Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

[purplerobot]

DD turned 9 last week and is having friendship problems.

Everyone seems to think DD is babyish for her age, including friends and other kids parents (they say it nicely). I think some of her friends are too grown up (doing skin care and wearing makeup at 9??!) so I don't know.

My eldest was far more grown up at this age but times have changed. I have babied DC9 a bit more because she's my last baby so it's probably my fault.

What can your DC9 do?

She still would play with toys if I play with her. But none of her friends play at all. She doesn't play by herself but she never really has to be fair.

She cries easily (her teacher said she's very sensitive) and she cries often.

She likes YouTube and TikTok, she likes to make her little videos but they are maybe babyish in content. She goes to brownies and she likes the park etc.

She can make herself a drink of squash and a sandwich but I do it for her usually. She can make her own bed. She can shower herself (I do her hair as it's bum length and mega thick). She can do all the other basic stuff like teeth and getting dressed lol,

She isn't very athletic so not good with scooter or bike etc but she likes to go to the park. When she plays with her friends it tends to be lots of role play, dressing up, she tries to play toys - but over the last school term it's like her friends have grown up and left her behind, they don't want to do those things anymore and now she's left out.

I have realised I do baby her a lot, I've always done everything for her and as a result she is quite young for her age. Her sibling was very different at this age.

What does your DC9 do?

AIBU: she's a child it's fine
YNBU: you baby her and it needs to stop

My bestie growing up still played with dolls until she was 11.
My dd9 (only child, year 4) likes to play schools with her soft toys, fashion shows with her barbies etc. lots of make believe and dressing up with friends. She loves making/playing with slime, drawing and crafts and loves watching Operation Ouch on cbeebies, playing a bit of roblox on her ipad.
Lots of her friends still play with toys and dolls I would say. Quite a few of her friends are "shy" whereas she is quite confident, and she has one who is always crying over something or other (at parties, playdates etc. I think it is improving though but she's quite a sensitive girl)
She's not super independent but can shower herself including a hair wash (but she prefers a bath with me sitting and playing), pour herself a drink, get a snack, put clothes in dirty laundry and dirty plates by the sink.
This term in year 5 her school let them walk to school unaccompanied so we are looking forward to that freedom (for her) and her independence growing. No rush though.

One of my granddaughters is 9. I wouldn't want her to have "more mature interests".

A few years ago it made me so sad when in class we were talking about Christmas and what the children wanted to ask Santa for, all the girls were saying iPhone, iPad, make up etc and one of the girls said dolls and they all sniggered. This was Year 1 they were FIVE.

This was a one off year group in that respect but it was all influenced by one or two girls who were treated like mini teens at home and sadly the other girls mainly followed them (because they'd laugh at them being babyish).

Please don't start encouraging her to pursue more 'mature interests', tell her to try to find new friends instead.

As for the crying plenty of 9 year olds still cry at school trust me, especially with friendship fallings out etc. Maybe talk to her about what's making her cry at school and think of ways she could deal with things differently.

I wish more children were like this, just allowed to stay children.

I’m not sure ‘baby-ish’ is the right word, but it’s possibly worth digging a little deeper about the concerns the school have. I’d probably also be trying to increase her independence and resilience.

I would say my 9 year old sounds quite grown up in comparison. However, she still does engage in imaginary play with her sisters and close friends. In comparison though, she is training at a high level for 2 sports and takes a good level of responsibility for herself. This includes things like setting alarms, getting herself completely ready, packing her school lunches and food for sports, ensuring she has all her belongings, and completing any schoolwork that needs doing. She can also prepare simple meals and competently does some household chores without prompting. She rides her bike to and from school with her older sister without issue. Most of her friends are very like minded and it would be quite unusual for any of them to cry at school. She is really thriving at the moment and it’s amazing to see her mature and have a blast with her friends and sports. Our relationship is definitely changing and I no longer feel like the parent of a little kid anymore.

On the flip side, we don’t allow social media at 9, so she is ‘behind’ some of her friends in this area. My DD would happily still go to a park, provided there was age appropriate equipment! She still likes plenty of ‘kid’ stuff like slime, arts, and creative outlets etc. Her interests aren’t ’grown up’ but she has a lot of skills and resilience.

Your dd sounds perfectly fine.
Wearing make up and having a skin care routine at 9!!!!!! Wow awful, totally trashy.

I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with your daughter at all. I feel sad for her friends who are growing up so fast (too fast imo. Fucking skincare regimes at 9 ffs) and for her, because she’s got no one to play with her on that level.

