Where can a good looking, educated 30 yo woman meet a man in London?

[Rehne]

I turned 30 last month and it was quite possibly one of the top 10 saddest days of my life. Probably broke down in tears 3/4 times just due to dissatisfaction with where I am in life.

So I have a lot going for me. Objectively considered beautiful, went to top university and in decent enough shape. Got onto a Times 100 grad screme and have a decently enough paid job.

My university boyfriend and I broke up during Covid and I’ve been struggling to convert dates into relationships.

I’m dating supposedly grown up, successful men in their 30s but have not come across on viable option.

In the past year I’ve been on dates with 2 doctors, a guy from JP Morgan and someone who owned their own business. And I’ve had unsolicited dick pics, love bombing…you name it.

It may sound like I’m going after a certain type but I’m just interested in someone who has their head screwed on re finances. As I would like to be a mum.

Where can I meet guys in London? I’m really over the apps. So many weird men in the world.

My career is fine but it hasn’t exactly exploded the way I had intended. And my love life is dead. I’m 30 (want to be a mum). And just really scared.

I can go to a pub/bar no problem and get approached but nothing ever comes of it - well other than dick pics it seems.

I think my personality is nice enough - I’m considerate, kind and easy going. Do not let it known how “desperate” I really am.

I totally agree she is in competition ( as such ) with loafs of other women who are the same if not better as a potential partner

She has a decent job and she’s very nice pretty in a off beat kind of way but for her list of what she requires in a man she’s not looking at herself and what she is also bringing to the table

she’s wants someone who is university educated but she isn’t university educated herself
she wants someone who drives but can’t drive her self

I honestly think she will be single for a long time

Yup. I can't cover all on MN. To this list, please add, 'are you available to cater to my needs or to see me when I (the man) can see you.' I was dumped when I couldn't bugger off to Cannes Film festival on a whim as I was working on my career and needed to ask for leave first which may or may not be given.

And there is a high proportion of those high earning men not interested in salary at all. So many! They are not interested in an 'equal relationship and are very happy'. Saw it many many times!

My husband could easily marry a woman with no career (just a genuine connection which we have), although he appreciates what I have achieved.

I think you need to look for older men

40's plus

The fella who fixed your cupboard for free, did you flirt with him??

Not to sound trite, but can you flirt??

These are good points.

I know a man who had no ambition, couldn’t deal with any stress and had a complete non job. He earned less than 20k a year. Interestingly, the job he had was very very similar to another which would have seen him earn more and have career options, and would have taken only a year for him to qualify, but he never did because he knew he wouldn’t be able to hack it.

His parents had good jobs and with their help he was able to buy a huge house in a nice area, with a nice car. I’m short, he lived a very middle class lifestyle and to be honest, thought very highly of himself.

But he never, ever would have considered getting with a woman who worked in the local Asda. All of his girlfriends earned relatively well, had lots of earning potential, or were grifters with similarly wealthy parents.

@Professionalpro yuup!! My DP is the same, he wouldn’t have minded if I couldnt drive, worked min wage or had a degree.
He’s very happy and proud of my achievements but it wasn’t at all part of his dating criteria.

Infact one of his brothers is high earning, intelligent, good looking, 6.4ft, physically fit and well educated. Could have easily dated a woman of any background. Another high earner or well educated woman.

He married a 4.11ft, very slim bubbly and pretty blonde who worked part time in admin and still lived with her parents.
Shes very funny and very pretty and likes to take care of the home and the kids. She keeps the house immaculate and household running. Has no interest in careers or deep discussions etc. She works admin still for pocket money but doesn’t have too. He doesn’t mind either way.

Yup. Also known as brutal London dating skewed against professional/career women .

i had to think out of the box and focus on being the man i want to meet and then he appeared. best advice i followed.

I know three couples who met in choirs (not church choirs). OK, two of them got divorced (!), but one couple is going on for 30 years and they still hold hands. Just saying.

