To feel so Monday happy when DP goes to work

[FredFerrous]

DP just winds me up all weekend. Started this weekend on Sat morning when I just wanted some quick clarification over my salary. He ended up going off on a tangent, and just talking for ages and ages about new legislation over holiday pay.

Then - he never knows what’s going on/where we need to be/or at what time.

Sport goes on the television, minimal interaction with he children despite the fact he’s hardly seen them all week.

No housework done unless asked - however he does cook (usually something complicated requiring every utensil we own).

He uses the term ‘fresh socks’. I cringe every time he says it. Why not say clean socks??

I try to be in a room he’s not in or escape upstairs - but he starts following me about.

He wants me to hang the towel a particular way over the bathroom radiator (so the towel doesn’t potentially touch the door?? - (it doesn’t… )). Apparently this needs a 5 minute explanation. I tried to tune this out…

He’s just left for work and won’t be home til 9pm. Hurrah.

Wasting your life staying with someone you clearly despise just for the sake of security is rather pathetic imo.

Mine says he's going to "wash the car off" Wash it off what exactly? What is it on, that it needs to be washed off? Surely he's going to just wash it? Bemuses me, but then I am a pedantic cow and he's otherwise generally a pretty good egg.

I think it would bother you far less if it was said by someone you liked.
When someone irritates us, everything they do becomes annoying.

Be honest. You're with him because his salary can pay the bills and you have financial security.

You have the TOTAL ick. It won't go away.

You're now actively choosing your life

We are a family that prefers to shout out when someone is annoying rather than seethe in resentment and contempt. It’s OK to voice your irritation with things as long as everyone is basically kind and able to understand that they are annoying too.

People you live with are always annoying. But if you lose your sense of humour about it and basic kindness and support of each other how are you going to stay together through difficult times (and yes, retirement!)

Can you plan some time with him and work out how you can get some connection back? This should be salvageable if you have children.

You choose the life you have. Let's face it you're with him because he gives financial security but surely that's not enough? Imagining looking back as you get older thinking about staying with him. You could be happier.

You should be honest with him and end things, sounds like you're halfway there already.

Maybe he thinks the same about you?

I can truthfully say - because I’ve just wasted time thinking about it - that I have no idea whether my husband says ‘clean’ or ‘fresh’ ( or any other adjective) socks. It’s neither important nor interesting enough to care about.

You must know your relationship is over. Don’t string it out for money, for crying out loud.

It must be shit living with someone you dislike so much. Do you stay because he pays the bills?

How will you cope when he retires?

Life is too short.

@FredFerrous do you work op?

Different people find different things annoying. This is probably a symptom of him being generally annoying to you. And you not being in the "lovey dovey" early stages of romance when you didn't notice fresh socks...

OP just wants a bit of a moan, she doesn’t need everyone to tell her to split up. Like it’s that easy anyway! Also it sounds like he contributes little in terms of childcare/ housework so not sure why posters are saying OP sounds as bad as him!

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. If everything else was ok in your relationship, you wouldn't care about little things like that.

Why doesn't your h do his fair share of housework?

Why are so many people on this site in relationships with people they don't even like?

Yabu to stay with someone you dislike this much. When you look forward to them leaving, the relationship is completely over. I do think you'll regret wasting your life on someone that you feel like this about

To be fair to OP I sometimes feel similarly and even more so since peri and watching my patience and tolerance roll over a cliff top like lemmings following my giving a shit ability

For me it's not constant and I know it's my problems to own and manage

However by nature of living in close quarters with another human being for so long I'm quite sure DH has moments of mutual appreciation like this for me

What an awful way to think about your partner. Leave him.

How about you changing to a weekend job. Then he’ll have to take care of the kids and you won’t have to interact with him!

Firstly, I think if everyone were being entirely honest, we would all confess to periods of our lives when we look forward to going to work to escape the bosom of our family. Christmas for example...I can never wait to get 'em all out of my house and get back to corporate sanity. To inelegantly summarise Dostoevsky's The Idiot - relatives bring out the worst in us and can sometimes be as annoying as fuck.

This isn't an LTB situation. It's a work on yourself situation. Suggestions -

• Take up a weekend activity that gets you out the house for an hour each day. I find running is brilliant for this - I can run my emotions out and get a high afterwards
• Once a month insist on an activity that is just for you - lunch with a friend, a gallery visit, whatever
• Focus on things to do that include your whole family but direct your collective attention outwards rather than at each other. EG a museum visit and lunch afterwards to discuss what you saw. People are easier to handle when they're all talking about something interesting rather than staring at each other waiting for something to happen. Which is why humans have been inventing 'stuff to look at' forever - cave painting, religious ceremonies, theatre, cinema, sports etc etc
• Find a REALLY GOOD and absorbing series on Netflix to occupy your joint attention when the kids are in bed. Something really meaty and juicy that you can both discuss, plenty of cliffhangers. You, Breaking Bad, Ozark are all good for this.

If none of this works then maybe it's a wider problem. But try this stuff first.

Fresh socks implies that his feet are grungy. Ewww.

The love of sport surely was always there. Whilst I can understand not knowing how he would do so little re childcare, the other red flags you should have noticed long before children were born.

My husband is at home all the time, he just stopped working a year ago

it is driving me fucking crackers

lucky you OP

Why don't you get out into the workplace to avoid this then?

The soliloquys, precise towel hanging, disengagement with kids and financial security makes him sound soectrumy to me.

Do you ever have any real conversations where you talk about the future, you as a couple, or shared plans?

Fresh socks wouldn't bother me at all, from someone I loved it might even be endearing. But you don't even seem to like him! Have you tried actually speaking about you feel instead of just zoning out?