Lone man in soft play area

[solitudeisbliss]

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

I can't speak for anyone else but I would find it strange if I saw a lone female at a soft play. Not a playground, or a par, or a swimming pool cafe. But specifically sitting in the middle of a soft play just to drink their shitty coffee. Yes thats strange. I wouldn't assume they were a paedophile anymore than I would assume the man in the OP is. But I would think "how strange".

And lots of people enjoy the sound of children playing. But the sound of children playing in a park or playground is completely different to the hellish din that is soft play. Something to do with the way the sounds echo of the walls and the extreme noise levels of so many children in such a small space. No-one would think "what a lovely relaxing place for a coffee." Unless they were insane.

If you had a choice, would you pick a space where there's vigilant parents, cctv, and you stand out like a sore thumb to abduct a child?

Kidnappings also happen under the nose of parents and cctv, just saying.

Undercover detectives also follow and observe people who are suspicious. The OP maybe suspicious.

Just saying.

Or maybe, as the person who works there confirmed, people go in to use the café as a cafe.

SA happens a lot more than bad turbulence, MeToo showed that it happens a lot more than people think, and I am SA survivor so you can fuck off with your insinuation that I am passing some anxiety over non existent issues. But Id rather risk that than have to deal with SA aftermath

@DodoTired

Please learn how to behave and stop swearing at other forums members, and point out what the statistics are on children assaulted in public spaces by strangers.

We're not talking about generalised sexual assault and there's no justification for your fearmongering.

Fuck me when mine got too old for soft play I nearly threw a party to celebrate. Odd that anyone would CHOOSE to be there for no good reason, absolute hell holes.

We have an entertainment complex near us big amusement arcade at the back there’s a soft play the cafe is sort of attached
people use that as free wi fi and cheap
loads of people use that as a normal cafe
My mums 84 she does

it was a long time ago sure no adults were ever allowed on the equipment
unless your a dump and run parent aren’t you watching your kids anyway

a lone person wondering round and trying to interact with kid would set alarm bells ringing
someone sat having a brew on there phone minding there own business wouldn’t

@solitudeisbliss it was tongue in cheek but these threads do give an interesting insight into how paranoia and limited information drive insinuation and eventually false accusation. A man took a call and drank a coffee in a cafe attached to a soft play centre without interacting or showing interest in anything (or anyone else) in the premises. Somehow that's a safeguarding issue. The insinuation is that he must be motivated by an improper interest in children, or he'd go elsewhere. There's nowt that's as much fun for the villagers as a good old fashioned witch/peado hunt, and it always starts with this sort of "well intentioned" denunciation of someone's motives and reasons for being somewhere / a funny feeling et cetera - but no actual evidence or reasonable basis to allege any wrongdoing.

It's a bit like the concept of flying while Asian. This person was adjacent to children while carrying Y chromosomes - thus inherently deserving of suspicion.

Well said.
The whataboutery is absurd.

Vigilance is being aware of things which may present a danger.

Paranoia is becoming fearful about things which are extremely low risk, which is what this is.

Why are people swearing at forum members and bringing up sexual abuse for pointing out that a lone male drinking a coffee in a public place is an extremely low threat, does that seem like normal, healthy, behaviour to you?

This poll isn't representative of 'normal', the results demonstrate that people who are responding to it have high levels of anxiety present.

Anxiety disorders have risen to epidemic proportions. Why aren't you vigilant about this very real threat to both yourself and your children and more concerned which things which are extremely unlikely to happen? That's the very definition of 'strange' isnt' it?

I don't think it's at all fair that a number of PPs have declared his behaviour 'odd' - i.e. wanting to be in a noisy place when he isn't there with a child, choosing coffee that many don't rate - and extrapolate that to meaning that he is probably/definitely 'in the wrong'.

Yes, there is some 'odd' behaviour that is genuinely suspicious and does deserve to be looked into, but often it's just individuals making life choices that other people wouldn't make for themselves.

Personally, I think it's 'odd' when adults go to see Harry Potter films at the cinema without any children with them; or that grown men who are very clearly not footballers nevertheless wear football kits (with an actual player's name on the back) when walking through the town; or that people choose to eat cockles that look exactly like crusty bogies.

But none of these things are remotely suspicious, dangerous or 'wrong' - it's just personal preference; and I'm sure I do a lot of things which, to many of these same people, would also seem 'odd'.

If we all walked around thinking what the worst thing that could possibly happen is, suspecting strangers of planning child abductions we would all go mad. And the world would be a very unpleasant place. On the whole its better to assume the best of people, and most of the time its correct to do so. Odds are the random man was there for completely harmless reasons and it is only fair to assume so.

However, when writing risk assessments or making decisions re child safeguarding you SHOULD plan for the worst and SHOULD assume that at least some people will act with bad intentions. Therefore you ask, are there any loopholes in this system that a really bad person could exploit to cause significant harm. If there are is there a way to close that loophole without negatively impacting our stakeholders too much?

And that's why the individual man is not at fault in any way. But the OP is right to be surprised at the attitude of the soft play. Because it shows possibly a certain lack of due diligence due to other places.

This was my thought. Soft play centres aren’t renowned for their culinary delights. I won’t be going in to enjoy sitting at a table that hasn’t been wiped all day and eating overpriced frozen chicken nuggets. This is totally a safeguarding issue. I’m most worried about the toilets. There will be many unattended ‘older’ children in and out. Parents may not be aware that this particular establishment allows adults without children in, and on that basis, allow their children independence. If they knew childless adults were frequenting the establishment, they would likely risk assess the environment differently,