Is DD babyish? What can your DD9 do?

[purplerobot]

DD turned 9 last week and is having friendship problems.

Everyone seems to think DD is babyish for her age, including friends and other kids parents (they say it nicely). I think some of her friends are too grown up (doing skin care and wearing makeup at 9??!) so I don't know.

My eldest was far more grown up at this age but times have changed. I have babied DC9 a bit more because she's my last baby so it's probably my fault.

What can your DC9 do?

She still would play with toys if I play with her. But none of her friends play at all. She doesn't play by herself but she never really has to be fair.

She cries easily (her teacher said she's very sensitive) and she cries often.

She likes YouTube and TikTok, she likes to make her little videos but they are maybe babyish in content. She goes to brownies and she likes the park etc.

She can make herself a drink of squash and a sandwich but I do it for her usually. She can make her own bed. She can shower herself (I do her hair as it's bum length and mega thick). She can do all the other basic stuff like teeth and getting dressed lol,

She isn't very athletic so not good with scooter or bike etc but she likes to go to the park. When she plays with her friends it tends to be lots of role play, dressing up, she tries to play toys - but over the last school term it's like her friends have grown up and left her behind, they don't want to do those things anymore and now she's left out.

I have realised I do baby her a lot, I've always done everything for her and as a result she is quite young for her age. Her sibling was very different at this age.

What does your DC9 do?

AIBU: she's a child it's fine
YNBU: you baby her and it needs to stop

I'm still reading the replies but just wanted to thank you all

When I say babyish I think it's really because of how different she is to her friends. Literally a few months ago her best friend was the same as DD. Now the best friend has dropped her for another girl, and this girl is very much "skincare" and doing "get ready with me" videos on Snapchat. This other girl is very outgoing and vocal (and actually quite mean!)

Well I'd take that as a blessing in disguise.

Get her in some clubs outside as pps have suggested. Brownies, drama clubs etc so not all her friendships hinge on school.

Play at 9 is perfectly reasonable. One of my kids was playing hide and seek with their friends this week. 19-21 year olds. I'm glad they still play.

What it could be important to understand whether she's reading the other childrens' cues and that she's not trying to make them play how she wants. That might be something to work on.

this girl is very much "skincare" and doing "get ready with me" videos on Snapchat.

I was in SpaceNK last week. I was gobsmacked at the number of primary school girls who were in there.

My dd got a dolls house for her ninth birthday. She was definitely playing with toys.

However, she has made her own bed since she was about three. Not changing the sheets, but making the end in the mornings.

My dc put their own washing away pretty much as soon as they could and helped with their packed lunches from about aged six. They were certainly getting their own drinks at meal times.

Does she want bum length hair that she can't manage on her own?

I mean, I don't want to be sneery about the skin care thing but it's not an "interest" is it? That's what I find sad, kids being encouraged to drop actually playing in favour of...what?

Thank you so much for all the replies!

With the "too sensitive" thing, she does cry a lot at school. She says it's because her friends are mean, or leave her out. The teacher mentioned it at parents evening and said she felt DD got upset at the fallouts but perhaps they weren't as bad as DD felt.

The other parents say DD should be able to do the things their kids do (eg go to the shop, makeup, Snapchat) and DD is isolated from her friends because she doesn't do that.

For example on a recent play date her best friend and the other girl wanted to do makeup, DD asked "what if I'm not allowed to do makeup what can we do" and the girls just went ahead and did their makeup. They even asked DD if she would buy makeup for them! (She didnt).

Some of the TikTok's these girls post are mature too like "he's not my type" and stuff about "crushes" and "get ready with me" style stuff. DD has no interest in any of this.

DD is year 4, but those girls are September born so they are 6 months older, but still... they're 9!!!!

More mature interests for a 9 year old?! 😆 do you remember being 9? I was still playing with Barbie dolls at 9 - as were all of my friends.

DD does want her hair long but we are getting it thinned out a bit. She does do things like put her plate in the dishwasher, feed the cats etc. She walks to school with her older sister. She is maybe more independent than I give her credit for. She also still calls me mummy, which her friends tease her for. She's a love bug and loves cuddles and being with me, but she is definitely less grown up than her peers seem to be.

This sounds horrific! Are there other children your dd would hang out with?

Fine playing with toys etc but she shouldn’t be crying all the time.

@purplerobot she sounds like such a lovely girl for her age. Just perfectly behaved and age appropriate. Please don't let her get into make up, skincare, tik tok etc. she will find her friends sooner and later and they will be like minded girls.

She is 9. I think the issue is friends and her having access to social media (TikTok is not appropriate for kids!). Does she have friends outside school?

I would try to remove her from this peer group even if it means a school move. If they're like this at 9, imagine what they'll be like in a couple of years. I don't think this is the norm generally (at least I hope it's not), but there are parents who encourage/allow their children to "put childish things" away too early. It's a real error in terms of their development - children thrive on lots of physical and imaginative play. Not to mention exposing them to lots of superficial and hyper-competitive content regardless of its effect on mental health. I wouldn't want my kid around this but of course your DD will want to fit in with her peers.

OP, your daughter is crying because she is being bullied. She is going digitally excluded. What on earth are the school doing about this!?

What kind of parents are letting their year 4s on TikTok? Blimey I’m glad my 10 year olds friendship circle and group of parents is nothing like this. It sounds awful and I hope your child makes new friends in year 7.
I know a couple of them heard about the skincare trend but it hasn’t really caught on because most of us are sensible and don’t actually let them buy overpriced stuff they don’t need. Why do these children even have phones to access TikTok?! This is so odd.

She sounds lovely. I don't think it is unusual to cdll your mum mummy at 9. This seems like a peer group/ school issue.

I agree. I’d be encouraging a new friendship group or a new school - or area!

It sounds like these girls are mean. Nothing wrong with calling you "mummy". It might be better to encourage her to find other friends elsewhere.

I'm not sure about the make up thing. I wouldn't make a big deal about her trying it out - can't you just see it as face paint? I wouldn't expect any girl not to be "allowed" to play with it at home/on a play date. Obviously they wouldn't be wearing it for school but I don't see any harm in seeing it as a face paint type activity.

Long hair is annoying for all sorts of reasons.

If they are bullying her/ excluding her now... If she stays in the school the next couple of years will be awful. Please look at a school move. Allow her to be the lovely child she is.

I’m gobsmacked any parent is daft enough to give them that much money to go in there 🤣

My child’s school showed them on tv a report about children’s skin being burnt or having reactions to adult products as a warning.

Skincare? Makeup?
I think I was still enjoying the odd brush of my barbie’s hair when I was 9.

She's 9 years old. To me, it's completely normal to be playing with toys at that age. Children grow up way too quickly now. You're an adult a loooong time! I have a 17 year old 14 year old & at 9 years old, both of mine were still playing with toys. They were also very sporty, but very young minded at 9 years old. My 14 year old daughter is still quite young minded which I like- she's in no rush to grow up, doesn't plaster herself in makeup etc, but is very level headed & caring, & my 17 year old is on track to go to Cambridge University.....he was still playing with hot wheels cars at the age of 12/13. Let them be children for as long as they like. Childhood doesn't last long.

This. So very much this. Think the most we did make-up wise pre proper teens was bright nail polish and hair glitter.

I'm lucky if my 9 year old washes are face! Definitely isn't worrying about skincare and tik tok.
She sounds perfect I'd seriously consider moving schools