Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Oh god some of the comments on here just because you want to make a big deal of your birthday! OP I love birthdays too, just like Christmas it's something nice to look forward to each year for the people you love and it's totally your right to spend it however you want, you're not bloody harming anyone or being an evil, self absorbed, childish (or any other insulting word that has been thrown at you!) person at all! If other people are happy with a card (or less) then great they can have their special medals for being such martyrs, but if you and your partner do more for each other then great, we do that too, I make such a big fuss of my partner and my family members because when else would you be able to do that! In terms of this particular event though I would do both, only because it means you don't miss out on anything, and you can also stretch out your birthday a bit. You could have a lovely time at the engagement party on the Saturday, and then look forward to a weekend away the following week. I'll be 39 on my next birthday and if my partner and I are still making a fuss of each other's birthdays in 30 years time I will be very happy!

I think the engagement party and a weekend away both sound fun, hope you can get to enjoy them both. If one of my friends refused to come to my engagement party because it was in their birthday I’d be a bit insulted, I’d never have thought an adult would place a huge priority on their birthday.

I do t make a big deal out of birthday. You are being very precious not to go

I’d much rather celebrate my friends.

The fact you didn’t understand the need to prioritise your friends party and wanting your own birthday to be about you says a lot. I’d probably not be inviting you in the first place if I knew that was how you were. 🙄

I would go. I would plan a birthday breakfast for myself and partner on the morning of just so that I’ve acknowledged my bday. And I’d maybe plan a getaway the weekend prior or after.

Although didn’t she know that the date would be your bday?

I don’t think she knows the date of my birthday. As I mentioned, we aren’t close friends. We are childhood friends who only see each other a few times a year just to kind of stop us from completely losing touch. I’m not invited to the day time bit of the wedding, only the evening

You are the one who thinks a card and a breakfast/ lunch is enough. You have low standards, I feel sorry for you 😂

I don’t understand people who thing engagement parties are a big deal. To me they are pointless… it’s the actual wedding that it’s important.

If you think her party is pointless, why are you bothering to change your mind and go?

It’s not selfish but a bit pathetic. You want to do both and you could quite easily make that happen, yeh of course if your birthday is more important to you then you’re well within your rights to go spend your birthday however you want. If you want to do both though the obvious thing would be to just have a birthday getaway the week before or something

I was just about to ask do you have kids, as you strike me as someone who doesn't. I think when you become a parent your own birthday just become less significant, unless it's a big milestone one.

As someone with a birthday just before Christmas though, I very rarely celebrate my birthday on its actual day, it's never been big deal. I agree with your sister, you can still do something special and celebrate a week earlier or later and also go to the engagement doo. It's just a bit cringe and me me me attitude.

Honestly guys, some of you are so miserable! Thank you to the ones who are not insulting me and actually are providing helpful opinions.

To the people who think an adult is childish for being “precious” about their birthday, I really hope you have a day for yourselves where you are spoilt and the day is about you. Because why shouldn’t you? It’s not a bad thing, it is your birthday! You are allowed to have a day for yourself to be treated. Everyone deserves that. It’s not selfish to want to celebrate your birthday and to actually look forward to it. It’s ok!

You’re a grown-up and can celebrate your birthday another day. I would go.

Yes I think this is what I’m going to do. I actually might book the Thursday and Friday off work and go away for those two days instead and then go to my friends party. I think that is a good win-win. Because I really don’t want to miss it.
Thank you for your input ☺️

I definitely wouldn't be going. I hate weddings, so if me not going meant I wouldn't be invited to the wedding, brilliant!

My birthday is about me. I'm in my 40s and couldn't care less if people think I'm childish/selfish/whatever other insulting words they want to use. Birthdays are a big deal in my family. There are very, very few of us, we've dealt with a huge amount of trauma, and birthdays make us happy. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

None of us have ever gone to work or school on our birthdays either. It's great.

I’m with you OP, I like to celebrate my birthday on the actual day, especially if it ends up being at the weekend.

Sounds like you need a “me” day. Go have a nice relaxing spa day or something. Put your feet up. Indulge yourself. Live a little

I think people are being a bit mean OP, I'm not particularly bothered about my birthday but I don't begrudge anyone who is (whether they're 6, 26, 36 or 106 lol)

It's only a party, you'll be at the wedding any possibly the hen etc, so just do what you like! If it was my friend, I'd understand that she wasn't coming to an engagement do, besides it's a big party not a small intimate dinner, I bet no-one even notices (in the nicest way I mean!)

Nobody is saying you shouldn't celebrate your birthday as an adult. They are just saying they would happily celebrate on a different day .

Win-win 🏆

Do people really book engagement parties more than three months in advance nowadays (and consequently, more than three months after the actual occasion which they are ostensibly celebrating)!? What happened to booking a room in the local pub the week after you got engaged??

Yes I'd go. In fact I've been to a retirement party on my birthday in the past.

If you already had something booked then fair enough but turning down an invite to something you'd otherwise have liked to attend just because it's on your birthday is giving big 'main character syndrome'.

No need to feel sorry, I am treated very well on my birthday. I suggested it would be enough (plus a gift, which you missed out) on the day, for the OP in this situation of the engagement party on the same day, with a weekend away at another time.

Yes, but then I think grown adults making a fuss of their own birthdays is absolutely pathetic.