To feel so Monday happy when DP goes to work

[FredFerrous]

DP just winds me up all weekend. Started this weekend on Sat morning when I just wanted some quick clarification over my salary. He ended up going off on a tangent, and just talking for ages and ages about new legislation over holiday pay.

Then - he never knows what’s going on/where we need to be/or at what time.

Sport goes on the television, minimal interaction with he children despite the fact he’s hardly seen them all week.

No housework done unless asked - however he does cook (usually something complicated requiring every utensil we own).

He uses the term ‘fresh socks’. I cringe every time he says it. Why not say clean socks??

I try to be in a room he’s not in or escape upstairs - but he starts following me about.

He wants me to hang the towel a particular way over the bathroom radiator (so the towel doesn’t potentially touch the door?? - (it doesn’t… )). Apparently this needs a 5 minute explanation. I tried to tune this out…

He’s just left for work and won’t be home til 9pm. Hurrah.

@FredFerrous get a clean pair of socks, put them in a lidded container in the fridge and tell him where his "fresh" socks are for tomorrow!! that would drive me nuts too!

Are you a sahm or also working and it's your day off?
I don't understand the rage and annoyance that sahm posters get when their 'partners' have the audacity to be in the shared home or worse retire!

This is so sad, being so irritated by your husband over 2 days that you can't wait for him to go back to work. Do you even like him..?

@DoreenonTill8

I'm also working but it's my day of as I'm part time.

Gosh your poor kids, living with parents who despise each other.

If your financial security depends on a man you don’t have a good relationship with, and who you do not even appear to be married to, you do not have financial security at all.

Do you go to work?

Being objective, he's probably relieved to be away from you too though...

This.

Say for instance you keep choosing this as your one life for another decade, at which point he leaves you. How does that feel? What would you wish you'd done?

Do that.

Yawn. What is she going to do spilt up with the next person she meets that isn't quite perfect? It's called ups and down and is part of life. Some ppl actually live in abusive homes, where splitting is the only option.

Yes YABU, it’s a pretty common term. Fresh socks, sheets, towels, clothes etc.

It sounds like the feeling is mutual- he obviously doesn’t want to be around you either. Why don’t you leave? And why would he know about your salary?

I keep on reading how it’s not fair on op to live like this. It’s also not fair on her partner to be with someone who inwardly seethes about him.

Id be gutted to discover my husband couldn’t bear to be around me and longed for me leaving the house. Not least because I could have had a chance to forge a different life with someone who didn’t despise me.

@FredFerrous

why not just break up OP?

this, and especially once you found out theyd only stayed as they saw you as a cash cow!

I agree. People like the OP think they’re being kind by staying with their parents even though they despise them. Actually the kindest thing to do would be to leave him so he can find someone who actually likes him. Imagine finding out you’ve wasted your life with someone who inwardly hates you?

Ups and downs? Um, no it's not. Ups and downs are when you've in a generally happy and loving relationship and have bad / tough times. OP clearly despises her OH, doesn't want to be around him and is only staying because she claims she's "financially secure". There are no ups in this relationship.

My husband is pretty good most of the time, but I was very relieved to get to work this morning. Everything he did just annoyed me.

I did loads of housework Saturday morning: hoovering, laundry, cleaned the kitchen etc etc, all the usual stuff, plus I took the eldest to football training which is right on the other side of town so takes about 30 minutes to get there and then dropping other son to a party. Husband did the shopping (and treated himself to coffee in the cafe, no problem with that). He had two jobs I asked him to do - get the washing off the line at the end of the day and the final load of washing up (I'd already done 2 lots throughout the day). When I asked him to get the washing in, he spent so long doing it that I had to wash up or I wouldn't have been able to cook tea. Turns out he was carefully folding all the clothes belonging to each person at a time - so swinging the rotary line round to find all my clothes, fold them, put them in the basket then find each item belonging to him, then each of the kids. Why not just fold as you come to them? Would have saved him loads of time. I put it all away, it's not like he did it for his own use. I had to refold most of it anyway as he did it backwards (I recognise this is my choice!). He then went out for dinner with friends, leaving me to put both kids to bed, which is hard work because they are both anxious at night and need me to stay with them, and I ended up falling asleep in one of their beds, and losing out on my early night and reading time.

Then his parents came round on the Sunday and their mere existence makes me want to chop off my arm just to have something to throw at them so that was lots of fun. They are rude and demanding and treat both DH and the kids like they're complete idiots but DH won't let me say anything in case we upset them (OK for them to upset me though!).

I am so glad to be in work, I'm seriously considering staying late.

My thoughts exactly.

Different reasons/problems here but you're not alone OP.

My DH works shifts so we only get a full weekend together once every 4 weeks.

He always manages to spoil it, this time by disappearing until 2am and then spending all of Sunday with his mother. We did have lunch together at my insistence on Saturday and he just rolled his eyes or didn't respond to my attempts at having a conversation and in the end got up and said he wanted to go and do something else. I just felt so shit and lonely but also furious that he thinks it's ok to behave like he's about 16.

Then he was banging and crashing around the house until 1am even though I had repeatedly told him I was exhausted and trying to sleep.

I'm pregnant and live miles from my own family and I just feel like I hate him lately. We used to get on really well once...

I woke up this morning just after he'd gone to work and felt so much relief and peace even though I also have to work. At least I won't have to deal with his attitude...

Better off without him.
I used to feel similarly about my emotionally abusive father, about 30 years ago.
🙄

Is this your first child? Would family put you up? It won't get better. Personally I'd want to pack and bag and leave now whilst baby is easily transported

We all have our 'oh my god would you just fucking go to work already' dry spells with our partners/husbands/wives. We have to allow for that. It's hard to love being around someone (we love) 24/7... for life... and to remain all nice and calm and joyful about it all of the time.
But if you find that it's just constant misery, like, the sound of the key in the lock when they're coming in from work causes your heart to immediately sink, you need to rethink your life with this person.

Started this weekend on Sat morning when I just wanted some quick clarification over my salary.

Why did you need him to clarify your salary?

Have you spoken to him about housework/mental load/spending time with the DC?

Presumably the kids will have moved out by the time he retires and they can separate easily then and there's less financial and childcare pressure.