods and there was a major risk it has shared preparation space with gluten. Your hubby is clearly happy to risk being ill when you go to his family. You need to discuss this with him, but unfortunately if he doesn't see the aftermath as "not worth it" there's probably not a lot you can do! All I guess you could do is trust that he'll manage with the aftermath of his decision... he's a grown man, you can't stop him taking risks. Maybe, just maybe having made himself ill this week which will be especially tricky, will make him re-evaluate his risk taking.

My SIL is cealiac. When we had a family party I asked about preparing the food. Also recommendations what she likes. I did get her a few treats as well that she never asked for and she said she enjoyed them.

But we cleaned down all surfaces and prepared her food first so it wasn't contaminated. We kept it separate to the rest of the food while we prepared that. There was no complaints from her.

We were in a restaurant once she was told the chips were GF. She could tell they must have been cooked in the same oil which they confirmed had been. They offered her a jacket potato instead.

Yes we put it on a small separate table when we had a family party. Also put a sign on to say GF food please don't take if you are not GF.

Worcester sauce has no place in shakshuka.

It's can be tricky not to gluten someone If they are very very sensitive to it. Its so easy to cross contaminate surfaces, trays, knifes, spoons when cooking. Just bring food for him. It doesn't sound worth the risk. I wouldnt eat out if I was that sensitive. I can count on one hand the number of restaurants and people I trust to feed me.

YABU to expect everyone to get it right as there are so many risk factors and even well meaning relatives can misunderstand. It doesn't help that lots of people are going gluten free for non medical reasons.

Gluten intolerance and ceoliac disease are very different. It's very difficult to produce a gluten free meal in an environment alongside gluten containing foods for a ceoliac who will be much more sensitive to any cross contamination.

I can’t get the picture huge man-sized toddler out of my mind now. It’s bizarre that he’s allowing this over and over. Does he realise he has autonomy?

Oh dear, someone mentioned Worcestershire Sauce and Lea and Perrins in a coeliac thread. Will we need to explain the great schism that occurred a couple of years ago when CUK changed their guidance on BME and BMV?

I have two coeliac grandchildren, and now have a separate set of cooking/baking hardware and a separate pantry shelf/freezer drawer for their gluten free food. And I only buy gluten free stock/gravy etc so there is no confusion during family meals. I have seen how dreadfully unwell gluten makes them both. I've got the Coeliac UK app on my phone and am religious in checking labels.

DD has stopped attempting to eat out with them though as 9 times out of 10, they are glutened. People just assume it's a food fad.

I was diagnosed post schism and my pre-schism diagnosed coeliac friend knows which own brand cereals she can eat because she's been eating them for years. I get why they did it but I need a list of previously allowed food with BME!

If he has coeliac disease then they probably all have subclinical disease too.

I've only recently realised I'm gluten intolerant (and not to the level your DH is) but I've found M&S very reliable for gluten free food and Wagamama very reliable for eating out. Maybe they'd find it easier to have very simple ideas like that.

And yes he should take his own food and avoid meals there too.