Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Sounds like a good plan and you get to enjoy both occasions 🙂

Just message again and say if she chooses your birthday date, you will be there. I'm sure you can work it out so you can celebrate and enjoy both. That's what I would do.

YANBU. But YABU to tell her the reason because 1) some people don't get it and 2) she gets to call you selfish or whatever for not prioritising her engagement partner.

I've done the whole going away a week before or after. And it becomes just a weekend away and your birthday is shit because you don't celebrate on the day because you're going away but then when you're away, you won't do all the things you'd do on your birthday because it's gone already. Might as well not bother.

I am not one of the cats bum face anti-birthday mumsnetters, I fucking love my birthday and do make a big fuss every year. But I think you’re being daft. Go to your mates party! Get your bf to make them sing happy birthday to you at the party. Celebrate your birthday another day/weekend. Life just happens.

i do think engagement parties are kind of silly though. The party you have when you get engaged is a wedding, isn’t it?

Go to the engagement party and celebrate with your friend. I was working on my last birthday.

Yes and I am thankful to those people who are saying that. Because they are answering the question I asked. But not everyone is saying that. Some people are literally just insulting me for caring about my birthday. They’ve picked up on the part in my post that says I like my birthday to be about me, and they’ve taken issue with that sentiment. Which isn’t helpful

I really don’t understand my MN thinks anyone over 18 who celebrates their birthday is pathetic or childish or selfish. I love to celebrate my birthday and often take the day off work if I can. I really don’t see any problem with that. If you really don’t care about your own birthday, that’s fine, but don’t judge people who do want to feel special one day a year.

OP, I like the idea a PP had to take the Friday off and go away Thursday night to Saturday afternoon, that way you wake up on your birthday on holiday and then when you get back you still have the party to look forward to!

What is an engagement party and why is it planned for September? Bonkers. Other people's engagements are nice for them but not "things" for other people people.

I'd go You get a birthday every year

I agree with you about engagement parties. I just think… what are they actually for? The wedding is the celebration part (which I would not miss!). This is just an extra excuse to get drunk. I don’t drink alcohol, but I understand it’s an important event for my friend which is why I’ve made this post. If I really was such a selfish wench I wouldn’t be questioning myself. I WANT to go. I was just a bit miffed about the date. But I think that I will book of Thursday and Friday and go away on those days instead, so that I can still go to the party

Thank you, yes I like this idea too and don’t know why I didn’t even think of it myself! I will be doing this, thank you ☺️

Yes absolutely I would go to a friend’s engagement party on my birthday. I had heard about adults who were self absorbed with the importance of their own birthday with a childlike fixation but I think this is the first time I read about one for real.

I’ll take the opposite view, I think engagement parties are the height of wankery. Go away and celebrate together if you need to but why do you need a party just because you agreed to get married? Is that what the wedding is for?

Going away to celebrate your birthday isa much better use of your time.

In my family, we always make a HUGE fuss over birthdays. I have never in my life worked on mine. I always take my husband’s off too, and vice versa.

It’s always a celebration, regardless of the number.

Why are you miffed about the date .You did say that your friend wouldn't have known its your birthday .

I’m going to friend’s hen do on my birthday, I can’t wait! YABU.

It was already a thing when my grand-grand-mother got engaged. Probably even earlier.

YOU don't have to celebrate anything. Many MNers don't even understand wedding parties anyway 😂. I am glad some people still know how to have fun.

I’m miffed about the date…. Because it my birthday??? Have I not already stated that?? That’s literally the purpose of my post

This is a hen do though. It’s literally not the same thing at all. This is a pointless reply, but thanks I guess 👍

(also for the record I would also go to a hen do on my birthday, no hesitation)

Because the word miffed suggests that you are annoyed with your friend.

OP you are not doing yourself any favour.

You are being extremely rude here, and ridiculous. Engagement and hen do are literally in the same spirit 😂if not exactly the same thing.

Glad you've changed your mind.

I think you were being a bit bonkers to turn down the chance of having nice things to look forward to, two weekends in a row, rather than rather stubbornly sticking to a particular date which meant you would only have one nice weekend instead.

I like celebrating birthdays, but you really don't have to be precious about doing it on the actual date.

Bit weird, IMO, that you think a hen do is important enough to move your birthday celebrations for, but not an engagement party. But just goes to show we all have different things we think are important.

I agree with you. I'm a similar age to you and I still celebrate my birthday and I don't think its pathetic to do so. I normally have a meal with my partner, then my family take me out too which they offer to do every year. I don't tend to do much with friends anymore, just because everyone is so busy in December.

It's just a little "me me" when you are insisting you have to go away on only your birthday night only. As you said, you can celebrate every year, it's seems a shame to miss out on a friends celebrations when you cam go away a few days before , so I agree with your sister on this. You should do both.

After a lifetime (well, 42 years) of putting others' needs above my own, I would definitely not go, and also I'd seriously wonder why my friend chose my birthday to have her engagement party on, when it could have been on any other, non-birthday day.

I'd go / I hate to miss a party