To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

[Dippidydoppidydoo]

My DH has coeliac disease - diagnosed about five years ago. He's also T1 diabetic. It seems that virtually every time we eat with his family the food is contaminated in some way and it makes him ill. Family meal at his sister's yesterday - she promises everything down one side of the table is gluten free. Then last night as usual he's up all night being ill. His blood sugars are all over the place (having a coeliac attack makes them impossible to control). Last time we went round there his mum served him beef cooked in beer and then when he realised suggested that it may have been 'cooked off' in the process. A few weeks ago they took us for lunch ('their treat') to a place that had some gluten free options but was essentially a pie shop with a very gluten heavy kitchen. Surprise surprise - he's ill again.

We have small children and I'm having surgery this week. I now have to rely on him to do all the parenting while he's ill because his family seemingly can't get it together enough to make a single gluten free meal.

I get that it's hard. I get that it's difficult to make sure there's no contamination but AIBU to think that you don't cook for someone unless you're confident you can accommodate their dietary needs?

Any tips from any coeliacs about how to deal with this welcome!!

I just wouldn’t eat there. I don’t eat anywhere I’m not sure of.

That's awful. However if they have a track record of this, surely he needs to take his own food to family gatherings. And refuse to eat in restaurants they've picked. He needs to take control.

Never eating with them. It's the only way.

Sadly he just has to stop eating their food and take his own, then they might get the message.

Take your own food.

I think he has to take his own food…do you think the family don’t think coeliac is an issue?

You just can’t eat with them.

Bring your own food - even if they are insulted. It sounds like it’s the only way he will know he’s safe. Some people just can’t seem to learn how important it is not to make people sick.

I'm so sorry. I know it's different but my DH has Aspergers syndrome and his family insist on upsetting him and causing autistic shutdown. It's an absolute nightmare.

He needs to take control and stop eating their food! Just take your own food and do t go out to eat with them u less you know he will be 100% safe.

If he finds it difficult to stand up to his family, tell a white lie and say the Dr has recommended this for him.

He needs to either bring his own food or stop eating with them. I doubt they are doing it on purpose but most people don't appreciate the amount of food which has gluten in it and their kitchens/work practices are not set up to eliminate cross contamination.

This sounds horrendous - do they not "believe in" coeliac/don't think he has it? No excuse, I just don't get the logic!!

It's on your DH though, really he needs to start taking his own food, and he (not you) needs to explain when asked that every time they cook for him, he ends up ill.

What does he feel about it out of interest?

YANBU but equally now you know, he shouldn't eat someone's food unless he's confident that they can accommodate his dietary needs, which they can't. It's ultimately his decision what he puts in his mouth so he needs to be the one managing this.

He's an adult and they are his family, why isn't he educating them or refusing to attend these events or taking his own food? He needs to take responsibility for his own health and do everything he can to make sure he's well enough to manage his share of family life.

I'm lactose intolerant and DH's family struggled to get their head round it.

Some of it was not knowing some of it was not caring.

In the end at summer meet ups we suggested bbqs rather than meals etc, planned meals where everyone brought a dish. That makes it less obvious that I was only eating food I had brought from home.

We stopped staying with them as it meant multiple meals.

My sis in law also had a baby who had multiple allergies and unfortunately they had to do the same thing,

From the other side, I now have a daughter in law who is coeliac. I have messed up a few times - didn't know malt vinegar had gluten in for example.

So it's really hard. The only real solution is bringing your own food.

Just don't eat there or go to restaurants that aren't suitable, they're out of order.
This reminds me of when my sons friend who has coeliac disease went on a school trip and the teacher forgot his lunch so she gave him the standard lunch (she knew about his dietary requirements). He was very ill after.

Yes, this. He’s not a small child whose health is your responsibility. His health, his family.

Yeah I think he needs to just not eat there, or take his own safe food. It’s not a lifestyle choice!

reminds me of my own dear mother when my father had Parkinson’s disease and was meant to be on a soft diet - I found her feeding him cream crackers with cheese coleslaw and pickles because “he could do it if only he’d TRY” he died of pneumonia and I’m pretty sure he aspirated some food.
not really relevant to your situation I know but bloody hell.
I think your husband needs to protect himself & not just eat what they dish up.

Op I mean this in a way of support to you and your hubby as its clear your inlaws are incredibly ignorant to your husbands condition but I think your husband needs to take responsibility for his health and refuse to eat their food untill they fully educate themselves on the matter. As for the restaurant why didn't he pick something that was gluten free? If there wasn't anything there that was suitable he should have spoken up. He's a grown man no one can force the gluten down his throat. He needs to speak up and read the family the riot act so to speak.

Until I was diagnosed coeliac, I had no idea what foods had hidden gluten. Also cross contamination.

If he's reacting that badly take your own food. Also ask for restaurant details before you go and meet them and check their menus and call them re allergy advice. Only then, if you're happy, do you go.

It takes a lot of training to know what does and doesn't have gluten in. First time I went to the supermarket post diagnosis I was there for four hours.

He's the one who's eating food prepared by people who have proven that they are unreliable. He doesn't have to eat anything they've prepared, does he? He's choosing to eat the 'poison', they're not forcing him.

YANBU to be annoyed but he is BU to keep eating there when they have proved they can't manage it (definition of insanity?)

As PP. Take his own food.

My dd3 is coeliac. There is no way I would continue to let her eat somewhere that was making her ill whether it is at a friends, family or restaurant. Bring his own food in future they are obviously incapable of preparing safe gluten free food and probably haven't a clue about cross contamination.

How can you blame them for something he ate in a restaurant? The only obvious answer here is that he takes his own food when eating with them.

He's an adult and responsible for what he puts in his mouth. If he isn't 100% sure the food is gluten free he shouldn't eat it. He should just bring his own food