Lone man in soft play area

[solitudeisbliss]

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

You’re not wrong op. He may well have completely innocent reasons to be there but that doesn’t make it wrong to be wary. I’m sure whoever took Madeleine McCann had been quietly and inconspicuously watching the situation from the sidelines so they could spot their opportunity. Good for you that you watch your DC the whole time - I did too. Never let them out of my sight.

Some of the responses on here on are deliberately obtuse and I can only assume people are baiting you - nobody who cares about children and has half a mind on how manipulative and devious abusers are would be totally comfortable with some random lone man pitching himself in a location like that.

Maybe he works nearby and it's the closest cafe?

Thanks for your sensible response you seem to have understood where I’m coming from. I never said anything about the person themselves being dodgy at all, and I’m fully aware that abusers are more likely to be close to the family. But my post is not about abuse in general it’s about whether soft plays should change their policies so thank you.

and yes I’m deliberately not replying to the silly and extreme answers. I don’t think my OP was silly or extreme so I don’t think it’s necessary

Would you think this behaviour as equally 'strange' if it were a lone female. It's sad that society sees males as threats and predatory without any behaviour to suggest this being the case.
As a single father I often feel the need to prove myself or check how innocent actions such as helping a child that has fallen in a playground for instance might be outwardly perceived.
Males are predominantly seen as guilty until proven innocent around children, I don't feel females are viewed in the same way.
I understand the need for child protection by it is an very unfair perception of the vast majority of men.

Sound like he and others come in just to use the cafe as confirmed by the owner

if you don’t like the set up go elsewhere

All the soft plays I have ever been to do not allow people without children to come in. It’s basic safeguarding.

Could have been anything. Even a cover story for whatever lies he was telling on the phone. Background noise.

Can't think of anywhere worse than a soft play for a sit down and a drink like.

Completely agree hence why I keep saying ‘or female’. It just happened to be a male this time but I think letting anyone in alone, male or female, is maybe not the best idea.

and I think it’s really sad that you have to feel like this, I know it’s a preconceived notion that lots of people have so I always try to check myself that I’m not just assuming behaviour is weird because it’s a man, I think generally it’s just weird

You do realise men commit most of the violent and sexual crime? Good Lord… 🙄

But why is it so weird to think that adults would actively enjoy watching little children play and hear them laughing and see them running around, climbing, sliding, whooping and having the time of their lives?

This isn't the Victorian era, when children were seen as an unfortunate and annoying fact of life that had to be endured with the minimum of effort and interest, in order for there to eventually be more 'proper people' (adults) in society.

Do you think that anybody who goes to the zoo with the express purpose of spending hours closely watching the animals - as opposed to driving past on the road outside and happening to catch a glimpse of a giraffe's head over the fence - is also weird, or even maybe imagining vile bestiality scenarios in their heads?!

I think as a teacher who has child protection training, the OP is completely right to think it’s a strange policy. it’s fine to bring it up and fine to not want to give it custom, it’s definitely not the norm.
The zoo thing, really?! That’s just facetious 🙄

It is a bit strange as if I wanted to grab a coffee, a soft play would be the last place to go unless I wanted to talk on the phone and not hear a thing because of screaming children. It's not like you can say you love the vibe of the place?

I would also be worried if he was on a phone a lot he may be taking photos of kids.

Maybe it is me being paranoid, but you never know, I have heard of so many weird things happening.

YANBU. I wouldn't be taking my kids to a soft play that allowed childless adults in, especially men.

I might just be being over cautious because I work in a men's prison but there you go.

Exactly, I thought everyone knew this?

Sounds like he was taking a call ? Maybe he couldn’t find anywhere else to sit?

Of course it's hyperbolic - but so is PP who can't understand how people could possibly enjoy children with entirely pure motives.

I'm still amazed at the number of people on here who seem to believe they can leave all parental supervisory responsibilities at the door when they enter a busy public place that happens to be largely designed around children.

I do remember the soft play days, with all the little horrors who would push the other children over, whack them with the hard foam shapes, demand something that another child was playing with, even when there were other identical ones available - all whilst their parents would blissfully ignore them and be immersed in chatting or be glued to their phones. Then again, maybe they were like the ones on this thread, assuming that any adult watching a child (even a potentially aggressive stranger/older one targeting their own child) at soft play is most probably a pervert.

Plenty of abusers (sadly) have children of their own, so there's absolutely no guarantee that another parent there with their child couldn't pose a dreadful risk to your child should you not bother to watch them.

Supposing that this man who was 'shamelessly' minding his own business, drinking his coffee and using his phone had suddenly tried to get past all of the parents and staff there and grab/groom/target one of the children, do you really think he would have had any chance at all of success? Assuming that the parents weren't also all hooked on their phones, of course...

So he treated a soft play that the manager allows people to treat as a cafe... as a cafe?
And he had a coffee, talked on his phone then left?

I'm not seeing the danger tbh

Because of social norms.
Even if someone does enjoy watching little children and it was innocent they generally wouldn't go and do it because people they know that it is not the done thing and people tend to naturally know and understand social behaviour....like we know the exact amount of time to glance at someone on a bus for example before averting our gaze or else they'll think we're a serial killer.

The poster who said her dad did it said you can't do that here so presumably in her country it wouldn't have been considered socially weird.

No I don't think the zoo example is weird because going to see animals in the zoo is considered normal even if some people don't agree with animals being kept in a zoo. The judgement would be that they don't care about animals and use them as entertainment but I don't think people are judging people who go to zoos and think that they could be getting a sexual thrill out of it 😂

I'm glad I don't live in England. I'm 77, with poor mobility. I walk with a cane on good days, two canes on bad days.

Most evenings, I hobble down to a local "play park" (swings, slides, climbing frames, etc), sit on a bench, and watch the children playing.

I should mention there is no other place to sit with half a mile.

I'd hate to think that people regard me as a pedophile

I'm glad I don't live in England.

You do realise that your child is more likely to die in a car accident than get abducted by a stranger. How is a "lone male" more significant than "a lone female" in a statistical sense in this situation? 0.0003% is so much more dangerous than 0.0001%?

Again, good lord.

If you're going to make an argument that because the risk is non zero then you should definitely be talking about lone people and not lone men

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx88lvv5d1xo

I've never heard of anyone being abducted from a soft play area so people are going to have to be hyper vigilant in shopping spaces or do everything online

Still find it unlikely that somewhere that was purely a soft play would admit a lone adult.

If it’s true, though, just watch your children or ask the person why they’re there 🤷‍♀️

Maybe he has good memories at the soft play with his kids he doesn't see anymore or aren't here anymore.

If you had a choice, would you take a phone call in any cafe, or a soft play?