Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Nope. I book mine off work every year. I’m not working on my birthday 😂

Some employers actually give people the day off for their birthday as a freebie too.

Possibly the same kick you get out of pulling one comment in disagreement and trying to cause an argument from it?

Combine both. I went away for my 50th birthday but came home on the Saturday evening so that I could go to a friend's hen day on the Sunday. So rather than going away Thurs to Sun, I went away Wed to Sat.

As others have said, you can also go away a different weekend,

I usually book my birthday off work too, or sometimes the nearest Friday so that we can go away for the weekend. Although this year it fell on a weekend but DH and I were both unwell so I didn't do anything (fortunately hadn't booked to go away because of bad weather forecast). Had a meal out a few weeks later when we were feeling better.

There is really no law that says you must celebrate your birthday on the actual day! I always find it a bit strange when people say they can't do things because of their kids' birthdays - again, I'd just plan my offspring's party around other things I wanted to do.

Yep, my employer gives us our birthday off every year and if it falls on a weekend, we can take the Friday or Monday off.

It's only on Mumsnet that I've ever seen people who don't understand that adults celebrate their birthdays. It seems to me as though they don't have people around them who love them enough to make an effort, so their bitterness comes out in nasty comments.

I love my birthday. I'm very loved and my family go all out to show me. Birthdays are the best, and why should they just be for children?

I don't get much joy in life due to being disabled and mostly housebound. So you're damn right I'll be enjoying cake, special food, all my presents and cards etc on my birthday. Anyone who thinks that's childish, hilarious or ridiculous should go and find someone who cares ☺

If I wanted to go I would go, my birthday would not come into it

Of course- people go to work on their birthdays. Why wouldn't you go to an engagement party?

It’s an invitation not an order - if you don’t want to go don’t.

But I can’t help feel you’re the one missing out. Instead of catching up with friends you’ll have a lovely weekend with your boyfriend, but sounds like you actually can do that the week before or after and you could also see your friends.

Don’t get why celebrating your birthday on the day is so critical, and you could have a small celebration on the day as well as your weekend away and the party.

Also - people remember big events. It will be remembered that you didn’t come. You won’t be in the photos and will be absent from the reminiscing in years to come etc. Sometimes missing these sorts of events means you are missing out on the friendships component many times over.

You're 33! Thought you were going to say you were 9

I agree, OP, the number of threads I have written and abandoned (under a previous name!) is ridiculous because it turns into was is essentially gang mentally bullying! For the record I would be having the exact same thoughts over this as you, as I love my birthday too (even at 38!) do what I've done with my previous posts, hide them on mumsnet, ignore the ignorant and nasty people and let them argue with themselves!

I have filtered to all OP's replies and she hasn't said at any point that she has children?!

@Nopet she hasn't said anywhere at all she has children?! She has explicitly said she does NOT have children and will never have any... why is everyone banging on about children that other people have invented and she has never mentioned 😂

Because she did on another thread. She said on a different thread she has 3 children, on this one she specifically says she has none.

That's the massive contradiction.

I seem to remember you being the one who said “You got a problem with that?” in an argumentative fashion.

Anyway, you continue mocking people, seeing as you find it so ‘hilarious’ to do so. I shan’t respond to you further.

Acting like you weren't the one picking my comment out and asking me why? yeah off you pop, keep your ego intact 😂

Wise words, @RubyOrca.

Yes I would go. Id just do something in the day for my birthday and go out of the night. I don't really see birthdays a major deal after the age of 21 though tbh

Why are people so weird about people celebrating birthdays? This is a genuine question, aside from the original post. Everyone is being so sneery like "are you 12?" I don't get it.

I'm with you OP, I celebrate everyone else's birthday, why shouldn't mine be celebrated too?! It's.your bloody day, why shouldn't you have that too?!
And yeah, engagement parties should have stayed in the 80s and 90s...
Oh and @HelloJillll go to Disneyland, you might just surprise yourself 😉

THE OP HAS LONG LEFT THE BUILDING PEOPLE

My best friend turns 50 this year and her family meal out, to which I’m invited, lands on my birthday. I will gladly go along, then have my celebration the following day (which is my son’s birthday). I’m not too worried if it’s “not all about me”.

Because 2 weeks ago OP posted this thread saying that she was a single mother of 3 children when she met her partner

This!!

Hey OP 👋🏻

How are the kids?

I am literally so glad I found this post. Currently in the exact same position!!
my 25th also falls on a Saturday this year and me and my partner had plans to get away for a mini break without the kids.
now our friends have invited us to their engagement party on my birthday and he’s just agreed to it and changed our plans!

I am slightly bitter as these are now the last of our friends to get engaged and we are the only ones not but have been together the longest so I feel pretty rubbish about that already, and then to go to the party and celebrate on my birthday just feels like salt in the wound. To top it off, we’re not close, and see each other on the odd occasion!

you’re not the only person feeling like this!! 🩷