Where can a good looking, educated 30 yo woman meet a man in London?

[Rehne]

I turned 30 last month and it was quite possibly one of the top 10 saddest days of my life. Probably broke down in tears 3/4 times just due to dissatisfaction with where I am in life.

So I have a lot going for me. Objectively considered beautiful, went to top university and in decent enough shape. Got onto a Times 100 grad screme and have a decently enough paid job.

My university boyfriend and I broke up during Covid and I’ve been struggling to convert dates into relationships.

I’m dating supposedly grown up, successful men in their 30s but have not come across on viable option.

In the past year I’ve been on dates with 2 doctors, a guy from JP Morgan and someone who owned their own business. And I’ve had unsolicited dick pics, love bombing…you name it.

It may sound like I’m going after a certain type but I’m just interested in someone who has their head screwed on re finances. As I would like to be a mum.

Where can I meet guys in London? I’m really over the apps. So many weird men in the world.

My career is fine but it hasn’t exactly exploded the way I had intended. And my love life is dead. I’m 30 (want to be a mum). And just really scared.

I can go to a pub/bar no problem and get approached but nothing ever comes of it - well other than dick pics it seems.

I think my personality is nice enough - I’m considerate, kind and easy going. Do not let it known how “desperate” I really am.

Could an old school introduction agency for professionals help you?

Stop thinking of yourself as a product and of other people as products. If you are looking for a human connection, a shopping list will not do it. I'm not denying what makes people attractive but it cannot be the headline. You need to focus on the connection first.

What do you enjoy doing? Do you have hobbies? Singing? Sailing? Something else? Work on making yourself happy and being in the places that people you might like will be and you will naturally attract people to you. You are still young, don't panic.

Aren’t there quite a few singles events in London these days allowing you to meet in real life? I’ve seen posters on the tube! I think more & more people are becoming disillusioned with the apps. I also went to a singles night at Curzon cinema years ago which was quite good.

London dating is brutal. There are just so many people.

Are you dating similar to your age? This is a massive generalisation, but I find that my friends in London seem to keep hold of the quasi-student, no responsibility lifestyle for way longer than those living elsewhere. I think it's due to having to house share etc. I can't think of any of my London male friends who would be ready to settle down and have a baby, and they are all mid-30s.

Have you tried ‘Spoons?

😂

I agree with PP.

What are your interests and hobbies?
Those are the things that lead you to make a real connection with someone, not if they went to uni or earn a lot.

The live of your life could end up being a carpenter, or postman or lifeguard!

Walk around yachts looking confused, like you need directions. Or some other place where poshos hang out.

You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to be ‘successful’ and to find someone equally ‘successful’
… many people find a partner through things they have in common, like work or hobbies.
maybe just chill a bit, and as for going out with someone from JP Morgan, Bleurgh.
Finance dudes are THE worst.

Agree with this. You seem unduly focussed on a tick list of ‘handsome, rich, charismatic, but also great dad/husband potential’. V few men stack up to this, and the ones that do are usually snapped up by their mid/late 20s.

You seem very fixated on what potential partners do and what they have.

I met DP in a work trip abroad, both of us from 2 countries other than the one we met in. Before that I went out with a friend of a friend, before that someone from a hobby we shared, before that someone I picked up in a pub on a night out… relax a bit… you never know where you might met someone new.

You have another ten years plus probably to be a mum. Freeze your eggs now if you can afford it that's what I did. I also rushed into having a baby with someone who wasn't right and look at my user name. If I was in your position I would be doing golf and tennis and rowinglessons and joining a club and making friends with people there.

Also have a phone call before meeting anyone on an app

Friend of a friend, is the tried and trusted thing.

Ramp up your social life as much as possible. Do not focus on men, just be out in the world.

You are so young! Please chill a bit.

You do seem to massively be reducing your options but going for a certain type.

Agree with PP that finance dudes are the worst. And lawyers (I am one). I don't mix with doctors, but the only one I ever met on a night out was hitting on me despite knowing I was married. Can you try to meet someone more organically through hobbies?

Go on meetup.com and find a social group you enjoy and meet people that way.

I agree about a friend of a friend; I assume a lot of your friends move in similar social circles so you're more likely to find someone who meets your criteria

I was worried I would come across as a gold digger/status obsessed . I’d quite happily date someone who worked in trade if they were in a position to support a family in the next few years.

I’m highly aware of the fact that I would like someone who is financially secure as children are so expensive.

I’m not targeting financial bros. This one guy I dated liked dogs and experienced a similar event to me in their childhood.

I'll be honest I wouldn’t date someone who earns less than me but tbh that’s quite normal for my peers.

I’m highly aware of the fact that I would like someone who is financially secure as children are so expensive.

Kids are as expensive as you make them.
Lots of poor people have kids you know!

It may come across like I’m posh but I’m just averagely lower middle class - my mum is a nurse and dad is a teacher.

Yacht clubs are not on my radar.

Just would like a nice bloke who has put effort into their career like I have.

I hear you, I was the same. I met my first husband through work, inthe City. But we were 28. I had pretty much given up

Sports clubs? Two benefits: getting fit, meeting people.

2nd husband, met through Tinder. Again meeting the right criteria but this tiomein our late 40s. He was on it for 2 hours. I had been on it for nearly three years...

It is slim pickings. I would aslo recommend freezing your eggs now, you will feel more in control.

Also, can you move company to get your career restarted?

I did the apps when I was mis30s and as a professional I tended to date other professionals mostly. I am not sure more manual worker makes want to date female accountants or lawyers either.

So just many many dates (well beers after work). I didn't want kids so that was easier.

Met someone who as an it professional but no degree (I'd put a degree on criteria) and that's fine. Been together 14 years. But it's just luck really.

I know lots of married or marrying Londoners. They all met them through their places of worship. Do you have a faith?