@Rehne

You could try somewhere like Sara Eden if you really want to put your heart and soul into finding someone. I met the founder, Karen, when I visited their Windsor office for a consultation - she's very nice.

https://www.sara-eden.co.uk/about-us/

Or Drawing Down The Moon, another possibility.

https://drawingdownthemoon.co.uk/

I get you: parity of income and similar attitude to finances makes things easier. Nobody wants a liability! But focusing on income does make it all sound a bit clinical.

FWIW I’m what you might call a “career woman” and my DP is a postman who earns less than half what I do. But we have the best life because we have shared values. I just wanted someone kind, really. You could meet someone with a great salary but if they’re stingy, or expect you to do all housework, you’ll be worse off than me and my postman.

You keep protesting it’s not all about the money but you seem to be very fixated on the man’s salary.

I met my now DH 6 weeks after I turned 30. He was in a low paid job he’d had for ages that had no hope of promotion. He also owned a house in an area I didn’t like. 8 years on we’ve both tripled our salaries, now have jobs we love and have bought a detached home with a large garden in an area I’d always dreamed of living in since I was young.

DH is a kind, considerate and hardworking. He just needed a little confidence boost. He’s everything you’re looking for now but wouldn’t have fitted your criteria 8 years ago. Sometimes you have to look beyond material things, that’s what you can grow together as a team.

i agree with you. Of course we want to have partners who similar in career, educated and money wise. You are not a gold digger just a realistic woman. You deserve the best for yourself. Everyone deserve the best for themselves.

I’m not gonna interested to some unemployed alcoholic guy that sitting down on a bench near tesco express 😂

dating apps its horrible. I think you can meet a decent man through friend or maybe work colleagues. I met my husband through friend and also i had lots of list of what i want to find in a husband. Not because i’m gold digger but because i’m a capable woman who wants a capable man. Not some bloke who try to live rent free in my home 😂😂

I do think you're putting yourself under enormous unnecessary pressure OP.

You're practically a child in many people's eyes fgs, and yet you're doing amazingly well career wise it seems.

I had my first child at 39 and my second at 42. Both successful young adults now.

I think you need to relax a little and just live a little - so much will flow from that particularly in London. I sent my DD this link the other day - it may help you too:

sheerluxe.com/luxegen/life/how-to-make-friends-in-london

OP, it does sound like your present interests outside work are either solitary, or that you pursue them through one-off events that don't facilitate the creation of long-term friendships.

You need to join a club that meets weekly, so you can get to know the other members over time. I repeat my suggestion from earlier to join Rotary. You've said work isn't fulfilling, and I think Rotary would go some way towards meeting your personal need for fulfilment, while also giving you an opportunity to meet kind people. You should also think about trying to develop some kind of skill, and going to classes for that.

What things have you ever wished you could do? Ice-skating, indoor-climbing, karate, playing the drums, speaking an additional language, cookery, fencing, historical re-enactment? This week is the week you stop being wistful, and the week you find out how to make that little dream come true.

Omg don’t get into golf or you’ll meet a golf lover who’ll disappear all weekend and leave you with the baby !

Completely agree with that about golfers. I've also worked with lots of golfing men and invariably, they were some of the most boorish/juvenile/pathetic men I've ever had the misfortune to know.

Apparently there's a dating site called elite singles you might want to try? Think you have to apply for it and it's aimed at higher earners so at least you know people on there are looking for something similar

Agreed! My DH is also a postman and my (already higher) salary is set to increase quite a bit. I would much rather share my life with someone who works reasonable hours, enjoys their job, and never brings work home than with someone working all hours to potentially burn themselves out.

No, he's not a finance bro but he's funny, good looking, generous of spirit, and he doesn't overlook what he has now in favour of constantly trying to have "more".

There is a wide gulf between an alcoholic on a park bench and 30 year old earning 70k up. Junior doctors don’t make the cut, nor do most civil servants at that age (or ever tbh), teachers etc etc. I work with a couple of really nice single guys around the 30 mark, neither are yet clearing £60k but I bet they will be by 40 and guess what, they do earn enough to provide for a kid (because other people on their salary are managing it).