Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

[purplerobot]

DD turned 9 last week and is having friendship problems.

Everyone seems to think DD is babyish for her age, including friends and other kids parents (they say it nicely). I think some of her friends are too grown up (doing skin care and wearing makeup at 9??!) so I don't know.

My eldest was far more grown up at this age but times have changed. I have babied DC9 a bit more because she's my last baby so it's probably my fault.

What can your DC9 do?

She still would play with toys if I play with her. But none of her friends play at all. She doesn't play by herself but she never really has to be fair.

She cries easily (her teacher said she's very sensitive) and she cries often.

She likes YouTube and TikTok, she likes to make her little videos but they are maybe babyish in content. She goes to brownies and she likes the park etc.

She can make herself a drink of squash and a sandwich but I do it for her usually. She can make her own bed. She can shower herself (I do her hair as it's bum length and mega thick). She can do all the other basic stuff like teeth and getting dressed lol,

She isn't very athletic so not good with scooter or bike etc but she likes to go to the park. When she plays with her friends it tends to be lots of role play, dressing up, she tries to play toys - but over the last school term it's like her friends have grown up and left her behind, they don't want to do those things anymore and now she's left out.

I have realised I do baby her a lot, I've always done everything for her and as a result she is quite young for her age. Her sibling was very different at this age.

What does your DC9 do?

AIBU: she's a child it's fine
YNBU: you baby her and it needs to stop

You really aren’t doing your DD any favours by babying her at 9 years old. Please help her to gain some independence and self respect by helping her to learn/ encouraging her do things for herself and for others. Give her some experiences to make her feel good, like baking and helping in the house. You say she’s ‘not athletic’ but can you try her with different skills to find her niche, maybe horse riding, martial arts, climbing or similar?

She's having problems so you can't really ignore it, can you?
Try to encourage her to have slightly more mature interests. The best toy a child can have is another child.

Try to encourage her to have slightly more mature interests

She's 9 years old ffs! It's normal and healthy for 9 year olds to play with toys and enjoy going to the park and brownies.

What is our society becoming? Thinking a 9 year old needs to develop 'more mature interests'. Fucking hell.

This

Doesn't sound like anything out of the ordinary for a 9 year old. She's doing basic things. My dc were pretty independent by 9. More out of necessity as a busy working single parent, I simply couldn't do everything for them but lots of 9 year olds aren't doing anything more than yours ime. I also don't see a problem with a 9 year old playing with toys. I'm not sure she's the problem here if they others are more concerned about skincare etc

If the teacher is saying she is sensitive and her friends don’t want to play anymore I’d be concerned. I’m a teacher and see this when kids get left behind as they act baby/immature the reality is other kids get bored and annoyed and start to keep their distance, so for your daughters sake I’d try to build more independence and resilience.

Otherwise she pays the penalty for you wanting to keep her a baby … which isn’t fair

Agree with this - I don't think it's normal for 9 year olds to be wearing make up and doing skin care!!!!

More mature interests at 9?!

She is 9, my children played with toys at that age. They then got into drama and role playing games like D and D so they could keep playing. She sounds lovely. Playing with dolls etc is a great way of developing empathy and social skills and I suspect a lot of friends still do it on the quiet.

I am a great believer in giving as much practical independence as soon as possible. Half the issues that happen as they get older is frustration of lack of autonomy or frustration of suddenly having a lot of independence.

My youngest is ten he can prepare and make a snack for the family, prep and stir fry veg. He can make a decent cup of tea for me, bring out bins, write a shopping list plan the bits he needs for sports etc.

He doesn't have a phone, has interest in watching engineering videos and some animal content. He likes Minecraft and animation Lego so play but older child play.

Maturity is behaviour not what hobbies you enjoy. If she is sensitive and struggling then a little encouragement will support her resilience.

9yos should be playing with toys. They should still enjoy swings/slides etc at the park.

TikTok - god no! It's 13+ and even 13 is too young imo (and pretty much all education professionals)
Make up/skin care - only as a bit of fun or special occasion, not regularly

Maybe work on resilience for the crying, but the playing sounds completely normal.

The children who are exposed to things too early, and I don't mean inappropriate, just not age-appropriate, will find it much harder when older because they haven't built up the soft skills needed to navigate the social aspects of relationships and/or online communication. Those parents allowing their children (or even encouraging their children) to relinquish their childhood too soon are doing them a disservice.

Agreed

My son is 9 and on his overnight trips with Cubs, he and most of the other kids still bring a cuddly toy to sleep with.

Let them be kids.

It's more disturbing to see young children with makeup than it is to see them playing with toys

I'd say its 50 50.

