To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

[Dippidydoppidydoo]

My DH has coeliac disease - diagnosed about five years ago. He's also T1 diabetic. It seems that virtually every time we eat with his family the food is contaminated in some way and it makes him ill. Family meal at his sister's yesterday - she promises everything down one side of the table is gluten free. Then last night as usual he's up all night being ill. His blood sugars are all over the place (having a coeliac attack makes them impossible to control). Last time we went round there his mum served him beef cooked in beer and then when he realised suggested that it may have been 'cooked off' in the process. A few weeks ago they took us for lunch ('their treat') to a place that had some gluten free options but was essentially a pie shop with a very gluten heavy kitchen. Surprise surprise - he's ill again.

We have small children and I'm having surgery this week. I now have to rely on him to do all the parenting while he's ill because his family seemingly can't get it together enough to make a single gluten free meal.

I get that it's hard. I get that it's difficult to make sure there's no contamination but AIBU to think that you don't cook for someone unless you're confident you can accommodate their dietary needs?

Any tips from any coeliacs about how to deal with this welcome!!

Um, just take your own food to events????????????

I wourldn't have waited three times for dh to become ill, especially if you're facing planned surgery.

The family aren't up to the job or your expectations. So keep the peace. And just take a packed meal for dh.

I am sorry this is happening but tbh I am confused. I have several coeliac friends and it’s just not a problem cooking for them now that I have had a bit of practice. Sort of feels like they don’t care… which must be upsetting for him

His mother sounds pretty clueless for cooking the meet in beer assuming that she didn't use gluten free beer!

I have a close family member who was diagnosed with coeliac disease as a adult. I tend to inform them exactly what ingredients I am going to use in meal so that they can say whether something is or isn't okay as while some things I would expect to be okay are actually not. If they haven't checked, I only buy things which say that they are gluten free for them. When they visit we all eat the same thing as I can't be bothered with different meals and worrying about cross contamination. If they stay at our house I let them add food to the shopping order and then put it in a separate cupboard/fridge shelf from our other food to make sure there is no contamination.

If we go to a restaurant they check the menu and contact the restaurant in advance to feel confident that they understand about cross contamination. It's no good using a gluten free base but then putting it on a surface with flour for example.

I agree.

I simply don't understand why people find it so difficult. It isn't as if they haven't been told multiple times. It's either laziness or plain ignorance.

I’m a coeliac and I don’t eat at the ILS house any more. I take my own food or we just don’t eat there. MIL was ok with it for a few years but now she has Alzheimer’s so it’s not feasible to expect her to get it right. My dad is also coeliac so my parent’s house is relatively safe, although my dad can eat oats and I can’t so I’m still careful.

Yes, Ocado are good too (and obviously have M&S food).

He needs to bring his own food. It is very hard cooking for coeliac people. I have two close family members who have coeliac disease. It requires every inch of concentration and planning to make sure they are kept safe as they are so sensitive. People just don't understand and are surprised by the things that contain gluten, or don't think about things like it floating around in the air at one end of the kitchen when you have just made pizza etc.

Always surprised by how little some people know about it including staff at restaurants. we now call ahead and ask whether they have GF options if a new restaurant. If going to friends we offer to bring our own food. People do make mistakes - just recently a friend prepared the pasta for non coeliacs and then was about to use same spoon for the GF dish. We both called out stop! He clearly thought we were OTT but if the same spoon had been used that cross contamination would have led to our DS being up ill all night. So yes it is all a nightmare and so disappointing his own family have not got to grips to it especially given its genetic so a parent gave the condition to him!!!

If I had people coming to eat at my house who were coeliac and as sensitive to gluten as you say I would just make the entire meal gluten free, and would definitely not be serving pizza.

Googling for gluten free recipes is extremely easy.

Yes, it is much easier to make the whole meal gluten free.

It's all a question of how much you care about the person with the healthproblem you know. If you care enough you will make sure that person stays healthy and happy. For me it was an exceptional situation, so I had to learn a lot in a very short time. For your PiL it should be more easy since they cook for your DH on a regular base and should get used to catering for his health. A person close to me but living abroad visited, first time she travelled to another continent. She has severe cœliac disease, so her mother was very worried - as I understood of course. I thoroughly checked every item I bought to use in the kitchen, prepared food with even more attention than I already do. I only then discovered that there are gluten in spice-mixes! So I prepared everything from scratch with fresh ingredients! She was fine the whole time, not one instance of ill health. I even packed all she needed when she went to stay with other people for a few days. I hope your PiL see the light before your DH lands in a hospitalbed.

As with everyone else, get him to take his own food when visiting family. If arranging to meet at a restaurant, suggest restaurants you know are safe or restaurant chains that you know are able to cope with gluten free meals. Eg. My daughter works in a Giggling squid and other people i know have told me they are their go to restaurant for gluten free, allergy safe and vegan meals.

