Lone man in soft play area

[solitudeisbliss]

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

A child is £6 with one free adult

Additional adults are £2 each.

So going off this it’s not clear if he would have been charged as he didn’t have a child with him.

That seems entirely feasible

Could be lots of perfectly reasonable explanations.

Agree

Thanks again for everyone offering other explanations. All of those could have been entirely possible.

Once again I’m not saying he was up to anything it just made me wonder if there should be a rule against it to stop potential problems in the future.

Do you pay in for adults or just children?

they may not have a policy but I don’t really believe people with no kids are hanging out in soft play. Its literally akin to hell and the coffee is always terrible.

There is most likely some reasonable explanation.

I wouldn’t be against a policy of only letting in people with kids but it would be hard to enforce as someone could just say that their wife and kid were in there. I don’t think pedos hanging out in soft play would be really common anyway - abuse works differently to that.

nothing strange imo as some people like to watch kids play and others can't stand kids

when we see kids, me and my OH - the small ones often remind us of our grandkids

I've seen a lot of odd things but via work, I've met a couple of ex-offenders re kids. To be clear I'm quiet aware and really good at judging people but these ex-offenders came across the nicest, politest people - I only found out during completing the assessment because they declared it. There was no reason to declare it as my assessment was re their ability to do certain things. This was over 30+ years ago but I recall the two times I met these people for the first time when they declared it. As time went on, with the advent of internet etc, we are all wiser what people can be capable of

We must never judge people by their appearance etc is they way we were brought up and trained at work along with other '"equality" stuff

Always have an open mind and try to keep alert as possibly and will endeavour not to offend anyone

Maybe he identifies as a child. Nothing would surprise me these days 🙄

What 'potential problems'??

The problem here seems to be you op!

The thing is a soft play isn't a school or a childcare setting so it doesn't operate like one. It is a money making business. If the owners decide they are happy to let people in to use the cafe then that is really up to them.

Obviously if someone is behaving inappropriately with the children that's different but sitting drinking coffee is not a crime.

If it had been a lone female would you have felt the same? Maybe being around children makes him feel happy? Maybe he can’t have any of his own? Was he doing anything suspicious or creepy? I think it’s sad that your automatic reaction is one of suspicion. I think it’s great to be a “village” for children and be aware of potential danger but just remember that most people are inherently decent, and most child abusers are known to the child.

No there does not need to be a 'rule'

Lots of seperate parents will do handovers at these places.... so a mum coming to collect her kid wouldn't be allowed in?

Their website would explain how it works

How would the "rule" work?

What would this "rule" be applied to?

If you have ideas, forward them to the company and feel free to share!!

This makes sense to me.

I didn't say anything about why would a man go to a soft play without a child.
Or indeed why a man would go and have a coffee in a cafe that allows people to do so.

I was once 'confronted' in a soft play whilst my child was playing (adults weren't allowed in this particular play frame even though there are parts of it you cannot see to supervise without being in it!)
"Excuse me, do you have a child playing here?" Before I could say a word, she continued "because you can’t just hang around a soft play centre...." etc etc etc. I ended up having to loudly state that yes, of course I bloody do! There's mine" pointing to my DD. No apology of course, just an insultingly shocked looked when she saw I did in fact have a kid. I've often wondered since, if I'd been some slim & petite feminine Boden-clad middle class 'lady', if she'd still have jumped to the presumption that I'm some kind of weirdo. I expect not.
I'm sure she post on MN about the chunky, make-up free, Skechers & jeans wearing woman whom she saw at soft play and was so sure was a predator because she looked scruffier than her 🙄

People are weird.

Yes, it is.
People like the OP who think a man having a coffee in a cafe is likely to abuse her child.
Thankfully those of us who run safeguarding sessions for our staff know it's far far more likely, and sadly a lot less uncommon than you'd think, for a child to be abused by a male family member in their own home.
It's stupidity like this thread though that diverts attention from real danger. It's why the authorities no longer talk about stranger danger. It will very very rarely be a stranger.

Why on earth did he want to look at children playing? That's extremely concerning....... in any country.

Potential problem? But he wasn’t. Was the café away from the soft play? Yes Yes to PP who said statistically your child is more at risk from male family members.

Oh don’t be ridiculous, some people enjoy watching children playing and enjoying themselves, not concerning.

Maybe he just needed to make a phone call and fancied a coffee without even being aware it's a soft play. Our local park cafe is right in the middle of a play area, there's no reason I shouldn't go there on my own, it's been there for years.

FFS, why on earth is that concerning?
What kind of a twisted culture do we live in honestly

If someone wanted to remain an undetected paedo, I would think the very last place they would go alone is a soft play cafe.

The UK is definitely stranger paedo obsessed compared to other countries I have lived in.

Almost all softplays near retail parks / gyms etc like to allow lone adults in for coffee.