Where can a good looking, educated 30 yo woman meet a man in London?

[Rehne]

I turned 30 last month and it was quite possibly one of the top 10 saddest days of my life. Probably broke down in tears 3/4 times just due to dissatisfaction with where I am in life.

So I have a lot going for me. Objectively considered beautiful, went to top university and in decent enough shape. Got onto a Times 100 grad screme and have a decently enough paid job.

My university boyfriend and I broke up during Covid and I’ve been struggling to convert dates into relationships.

I’m dating supposedly grown up, successful men in their 30s but have not come across on viable option.

In the past year I’ve been on dates with 2 doctors, a guy from JP Morgan and someone who owned their own business. And I’ve had unsolicited dick pics, love bombing…you name it.

It may sound like I’m going after a certain type but I’m just interested in someone who has their head screwed on re finances. As I would like to be a mum.

Where can I meet guys in London? I’m really over the apps. So many weird men in the world.

My career is fine but it hasn’t exactly exploded the way I had intended. And my love life is dead. I’m 30 (want to be a mum). And just really scared.

I can go to a pub/bar no problem and get approached but nothing ever comes of it - well other than dick pics it seems.

I think my personality is nice enough - I’m considerate, kind and easy going. Do not let it known how “desperate” I really am.

I do too. But I am 5 foot 12. I assume most shorter men wouldn't want to date a tall lady either particularly.

Of course I want someone kind hearted and easy going. I just haven’t specified that in the post.

Decent salary is just an initial filter. Would happily be with a guy in trade if they had set themselves up for the future like I have.

My DH and I baffled people when we started going out.

He was 6ft, gym goer with amazing body, basic entry level professional job, decent savings, middle class family RP accent (20 years ago), I was short, fat, bad teeth, mad hair, similar type of job with zero savings and debt with undeniable working class background and south London accent.

We met doing a hobby we had in common and over months we got to know each other and realised how much we got on. His family are wonderful, my family loved him, we just clicked.

‘On paper’ criteria means very little. Having similar values, ambitions, desires etc are what matters.

Do things you like, meet people who like doing the same things, take your time.

A good proportion met at university. And quite a few have been successful on apps actually.

Couldn't resist (Sorry) :)

But I am 5 foot 12

never seen that written down 😆

I know, but that’s my point- your initial filter is on salary rather than other things that I think should be way higher up the priority list when looking for a partner. From the very beginning you’re disregarding a huge number of people based on something quite superficial.

Also, you do know that a lot of tradesmen earn enormous amounts?!

Some very practical suggestions.

Feeling less overwhelmed, so thank you!

I think you’re looking at men like commodities, and your life like a checklist.

First and foremost is a life that you enjoy living. What you’re missing is intimacy - maybe not physical but one that comes with a close personal relationship. That has nothing to do with location and jobs and finances and careers. It can come in many forms, shapes, ways.

Then you say you want to be a mum: I’m afraid this isn’t a given for any woman. True, it happens for many if not most. But none of us can assume we will ever be one. It’s never worked that way and it still doesn’t. You certainly can’t assume you have a legitimate or realistic expectation to motherhood including 12-18 months as a SAHM. I mean, you’re limiting the potential outcomes of your life so drastically, and frankly which man would want to be with a woman who plans such a thing from before she ever met him or got pregnant or gave birth?

You’re 30, and personally I think you need to get your head straight a bit. You’re young, solvent, good looking, nice enough personality - life is for living! Go out there and do the things you enjoy! If you don’t know what those are, go and find them! Along the way, when you’re having fun and feeling happy and contented with your life, is when you will (1) feel your absolute best (2) likely be your most attractive as a consequence. Right now you have tunnel vision for an end goal, when really that end goal is a by-product of a happy life. It isn’t a happy life in and of itself. Marriage and kids is something that happens, along the way if you living your life, not the end goal of life.

It's a long time since I dated and most people then met partners irl. But I do know that being happy, relaxed and open to life's opportunities is the best way to find someone. I was never called "beautiful' except in the throes of passion, but decently attractive enough to attract male attention. If there was a "connection", I followed it to see where it went.

Dating online seems hit and miss in that regard so I can only suggest if you want to persist in it, you just plough on and meet 100s of guys till you get that spark.

In real life, its easier to work out who is attractive to you (and vice versa), who has common interests, who you click with etc. They aren't necessarily the best looking or highest earners. If you restrict yourself to high-earning, tall, handsome, well-educated men, you are narrowing your pool significantly.

My DH runs his own business. He's never earned more than me, even though I've worked part time more than I haven't. I would like his business to bring in more but we have managed. I think it's unreasonable and old-fashioned to expect the male partner to earn more - yes, he needs a decent salary / secure job, but that is all.

Sadly no, I’m borderline atheist these days.

OK. I'm in London and thinking of the places where there are lots of young people meeting regularly. Running. Lots of groups meet in Battersea park for eg with sections for all abilities.

Or you could get religion (or pretend to) and join somewhere like HTB or All Souls Langham or St Helen's Bishopsgate, which are TEEMING with young posho/wealthy singles. RML is the course you want to do. Is ripe for meeting potential partners. (At least you will guarantee no dick pics!)

I would get a dog if you can and like dogs. You can meet people through the dog and if you don't meet anyone you'll have more love than you'll ever need from the dog anyway. I would expand the age range you're looking in, and also don't rule out 'ugly' men. If you don't fancy them immediately, but like them as just funny, nice people, keep seeing them as just friends, see what happens, no pressure.

As well she should. She's looking for someone to be the father of her children.

Someone who works in trade? You sound like Caroline Bingley 🤣

Seriously though, I do feel for you OP. It's tough out there and I too was loosing hope at your age. I honestly think you just need to keep persevering with the apps. They suck and everyone hates them...but nearly all couples these days met on them. Once you meet the right person it will click.

I'm completely atheist but love a but of religion. Maybe do an Alpha course, they're interesting even just in the abstract.

Anyone else got the TikTok song in their head...?

"I'm looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6'5". Blue Eyes."

sorry OP, I can't help. I married the lad from school because he had a car

I'd prefer to focus on the qualities that make someone a good father rather what makes them a good tax payer.
Such as patience, kindness, warmth, humour, family orientated and being active.
How much they earn is way down that list.

Apparently running clubs are the new dating apps in London!

Honestly it sounds like you need to ‘work on yourself’ first, if you are feeling sad. Don’t rely on a partner to fix you. If you are really struggling emotionally I’d look at some counselling, otherwise, build a life you are really happy with. It sounds like you had very high expectations work wise, perhaps adjust these. And find what genuinely makes you happy, and perhaps you’ll meet someone that way. Don’t fixate on their job or salary.

No, "posh" is not the word that springs to mind...

I also find it amusing when well paid women say they would date someone who earns less than them. Do you ever hear men saying that?

Have a kid on your own. You don't need a man!

I hope that one of the suggestions works for you. And pleased to read that you have standards. Good luck.

Well I used the word posh more in reference to the posters who were mentioning yacht clubs, certain social circles etc.

I really don’t think it is as unusual as some posters are making it out that I as a professional, educated woman expect similar from a partner who I hope to raise a family with.

Honestly the men have probably smelled this a mile off. You want to be a mum and they’re just going to be a sperm donor / financial supporter in the process.

You’re not looking for a man, you’re looking for what one can give you. Children, and money.