Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

[purplerobot]

DD turned 9 last week and is having friendship problems.

Everyone seems to think DD is babyish for her age, including friends and other kids parents (they say it nicely). I think some of her friends are too grown up (doing skin care and wearing makeup at 9??!) so I don't know.

My eldest was far more grown up at this age but times have changed. I have babied DC9 a bit more because she's my last baby so it's probably my fault.

What can your DC9 do?

She still would play with toys if I play with her. But none of her friends play at all. She doesn't play by herself but she never really has to be fair.

She cries easily (her teacher said she's very sensitive) and she cries often.

She likes YouTube and TikTok, she likes to make her little videos but they are maybe babyish in content. She goes to brownies and she likes the park etc.

She can make herself a drink of squash and a sandwich but I do it for her usually. She can make her own bed. She can shower herself (I do her hair as it's bum length and mega thick). She can do all the other basic stuff like teeth and getting dressed lol,

She isn't very athletic so not good with scooter or bike etc but she likes to go to the park. When she plays with her friends it tends to be lots of role play, dressing up, she tries to play toys - but over the last school term it's like her friends have grown up and left her behind, they don't want to do those things anymore and now she's left out.

I have realised I do baby her a lot, I've always done everything for her and as a result she is quite young for her age. Her sibling was very different at this age.

What does your DC9 do?

AIBU: she's a child it's fine
YNBU: you baby her and it needs to stop

She sounds completely normal to me. Why on earth should nine year olds be obsessed with skincare? I have an almost nine year old who still plays with toys and enjoys going to the park. She is slowly becoming more independent, is allowed to go to the corner shop by herself, can make a cup of tea and do basic cooking by herself (things like cupcakes). I don’t think there are many nine year olds who are vastly more independent than that. The one thing I would be concerned about from your description is TikTok, which is definitely not suitable for nine year olds.

Well it depends a bit what thise toys are. I would say dolls as in Sindys or Barbies would be age appropriate, baby dolls, teddy bears and tea parties maybe a bit less so....

When I was 10, I was happy playing on my bike, reading comics and playing with figurines. It was babyish compared to the other girls. Puberty hit me at 12 and I covered my boob's with boys shirts and cargo bottoms.
Age 23 I was married and settled. I would let your DD be happy with how she plays, I'm sure she will grow in her own time.
All the best OP

I strongly agree. Overall expectation's, standards and values can be degraded by what’s dominant in a place or school.

I am judgmental about parents encouraging the behaviours described in young children (any children to be honest). I wouldn’t trust their judgement. I find it pretty miserable to be honest.

Honestly Op I did a lot for my kids & didn't expect much from them in the way of chores.

They matured at their own rates & friends were quite fluid.

If she's "babyish" compared to others that are into make up & social media that wouldn't bother me.

Crying often & not being able to amuse herself (if that's the case) would.

This is all so sad. Let children be children. It’s such a short part of life and needs to be enjoyed to its fullest.

When I was in primary school (30yrs ago, granted) none of the children wore makeup, no one knew what a skin care routine was. In fact I was asked a few years ago by a sales lady at the ideal home show what my daily skincare routine was. My reply? “Every day I have skin” I wash and use suncream. That’s it. My skin is still on my body. It still looks fine.

Let your little girl continue to be just what she is - a little girl. There is plenty of time to be a grown up.

She sounds perfectly normal to me. She is a child why should she not play. Children meet their needs by playing She will grow out of play when she is ready it's awful that she should be made to feel any less. You carry on letting her enjoy her chhildhood. Kids don't need fuckin skin care routines I was born in 80s there was no such thing as skincare. I'm okay believe it or not.

After reading an article about a little girl who's parents left her at home and then died in a car crash, and had to survive by herself for a week until someone realised, I aimed to make sure DD could do the same at age 8 (while also drilling into her how to call 999 and when was appropriate to do it!)

She could make simple meals (beans on toast, stuff from freezer, microwave ready meals etc), wash up, tidy up, knew how the heating and hot water worked, shower herself and basic hygiene, fire safety, how the washing machine worked etc.

By 9 she could have run a household by herself if she needed to (obviously she never did, she's now 16 and being left alone overnight for the first time next weekend)

But a 9 year old is capable of that, and should at least be helping with chores. Babying them does them no good at all.

Kids grow up FAR too fast now imo. Some friends and I were talking about this a while ago. This group we have been friends since starting school, now in our 40s and tall about how at age 11 we worked it out amongst ourselves who would ask for which Barbie thing for Xmas and then we could all share when we got together. We were also in Brownies then Guides. It absolutely didn't stunt our independence, we used to get trains and go shopping in the next city or go to gigs by ourselves by age 14.

My boys were different and I feel like they wanted to grow up too fast, but they've always been quite in keeping with their ages really. Girls are a different ball game though.

Skincare and make up is absolutely unnecessary at that age!

Doesn't sound like you're babying her, she just likes what she likes and sounds for normal for a 9 Yr old.

She sounds fine and normal and not dissimilar to other year 4 kids in my dc’s class, there is one who is quite sensitive and according to dd cries every single day about something. Dd herself is quite sensitive but tends to hold it in more at school. There are constant friendship problems but that too is usual for year 4. There’s a range of maturity but I’m glad my dd still likes playing with toys. It won’t be for long!