She only has one foot in her friends world e.g. tiktok but no make up.

Tbh I wouldnt even allow that. I'd encourage fruendships with other children (like brownie ones) before the gap gets bigger and bullying starts.

Wtf at some of these responses!

She's NINE, she's a child. Not a teenager!

My son is 8 and enjoys playing minecraft, roblox etc.
He doesn't really play with toys unless his friends come over and some of them are 9/10 years old and enjoy playing pretend games like ice cream & pizza shops, schools etc!

Sounds fine to me what your daughter is doing, just a normal nine year old girl please don't let anyone tell you different. Everyone has different likes and as I write this my 8 year old has his 6 year old friend over for a play date and is happy as Larry.

DD has just turned 10 and is an only child which I think does make a difference, she is definitely still interested in things that many of her peers have deemed babyish but I think that she's more age appropriate than they are.

DD will still play with her toys, mainly creative stuff like craft kits or the Make it ball things.

She uses my WhatsApp account to communicate with her friends who all have their own phones and social media accounts which they are way too young for based on the conversations I see. Some of them are talking the other through their 5 step morning skin care routine already and make up tutorials, in between arguing over who gets to be admin on the groups and regularly kicking each other out of the groups for very very very minor misunderstandings.

Let her be a kid as long as possible!

It's a delicate balance at that age. Nothing wrong with a 9 year old playing with toys but it sounds as if some independence could help her in the resilience department. She'll probably always be an emotional sort and that's okay but needs to learn she can handle her emotions as she grows or things will be tough in the friendship department.

But in what way do they think she's babyish? For what it's worth I asked ds' teacher this year did she think he seemed too young int he jokes he told, or the things he laughed at etc and he was laughing because five other parents had asked the exact same question. Give me 'babyish' any day, unless you mean things like not sharing, getting upset easily, pushing or doing things much younger kids would do, but it sounds like she's doing the usual things and has a good foot in both doors (online but playing outside of online too) to me!

I was definitely still playing with toys as was my best friend when we were 11 or probably older than 11!

I would not be encouraging make up at that age, nor tiktok.

Sounds to me like the other 9 year olds are growing up too fast.

She sounds like my nine year old and I'm perfectly happy with that. I don't want a mini teenager in the house before it's strictly necessary!

My DD is lucky that she has a couple of friends who are into similar things -harry potter etc - so they are happy playing that.

I expect the "babyish" thing is the crying. I used to be like that at the same age and she's just got to try to toughen up a bit.

I work in a primary school so can confirm that the majority of 9 year olds are still playing with toys or role play/pretend games. 9 year olds should not be fixating on make up and skin-care IMO, nor should they be on Tik Tok!

Mine will only really play with lego when she’s on her own but plays imagination games/with toy animals still with friends. We don’t allow Tiktok/social media or unsupervised internet use in general. She watches Youtube but on the TV in the living room.
We’ve defo seen a split this year (yr 4) between the kids who have access to tiktok etc (either because their parents allow it or because their older siblings show them stuff!) and those who don’t. It’s become a bit tribal in her year unfortunately.
Your DD sounds like she’d be in the same ‘tribe’ as mine! We also had a crying phase of about 3 months where the slightest thing could set her off. It seems to have passed now thankfully, so I’m chalking it up to hormones

My 8 year old is ‘immature’ for his age, but he is autistic so a lot of what you’re concerned about is pretty expected behaviour (sensitivity being a key one). I’m not saying your daughter is autistic just to be clear! He doesn’t play with toys so much but absolutely loves soft toys and quite frankly I don’t think that’s autism, we live in a culture that’s aging kids far too quickly - especially young girls/tiktok/make up etc. If she’s going to Brownies and such, sounds like she’s putting herself out there as much as any kid her age, just because all the other girls are maturing quicker doesn’t mean she’s not typical for her age. Let her be young, it will very quickly change at this age.

My 11&12yos are currently playing with barbies. Its a form of escapism for them. Its just one box now compared to the barbie house, cars, boat etc there used to be... but they want them still. I know they will disappear soon but not quite yet.

Your daughter completely normal for that age. The only "skincare" she needs is suncream and soap.

Bonkers to give your 9 year old TikTok or even access to YouTube.

why???

Her interests sound fine (except she really shouldn't be on TikTok) but I would look at building her self-esteem and confidence by giving her more things to do around the house.

So at 9, I'd expect her to be able to cook something simple like pasta and sauce or beans on toast, she should be able to make you a cup of tea/coffee, run her own bath, vacuum and clean her room without supervision and walk to say, the corner shop or the park with friends or on her own.