My daughter is 16 now but she still played with her sylvanian families and loved her soft toys right up til year 6. She was lucky that her 2 best friends also loved this stuff too. None of these girls were what I would consider immature. They’d go to the park together, climb trees, run around and stuff. Nothing wrong with any of that.

My son is sensitive, cries easily, he always has been that way. He does have SEN but I think it’s his personality and I was the same. But we’re both very empathic towards others and that is a good quality to have. That said, maybe you need coping mechanisms to work on that with your daughter as she probably doesn’t like getting tearful and upset easily.

My dd is 9 this year. She is fine with all the children in her year as they seem to be on a similar level to her (year 3). Happy to play with toys, lego, park etc. mine loves imaginary play and role play still- she is a super imaginative child. She’d probably love your dd.

mine had a child in year 4 to sleep over the other week who is a year older than her and they were not on the same wavelength at all. The older girl brought about 7 bottle of various skin care and spent all her time on her phone watching you tube, putting things on her face and calling/whatsapping her friends. They didn’t play a single thing and when I sent them to the park they returned after 10 mins.

I think children are growing up way too fast. Playing and going to the park should be normal for 9 year olds not skin care and make up. But maybe work with your dd on her resilience if she cries easily

If you've babied your DD, I've definitely babied my DS. He plays with toys (dolls and plushies mainly, loves me to join in) and is similar in other regards to your DD. He can make a sandwich or toast but makes a proper mess!

I have noticed lately though some of the girls he's been friends with are becoming way too grown up - mobile phones, makeup, tiktok etc. In one girls case - self bloody harm. He's also finding that they're likely to leave him out - he dies an activity with several of them that none of the boys from his school attend. Some of what they've been doing/saying is pretty bitchy IMO. Girls can be a nightmare at this age (well preteen really) but your DD sounds lovely.

I remember getting a lovely dolls house as a present when I was 9. I would sit and play with it until I was probably about 11. I believed in Santa till 12. It’s not done me any harm. Childhood is short. Your DD sounds perfectly normal!

Jeezo, what has the world become. Obviously encourage age appropriate chores to help gain independence and confidence, but she’s 9 years old. She’s a child. We were playing ponies and made up games at that age. Make up and skin care? You must be kidding?!? Feel very sad for the kids of today, surrounded by the internet and forced to grow up so fast.

I would not worry about the playing. But I think the crying easily does need to be worked on. Other children and adults do get fed up of a 9 year old who is still crying very easily. Its boring and annoying. She needs to learn how to manage her feelings better.
I would be encouraging her to be more independent as well. There are plenty of online lists that say what a child should be able to do at different ages. Work on those with her. It helps children build self esteem if they are able to do things by themselves.

Also try and dress her in age appropriate trendy clothes. Sadly if children are struggling with friendships it does make a difference. If a child is the type to be popular it matters far less.

I would also listen to the adults round about you who know your DC, rather than strangers on a forum. They are telling you there is an issue, even the teacher has commented, they know your DD.

My 11 yo dd still plays with her our generation dolls, doesn't weer make up apart from for a school disco or something. She doesn't have a skincare routine beyond eczema emoiliant and is not allowed snap chat or tic tok. She does go out to play with her friends...and they do still play make believe games, and she still watches quite young TV. Why the rush for them go grow up?

I have a 9 year old DD.
She plays with toys with her friends Barbie, salvation families and role play are all common on play dates.
They attend brownies, ballet, gymnastics , horse riding etc
Make up play and dress up does go on but no serious skin care.
None of the children my DD knows have phones and no tic toc going on. ( Parents would be horrified in this school, I can literally imagine the WhatsApp horror if someone did that )
They all seem perfectly capable of getting drinks , helping with cooking and chores.
I think you will find what goes on with this age group may be different depending on area and social group etc.

The skincare fetish is bloody irritating.

as for the rest of it:

She still would play with toys if I play with her. NORMAL. But none of her friends play at all. MORE FOOL THEM. She doesn't play by herself but she never really has to be fair.

She cries easily (her teacher said she's very sensitive) and she cries often IRRITATING

She likes YouTube and TikTok SHOULDN’’T HAVE ACCESS TO THEM, she likes to make her little videos but they are maybe babyish in content. She goes to brownies FABULOUS and she likes the park GREAT etc.

