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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

403 replies

Sevensummers · 09/06/2024 13:49

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

OP posts:
Cattenberg · 05/07/2024 17:30

@emilyjane123 , it’s not on for him to change your plans like this without speaking to you first.

My (former) partner used to accept invitations on behalf of both of us without asking me first. He meant well, but it drove me nuts and I had to insist he stopped doing that.

HarridansOfUsAll · 05/07/2024 18:34

emilyjane123 · 05/07/2024 15:41

I am literally so glad I found this post. Currently in the exact same position!!
my 25th also falls on a Saturday this year and me and my partner had plans to get away for a mini break without the kids.
now our friends have invited us to their engagement party on my birthday and he’s just agreed to it and changed our plans!

I am slightly bitter as these are now the last of our friends to get engaged and we are the only ones not but have been together the longest so I feel pretty rubbish about that already, and then to go to the party and celebrate on my birthday just feels like salt in the wound. To top it off, we’re not close, and see each other on the odd occasion!

you’re not the only person feeling like this!! 🩷

But if you want to get married, and you're committed to one another and have children together, just say 'Let's get married' and then throw a big engagement party or not, just as you like? Surely there's no need for 'feeling rubbish' about something you can easily alter?

HappyMamma2023 · 25/11/2024 07:41

An engagement party top trumps a birthday sorry OP

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