She’s not his mum no, however we
all know that when a DH gets sick it affects the whole family… and I’m guessing if he was sick all night OP didn’t get much sleep if any either… So it is very much her problem too!

I have the same issue, gluten and lactose. The problem is that people try really hard but I've been with family where they assure me what they are cooking is safe and then I see them subconsciously without thinking putting a dash of Soy Sauce into the 'safe' dish. Or going to the effort of making gluten/dairy free mince pies but accidently using regular flour to cover the surface before rolling! At that point, I know I can't eat or trust anything and end up feeling guilty for making a fuss or being seen as picky. BBQ are the worst, I watch Halloumi starters grilled then my burger thrown on top of the lactose covered grill afterwards 😂

This is sad… my DD is type 1 and it’s hard enough managing diabetes on its own without the added complication of sickness..
I have to check drinks at my parents because they usually only buy full sugar drinks.. we started taking our own after a while because my parents just don’t get the danger, or how crap being high makes her!
Could you/your husband shop with MIL for the ingredients prior to her cooking? Or get a photo of the ingredients so you can point out anything with gluten?
When my DD was at juniors she would take sweets in on her birthday to hand out… I sent a pic to the mum of the child in her class that was allergic to eggs and gluten and nuts and asked if what I had bought was ok, and if not please tell me what I could buy for her DD as didn’t want her left out…. I didn’t even like the child much if I’m honest, but did it because I don’t want to make a child feel excluded or make them sick….
I would just thank them for all their effort but sadly some sort of cross contamination must be happening … so please don’t be offended but DH will bring his own food in future… I wouldn’t be offended if someone bought their own… I’d be relieved that I didn’t have to take responsibility for potentially killing someone!!
Good luck with your operation and hope your DH is feeling better.

And reading all OP's posts.

This is the reason why anyone with a severe allergy should not put their lives in the hands of others.

Even DH's siblings and parents keep messing up,

Imagine if you had a nut or another allergy that was going to kill you?

Just if your health relies on what you eat or don't eat - It's inconvenient, but it's not that difficult - carry your own food around with you.

If his own biological siblings and parents, knowing his illness, keep making food that makes him severely ill?

You've got to be stupid to put your trust in minimum wage workers, with varying levels of English and education, whose primary job is generally not medical knowledge or preventing analphaltic shock.

I honestly think if what you eat is so critical - Always bring your own food.

And then not make it an issue - and focus on the socialising.

My daughter has celiac disease and gets terrible pains n her legs and stomach if she has gluten. There are plenty plenty gluten free meals to be had. Your husband’s family need straight talk. You and hubby as a united front need to sit them down and tell them
straight they need to have respect and treat his illness seriously. Surely they understand type 1 diabetes! If not, share a website with them. They need to educate themselves. It’s not hard! You both need to be firm.

Restaurants don't let you bring your own food though.

One thing which may help anyone is Gluten emzimes pills like Gluten Rescue. I carry emergency tablets which I pop in case of cross contamination. Depending on your severity, some people can pop a pill and eat a pizza occasionally and not have any flare ups. I don't fall in that category but I'm in Atlanta at the moment and everything seems to have Gluten in 😂 I asked a place if they did 'Gluten free' and was told "we don't give away free food" ... Hmm red card! 😂 So I'm popping pills like crazy. It's NOT a miracle cure but my symptoms for traces of gluten are cut by 80%. Not cheap, about £30 for 60 tabs but it really helps when I go to places I don't really trust.

Many would let one member of a group with a severe allergy bring their own food if asked ahead of time.

It makes sense economically as they're still making money on the rest of the table and any drinks, plus don't have to carry the risk of cross contamination. I worked in many pubs/restaurants/bars as a student and they would have all been happy to accommodate this.

I’d take food for him with me. My mother was Coeliac and always did this unless she was sure there would be something she could eat. I’m only intolerant but I don’t eat anything risky.

...the family sound inept. Just tell them what's happened and avoid eating with them form now on.

Really? I must admit I have never asked but certainly no restaurant has ever suggested the person with celiac disease in my family could bring their own food. They usually think that they have gluten free food available. Have you ever asked?

I've never asked as I don't have an allergy but everywhere I worked would have been fine with this (independents, freshly prepared food but not super high end fine dining, frankly happy to accommodate customers but glad to be absolved of the responsibility. It might be different in a bigger kitchen or chain).

It wouldn't have have been suggested necessarily but if someone had said 'id like a table for 6/8. I have a severe allergy and have been caught out several times by cross contamination. It's nothing specific to your restaurant but I'm much more comfortable discreetly bringing my own meal, and paying a cover charge. Would that be ok? Of course the others will be ordering from the menu in full' it would have been fine.

Coeliac disease isn't the same as a severe allergy though.