She can make herself a drink of squash GOOD and a sandwich GREAT but I do it for her usually BAD She can make her own bed GOOD. She can shower herself GOOD (I do her hair as it's bum length and mega thick) IMPRACTICAL She can do all the other basic stuff like teeth GOOD and getting dressed lol, I SHOULD THINK SO

She isn't very athletic FINE so not good with scooter or bike etc but she likes to go to the park. GREAT When she plays with her friends it tends to be lots of role play, NORMAL dressing up, FUN she tries to play toys NORMAL - but over the last school term it's like her friends have grown up and left her behind, they don't want to do those things anymore and now she's left out. SHAME

It sounds like your child is a normal 9yr old and happy to be so.
I would be please she is comfortable to play and be herself.
Sensitive is at least a very normal behaviour classed as annoying or difficult for those who are intolerant or ignorant.

This is who she is so work on the communicating.
Perhaps she could play with other children maybe younger or more her type.
Not being sporty is not something i would care about more so finding is she more musical, artsy.
I would rather a 9yr old be into what they are into not trying to fit the mould of tik tok nonsense, makeup and whatever influences these poor kids are rammed into them.
Hopefully you can encourage her to communicate clearly and let her be.
My child plays with a sensitive older child who likes nothing more than getting out on a scooter and going out playing being a kid.
The child is sensitive and has moods but we steer them home if it becomes to challenging usually tired
I think it is great friendship.

Seems fine to me, my DD9 likes to play with baby dolls, teddies etc, role play, dance routines, lots of crafting as do the 4 girls she's close to. Also likes the park, riding her bike, roller skates, skateboard etc. All seems like normal kid stuff to me (she's the youngest and is DC3), there's been no mention of skincare, brands or any of that kind of thing and its not something that I notice being a thing amongst her classmates or team mates .

She watches some YouTube (mainly minecraft, lego, crafting and Reborn doll stuff) but doesn't have access to tiktok or have a phone. This is normal amongst her close peers here. I wash her hair and sort it on school days (also long and thick) but she does it at the weekend.

I don't think it's babying them to let them groatand play at the pace they're ready for, kids are pushed into growing up too fast these days which is sad.

@CristabelSeagrave do you really think there is no issue with OPs DD when multiple adults and the teacher have mentioned concerns, and friends are no longer wanting to play with her?

What does "not good" with a scooter or bike mean?

For me & mine at that age it would have mostly been playing outside with friends when possible tbh.

Perhaps the only odd thing is that she doesn't play by herself?

Or do you mean that she can't entertain herself?

My 9yo plays schools with her younger sister for ages. She has absolutely no interest in skincare or make up, I can barely get her to brush her hair if I'm honest. We don't have an ipad so she doesn't have access to youtube/ tik tok. She is sporty and plays football in a team and goes to cubs.

She's capable of making drinks/ snacks but a lazy little tyke so will ask me.

I think there is a big divide at this age, but it is normal to play! What would concern me is the struggle with friendships and I'd check in with teachers Encourage friendships out of school.

I do wonder what the hell these kids with a skin care regime are going to be like hitting puberty or reaching adults. Straight onto botox and fillers 🤨

MyQuaintDog not really, I can't see from the OP how she is being babied, she's just doing what she's comfortable doing at this stage. I don't think she should be made to feel like how she plays is babyish or that she should be pushed into more 'mature' things, she's only just turned 9!

The issue is that she needs help to build emotional resilience and confidence... but confidence to do her own thing and not follow the crowd if thats not where shes at. Pushing aside her own needs and wants to fit in won't lead to a happy child. Multiple adults...perhaps the parents of the kids that are doing really 'mature' stuff at 9? Not an opinion I would value. Teacher yes but see above, help with resilience and confidence not stopping what she enjoys to fit in.

At 9 mine was doing more around the house, including preparing a lot more food in the kitchen. Played with sylvanian families and lego, built miles of train tracks, did a lot of crafts. Minecraft but did not have a phone or go on tiktok. I did encourage a basic skin care regime but only to build in good habits so face wash and moisturiser. Make up strictly for stage only (still the case now at 12 by choice)

Do you feel the toys and role play are age appropriate?

I think your daughter sounds absolutely normal and I don't think you are babying her at all. I would be far more concerned if she wanted to start using makeup and skin care products at 9. My daughter was still playing with toys at that age and I would never have expected her to make her own sandwiches etc, although she was capable it it was necessary. We didn't allow her to post any videos online at that age and monitored her internet usage.

I think it's a great shame that so many children try to be mini adults at such a young age.

@CristabelSeagrave she is crying very easily. That will be labelled babyish and other children and adults soon get fed up of this. She is not a tiny child. She also sounds like she has a lack of independence, and that can be wearing too.