Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

YANBU. I also like to celebrate my birthday, and I think engagement parties are a bit odd - I'll celebrate at your wedding, it doesn't need a whole extra pre party.

I also wouldn't arrange a party to clash with a friend's birthday.

I’m now intrigued you’d go to a hen do rather than an engagement party OP.

Like a pp I see them in the same category (and in some ways I’d prefer a lovely engagement party : the ones I’ve been to have always been catered and with free open bar and great fun. Hen dos end up being expensive doing something I don’t really want to do and sharing a hotel room with the groom’s cousin’s mother)

Hello Violet Beauregarde! 😂😂😂

Yes I'd go but I don't get the whole thing of adults being precious about birthdays. If I was going out or away I'd just do it another day.

I'd go to the engagement party, unless I had already booked something for my birthday weekend.

But I am old and don't see my friends as a group all that often, so like get togethers and would just go away a different weekend for my birthday. Plus the vast majority of my friends are fairly thoughtful and would acknowledge my birthday at the party with a cake or something, or at least a toast.

i would go but I don’t bother about my birthday really. The point is YOU don’t want to so don’t.

I'm 57 and have never been to an engagement party. The idea of one sounds far more self centred than going away for a birthday.

What happens at an engagement party? Are there presents and speeches?

Hang on, so you've already had invites sent out but she's only just doing the engagement party? How long until the hen do and actual wedding? Crammed in close together makes me cynical it's about hoping for a cash boost.

As you only see each other a few times a year I assume you need to travel for the wedding so I'd still make a weekend of it. Leave Friday night, do something nice Saturday daytime, go to the party Saturday and book the Monday off work so you can relax Sunday

I wouldn't bother me going to a party on my birthday. But I'd make sure I got to celebrate my birthday on another day so I got two social events.

I'm with you that you should have a day to celebrate YOU. I don't understand people who get engaged or married on a day such as New Year or Valentine's Day that everyone already celebrates on. Why waste an opportunity to have a celebration? Get married on a random day so it's YOUR day!

From your other thread about your boyfriend buying a house without telling you, I am surprised that you are still with him and planning a weekend away.

Could you maybe be feeling a bit jaded about your friend being happily engaged while you are going through a difficult time in your relationship?

This .Also I thought you had children 🤔

Personally I was expecting 13! What is it with grown adults wanting to celebrate every birthday like they are 7. Go away before, after, Christ does it matter at 33

Ugh, how tiresome. Another waste of time thread
Not a mother and never will be on this thread, single mother of 3 in another. Grow up.

Yep!

no sorry the official invites haven’t been sent out yet. She just told our friendship group in our WhatsApp chat. She basically said sorry but I can’t afford to have a lot of people through the day so will be restricting it to close family and friends. Maybe just to give us a heads up. We don’t have the official invites yet

at the idea that anyone hosting a party, has to go through the potential guest list first, and check what days their birthdays are, then not be allowed to use any of those days.

That's hilarious.

Wow.

This is a level of self-centredness beyond the usual. Quite a long way beyond the usual. In fact, from this you wouldn't be able to see the usual with the Hubble telescope.

Well in the unlikely event that were to happen to me I'd go. After 58 years of having my birthday over shadowed (December 25th), one more year won't make a difference.
Go, you'll have birthdays to celebrate every year for a long time (hopefully), she may never have another engagement party.

I'd go if nothing else planned already. I went to a wedding on my birthday couple of years back.

Engagement party would take preference. I would only be declining if I thought a big mistake was being made, say intending to marry an unsuitable man.

If I wanted to do both & could do both (as in this case) win win!

Its the nicest possible way, please get a grip. Your a fully grown adult (I presume) not a child

No, better, the bride to be chosing the day just to spite her friend and remove the attention from them 😂

I would do both, so book a lovely place near engagement party venue. Go their on Friday, out for nice meal, Saturday get up, get spoilt then mid afternoon, go back to hotel, get ready and go and enjoy party then back to hotel for night.

Go or don't go
Close friend or not
It really wouldn't bother me that much of you and already booked something....or even if you booked something later and then said sorry can't come after all.

But I do think you are being ridiculous saying no in advance because you might do something nice.
It's cutting your nose off
And it's very selfish to say you can't celebrate something else on your birthday because it needs to be about you.

You are 33 ffs, not 3!

Can you imagine if everyone had to avoid all other birthdays and anniversaries for any celebration? We would never celebrate anything.