Lone man in soft play area

[solitudeisbliss]

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

But the OP has said what the context is.
People who aren't using the soft play can use the café.

Exactly! I know that AIBU is known for bringing out the worst in people but I really expected people to at least be thinking ‘ooh yes that’s odd!’ Fully didn’t expect so many responses saying I’m mental for thinking that it’s a bit weird or suggesting that I think everyone is a paedofile haha

I probably wouldn’t believe it either hence why I’m posting because I found it so strange. Although most seem to be saying it’s completely normal!

But the OP has said what the context is.
People who aren't using the soft play can use the café.

Nope . That just doesn’t happen.

unless it’s a local authority soft play/gym/pool or YMCA with an adjacent cafe. In which case, what’s the problem?

I would think he was a bit odd to go to a soft play cafe if you didn't have to. But I wouldn't give it another thought after that especially if the staff said people do just use the cafe. I wouldn't be logging it with 101.

This ^

My soft play sounds like the exact same set up as yours. Cafe is in the middle of all the play areas. It most definitely is fucking weird for a lone male to be there. I think aibu just attracts the wankers who just have to play the other side even though they wouldn't go to one themselves as they know it just isn't fucking normal

I go to a toddler play cafe and there are often older patrons there with no kids. What do you actually think the risk is?

Don't be utter absurd. Children are a delight to watch playing and it's only the bonkers conclusions that people like you jump to that stop the decent men from feeling they can do so - whilst the bad ones probably stare anyway, but hiding behind a tree or a newspaper or something to avoid detection. They would do so, because to them, they know they are up to no good.

I'll let you into a secret: all the dads and grandads who like to watch children playing were once children themselves. Some parents actually gain a lot of pleasure from watching their own and other kids playing, beyond the basic minimum that they have to do to supervise them. Are they all paedophiles as well? Should they be scrolling on their phones and ignoring their children save for a cursory glance every couple of minutes and listening out for any screams?

Out of 108 posts the majority disagree that the man is a nonce for being in the same room as children. How is that a wanker opinion?

He didn't do anything AND he had a phone call which suggests he was meeting someone, or at least wasn't fixated on piercing on children.

Are you honestly suggesting that you would have noticed a woman sat on her own in a soft play and written a Mumsnet post about it? Come on now

Thank you for acknowledging this. I know people tend to comment more negatively on AIBU than any other board but I did naively think that most would agree it was weird (if there wasn’t a reason for it, which appreciate there may have been!). I think most aren’t understanding the set up at all, it’s not a separate cafe at all it’s part of the soft play so no one sane would go in there just to drink a coffee

but if you read the AIBU I’m not saying I think he’s a nonce! I’m saying do you think there should be rules against lone adults drinking coffee in the middle of a soft play for no good reason.

People have offered up multiple plausible explanations which even you seemed to think reasonably, but you seem to be desperate to believe he was up to no good.

But if the manager is saying, yes in fact many people do come in and use it as a cafe without kids then maybe you are missing something and it does hold some attraction other than being a soft play.

it is EXTREMELY unlikely that there are a number of peadophiles frequenting the area ESPECIALLY as if they were just wanting to watch children they would be far less inconspicuous doing so at the local library/shopping centre\outdoor park

it’s probably far more likely that this cafe/soft play offers free wifi, or cheap coffee, doesn’t have his ex girlfriend working there etc etc

Yes, indeed. The one that we used to take our DS to when he was little did the same.

Also, they only charge for the soft play, so adults don't have to pay an entrance fee - based on the not unreasonable assumption that they will not be using the soft play and will probably be either enabling a paid-for customer to attend and/or buying food and drink from the cafe.

Not everybody is a coffee snob and not everybody minds a hubbub in the background. Those saying how horrendous soft play places are are probably basing that on interacting with their and other kids there; if you're there without children and so aren't in the firing line, maybe that's just not an issue for you in the first place.

For all we know, he might be a real introvert and he's discovered that he can sit at a table in the soft play with his phone or laptop and a coffee and cake, knowing that nobody will go anywhere near him because they assume that, as a single man without kids, he MUST be a paedophile.

I think it is safeguarding risk and I would no longer go to this soft play

Is this the other thread all over again - the one where, apparently, no 'normal' (non-paedo) man would ever want to work in a nursery?

I swear that some mothers must actually want men to get them pregnant and then just disappear, leaving them (and possibly other women) to all the 'women's work' of having anything whatsoever to do with caring for, looking after and enjoying living in an all-age society, of which children are a completely normal part.

No Op, I don't think there should be 'rules' about lone adults entering

No different to a guy anywhere surely? Guy loitering near the park, at the shopping centre etc. I am always watching my child when out so I’m not bothered about men being around.

If men want to covertly film little kids playing, they don’t need to go to a soft play centre. They can go to any park, playground or beach and do it, any time they like. It seems highly unlikely to me that would go somewhere where they would be as conspicuous as they would be in a soft play centre.

Also, you do know that people with kids of their own can also be paedophiles, right? Every adult in the place is just as likely/unlikely to have been a paedophile as him, whether they have a child with them or not.

Ultimately ‘man has coffee in the presence of children’ isn’t a safeguarding issue.

Are you saying I'm lying about what the OP has said that employee at the soft play said? Or that she is?

Because I've no skin in this game and am simply quoting what she said.

No, I don’t think lone adults should be banned from places where there are children playing. That’s all soft play is. A place where kids are playing (and are supervised by numerous adults). You might as well ban single adults from going to the beach or sitting in the park or going swimming. You’re being utterly ridiculous.

Have you had your dad vetted?
Far more likely that he'd like to fuck his own grandchild than a random bloke on the street.

If not, why not?