Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Yes, I'd go.

What birthday is it?

Not a big birthday, 33. I definitely wouldn’t be contemplating going if it was a big one

I would probably do my celebrations on another day or another part of the day, and go to my friend’s engagement party.

You can still do nice things on your actual birthday while going to the party in the evening. To be all “But it’s my Big Special Day” makes you sound about 5.

Yes, I'd go.

I wouldn't cancel plans I'd already made, but if nothing was sorted/booked, then I'd have no issue going on my birthday.

The whole “I want my birthday to be about me” thing is far too much after 21.

33?
Oh shit I was expecting 23

It's just a birthday. Celebrate it early or late and go and celebrate with your friend

I wouldn't think badly of a friend not coming to my party because she had gone away for a birthday treat, but I wouldn't not go to a party just because it was on my birthday, as I am an adult and don't need that day to be just about me.

Its up to you at the end of the day. For me, I'd go the firneds if I had a real friend other than my family/realtives

Yes I'd go. But then I don't really care about celebrating my birthday on the actual day. You could still do something lovely the weekend before or after and it would still be special.

And if I was your friends I'd probably think you were a bit childish and selfish for not attending for that reason and you should maybe be prepared for your friendship dynamic to change.

Are you 6? Adults making such a fuss of birthdays "my special day" is honestly hilarious 😂

I want my birthday to be about me

FFS I'm cringing! You're not a child! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Yes of course I'd go to the engagement and book a different weekend for my birthday.

I’d go to the engagement party. You have a birthday every year, your friend will (hopefully) only get engaged once.

I’d totally go, you get a birthday every year op and as for wanting your birthday to be all about you - you aren’t 6, get a grip

As your friend in this scenario I'd totally understand you not coming to the party. Presumably she won't expect a 'yes RSVP' from everyone she's invited (as is the nature of something like this) and will still have a fair number of people there. I'd say do what you want to do. Maybe don't discuss it with your sister again!

If I hadn't already booked anything then yes I would.

I mean, I'm with your sister on this.

If I were your friend I'd be a bit hurt and bemused and think it was strange and that you must not value the friendship very much, but I'd also shrug and move on. My reaction would also depend how much I knew you went nuts over your birthday, as I might be more understanding if I knew that in advance.

An engagement party is a hopefully-once-in-a-lifetime thing, whereas if you'd already booked something and would lose money, fair enough, but for a not-even-arranged-yet birthday celebration, I think YABU.

I know some people think the actual day of their birthday is important, and great, if that's what makes you feel good, fantastic, but personally I find it weird and would just celebrate at some close convenient date, I don't care about it being the exact day.

Sounds great to me - a party in your birthday with friends that you didn’t have to organise. Win win!

And no interest in the engagement party = no invite to the wedding 🤷‍♀️

I would go.

Yes I'd go to the party. I would count that as doing something nice on my birthday! But then we are pretty low key. We often gift something like a show or a trip for our birthdays that is a month or so away from the actual date.

Of course I would bloody well go to an engagement party over a possible 33rd birthday (which is a non event). I doubt/presume your friend will be having another engagement party, but you will be having many birthdays. When did people get so precious and self absorbed?

I would, but my birthday is ten days before Christmas so I almost never get to celebrate it on the day anyway so it's sort of lost all meaning at this point. I just celebrate it when I feel like it. Might do it in August this year, why not.

But if birthdays are genuinely important to you then I'm sure your friend will understand. Just make sure you go to the important bit, the wedding!

On my birthday this year I taught teenagers at school all day then spent the evening working backstage on the school production - got back at around 11pm. I had a nice presents from my partner and my sons the following day, and lunch out with three good friends the day after that because that date suited all of us best. I think that's a perfectly good enough way for an adult's birthday to be celebrated. If a friend of mine had had an important event on my birthday, to which I was invited, of course I would be there, because for that day their special event is clearly more important than the earth having orbited the sun once since my last birthday, which I can celebrate on any other day!

Even primary school children have their birthday ‘celebration’ (parties or special days out) on weekends that are near their birthday, not the day itself. I find it a bit weird when adults are so weird about their birthdays. If you had booked something already it would be totally understandable that you wouldn’t go to the party, but you don’t have firm plans so I’d arrange the weekend away for another time and go to your friend’s engagement party.

I agree with you OP but only because I think engagement parties are tacky and attention seeking.
Celebrate with your partner and family, and then you can be the centre of attention on your wedding day. I bet most grooms aren’t bothered by them, it’s all for the woman.