Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Unlike many MN, I am really big on birthdays, especially mine 😂

I would still go to the party and celebrate mine later. An engagement party would even had to the fun frankly, it's a party!

life is miserable enough, the more occasion to celebrate things with friends, the better.

If you don't want to go, just decline. If you had already booked something, I would say it, but as you haven't planned anything, I would not mentioned my birthday though. You sound ridiculous. Saying you are not available that day is more than enough.

SIL had her 40th on the day of DH's 30th (and a few days before her own actual birthday). We went and had fun.

Fair enough to want to celebrate your birthday, but as your sister said, you can literally have both so I don't know why you wouldn't.

Birthdays aren’t usually a big deal when you’re an adult, but on the other hand, who really needs an engagement party? These days, most people have a wedding day, plus stag and hen dos - isn’t that sufficient?

If I already had plans for that weekend which I was looking forward to, I probably wouldn’t cancel them to go to an engagement party.

Yes, that is a bit strange OP. Few people do anything particular for their birthdays beyond 25ish, beyond cards and a couple of small gifts from SO and mum or something. And by small, I mean maybe a meal out or flowers.

It's always fun to host parties for milestone birthdays but even they are more about an excuse for a gathering than putting oneself at the center.

So your friends will probably have just thought your attachment to your birthday was a bit weird. It's a good excuse to go on a break with your boyfriend but another date will be totally fine for that.

This is a bit me me me to be honest

yes of course! what serious adult would through a strop over this? you are turning 33, not 3!!!

Christmas comes every year too 🙄, wanting to celebrate events is normal, even if they come every year.

I agree that most adults into their birthdays are happy enough to celebrate around and not on the actual day.It's not a big deal.

“who gives a crap if someone’s engaged apart from the couple themselves”
their family and friends who are really happy for them and want to celebrate the joy?!

Few people do anything particular for their birthdays beyond 25ish, beyond cards and a couple of small gifts from SO and mum or something. And by small, I mean maybe a meal out or flowers.

YOU might be happy with "a card".
Half my friends go away for a weekend or a week to celebrate, and so am I! 😂

If you’re over the age of 12, which I trust you are, then YABVVU OP

Grow up!

Oh thanks for the heads up on Christmas! Yes of course it’s normal to want to celebrate, I like to celebrate my birthday too. The point was that it’s silly to prioritise a birthday, an annual event, over a significant one-off event. Sorry you couldn’t understand that 🙄.

I’d go unless I had something better planned.

It's basically a party with your friends being held on your birthday, why wouldn't you?

You are way past birthdays being all about you!

OP, I think you’re getting a hard time purely because the day you have plans for is your birthday.

But what really matters is that you already have plans that you’re looking forward to, and you’d rather go ahead with them than do something else. Also, the “something else” is more of an excuse for a party than anything important. You’re allowed to put yourself first in this situation, just as your friend is allowed to put herself first by booking a date that’s inconvenient for you.

Did your friend know she was booking her engagement party on your birthday?

I always go away for my birthday so I wouldn't be attending either.

I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol.

This kind of statement makes me wonder how starved of attention you must be on the other 364 days of the year, that the mere idea attending a party for someone else on your birthday appears to you like some kind of deprivation of rights.

I went to a baby shower on my last birthday, and celebrated my birthday the following weekend. In my opinion, these events generally only happen once, but I have a birthday every year.
So unless you have something booked and paid for already, I would go yo the party

You come across as a bit childish I am afraid!
We all love a birthday but getting engaged is far more of an event.
If I was your friend I would be really pissed off .

I’d go if I didn’t already have stuff booked in - I love going to parties so I’d be excited about the prospect of 2 fun weekends in a row! Do both 🙂

No because I said I wouldn’t be able to because it’s my birthday and I’m planning to go away that weekend for it. She said well it’s not the absolute final date yet anyway, she’s just asking around all her friends and family to see who can do that date and who can’t before she sets it. She hasn’t got back to us yet which is why I’m just in this state now where I’m thinking actually I really want to go to that so should I just change my birthday plans? So if I do change my mind I will just tell her that I’ll be attending, it’s not a big deal. It’s just an engagement party, it isn’t her wedding day

I’d go, unless I’d already made plans.

This.

It’s okay if you don’t understand adults who are precious about their birthdays. I don’t understand people who thing engagement parties are a big deal. To me they are pointless… it’s the actual wedding that it’s important. However, just because I don’t understand it myself doesn’t mean I can’t understand why they’re important to OTHER people. I am allowed to be me me me on my birthday. It’s the one day a year that I CAN be like this. I don’t have this mindset any other day of the year. I’m not a mother and don’t plan to be, so I’ll never have a Mother’s Day. Christmas is for everyone, my birthday is for me. What’s wrong with that? 😂