The idea that a child of nine - nine!! - should develop more "mature interests" is bizarre and sad. She is definitely not the problem here. Let her play naturally and be a child, because that's what she is - a child.

I don't think there is anything wrong with her interests. I would be glad that she isn't interested in skincare and makeup at age 9: I say this as someone who was a huge beauty nerd and very into fashion, but even I didn't become interested until age 13/14 or so. I would be more concerned about her oversensitivity and crying very easily, that is maybe what is putting friends off her. I feel for her, though. 9 is just the age that girls become completely brutal, (far, far worse than most boys at that age) and that can go on into the mid teens or so.

I'd be most worried about the bike, I think it's a key skill. My DD9 has dyspraxia and took a long long time to learn but we practiced and practiced until she could do it as cycling opens up so many possibilities.

Playing (with any toy, there should be no hierarchy of barbies Vs teddies) should be encouraged. Tiktok should be discouraged.

I'm not sure if I agree with the 'kids grow up so fast these days'. I think its the contrary. Kids at 8 or 9 who are not allowed play out with their friends, not allowed go off on their bikes, not allowed go to the shops, not given weekly and daily chores, not able to organise their own meet ups with friends, not capable of entertaining themselves for a rainy afternoon without adult intervention. They are often raised to be dependent and weak minded, and lacking in confidence. Its no wonder really so many get obsessed with SM and following influencers etc.

Apologies OP it's slightly off topic, I've replied upthread about your DD.

She is NINE!! Jesus! She shouldn't be bothered about skin care or make up or trying to be grown up. (hell I'm in my 40s and don't care about those things). She should be having fun playing with toys and playing outside, and generally enjoying being a CHILD- a relatively young child at that. She may need to find some like-minded children (aka normal children), or you may need to find some like-minded parents to help with this, if her friends are all progressing to the tween years already, which is sad for them, and nothing to try to emulate. Agree crying a lot may be a flag that she needs some help navigating what is going on there. If you honestly feel you "baby" her, and are holding her back, then that's also something to look at. But a 9 year old who likes playing with toys and playing in the playground....that sounds like what we should all be striving for, rather than 9 year olds putting making up on, doing Tik Tok vides and god knows what else.

Sounds normal to me. But maybe teach her to do a few things for herself. My 9 year old has just learned how to make a cup of tea and absolutely loves making me a cup in the evening! Making some toast or something, mine likes being able to do things for herself. Playing with toys though, totally normal!

Fucking this!!

The world has gone mad.

I think the toys and imagination are lovely but allowing her to cry so often won’t help her at school. Doing things for her, giving in and the big one, her not playing by herself, are all areas to work on.

DD (10) does not have a phone yet because I saw the issues you describe on her class WhatsApp group. There appears to be a handful of Admins who make the rules and frequently remove kids from the chat and the drama then spills over into the classroom. Most recently DD’s Head of Year announced she had alerted the police over an extremely disturbing video a child posted in another class chat (DD’s year but different class) and urged parents to remove their children from these groups.

OP, your DD is a child and while she may be sensitive, cry easily etc her behaviour seems entirely age appropriate to me. Please do not be swayed by people telling you she needs to abandon normal past times such as playing with toys and dolls and jump on a fast track to adulthood. When did we start thinking it is normal for 9 and 10 years to have skin care routines. It’s really sad.

Don't forget that the point of playing with dollies etc is to work out social relationships. A teddy bear tea party is all about learning that big teddy was a bit of a shit to eat all the cakes and maybe that wasn't the right teddy etiquette.

So if she cries a lot then maybe do some role play with dollies about how she can react and cope with different situations with friends.

OP - I found your post is very negative. How about what you daughter's strengths?

Childhood is so fleeting it should be cherished rather than binned off for YouTube and tik tok trends as soon as possible.

Anyway what is a mature interest? Bowls? Cribbage?

And just generally in response to a few PP, the age limit for whatsapp in the UK is 13 for so many good reasons. Check out the smart phone free childhood movement if this is something that interests you.

Is she involved with the brownies - if not think about enrolling her as they teach girls how to become slightly more independent and some life skills and new friendship groups

DD is just about to turn 9 and she likes Barbie, Sylvanian Families, Hatchimals and I hear her playtime play games either alone or with teddies or her little brother.

She likes scooting and skating but can’t ride a bike. She likes playing in the park, reading and watching films or gaming.

She does the odd bit of hair or make up but it’s just a bit of dressing up rather than serious.

Her friends seem pretty similar from what I can tell. I like that they still play with toys at 9.

This made me smile. 9 yrs old was when my kids would be taught evening tea and toast duty because that's the age my Mum did with us 😄

My DDs are now 23 and 20 and they still have their favourite dolls (Tiny Tears, Baby Annabel, Baby Chouchou) in boxes in the attic. They got rid of all the accessories and some of the clothes but they still have their dolls.

My observation is that a lot of the make-up being worn by young girls comes from the expectations of dance and cheerleading competitions and displays. These events are no longer only about the dancing and cheerleading abilities of the girls but they are being judged on their appearance too. I have a friend whose DDs are involved in cheer; she recently posted a photo on Facebook of her reception age child spending her pocketmoney on lipstick.
Other friends have 8 and 9 year olds who are talented dancers and having been wearing makeup since they were 6 or 7. They are very pretty girls who don't need makeup.