Lone man in soft play area

[solitudeisbliss]

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

So what are you saying he is, if you "feel it's a potential safeguarding concern".

I was about to file it in the not everything with a penis is a child molester file.

Sorry if I was unclear. I might report that the soft play are allowing adults in with no children, rather than reporting this man himself

Report to who?

I don’t know, hence why I was asking for advice?

Report to?

🤣🤣🤣

I'd imagine you can't report. They're a private company, not an educational facility so ofsted aren't interested.

It's down to parents to supervise, the management are responsible for kicking out anyone actively threatening children's safety (filming, following, touching...,) not just having a coffee and taking a call

Even if there was somewhere, this (aadults sharing a space with children) is unlikely to cross any threshold of intervention

I would email to check their policy and if you get it confirmed in writing I'd probably kick up merry hell on the local Facebook group. I don't think it's an appropriate place for solo adults to be. I'd want to feel confident that my DC can do some independent playing in the play frame without worrying that a random man is watching them for nefarious reasons or might try to abduct them. My local soft play are really strict about only letting people in if they have a child, I've had to go and collect my husband at the gate when he's arrived late.

Well, that's a great attitude towards safeguarding. Don't worry until a child's been harmed?

FTR, I do think Mumsnetters can be a bit ... overzealous about potential risks. OP isn't, though. She observed an unusual behaviour, someone 'out of place', and queried it. That's exactly the right approach. (c.f. The Gift Of Fear).

Thank you for understanding. I really thought that most soft plays had this rule so was shocked that mine didn’t. And yes your advice was the sort of avenue I was going to go down, as I don’t think it’s a good idea for solo adults (regardless of gender) to be somewhere that is specifically for kids

I'd probably kick up merry hell on the local Facebook group

This is utterly stupid and complete hysteria.

Kicking off and posting on a local Facebook group would just cause unnecessary rumours and panic. It could also make a misery for a potentially innocent man - as none of us know why he was their in the first place. There are many circumstances, already explained throughout the thread, why he was there.

Child abductions are incredibly rare. Even more so in a soft play center. There are always going to be weirdos and creeps and parents should always be on alert when with their children in public - but this thread is complete bonkers.

Thank you! Believe it or not I’ve had lots of safeguarding training and I do understand how to identify risks. Once again, I posted looking for advice rather than to be dramatic about finding a potential paedofile. I care deeply about the safety of my child and others and whilst this one particular individual may have not been doing anything wrong, that’s not to say that the next random coffee drinker will be so innocent

@FlissyPaps child abductions etc are thankfully extremely rare because places have proper safeguarding policies in place. I don't agree that this soft play has 🤷‍♀️ why court risk over something so obvious?

@tweetypi you honestly believe a soft play centre not vetting lone customers is a risk for child abduction?

Every soft play I used over a decade or so with my daughter both locally and of course all the places where various birthday parties were held would not let an adult in without a child. (I was in north London so probably a dozen or so different soft play)

Therefore I suspect the location the op is describing isn't actually a 'pure' soft play as understood by the board - more like those attached to pubs, hotels, seaworld cafe's etc.

Its kind of interesting how you learn to tune out the din of a soft play - you only notice when a phone call comes in and you can't hear the caller - if op's predator received a phone call and actually handled it then it must have been an unusually quiet/not a "pure" soft play? If he was just sat there browsing on his phone, not taking a call, then the place probably has great wifi.

What good would reporting it do? How would they follow up at all?

It's attitudes like this that put dads off going to soft play or playgrounds etc with their kids. My husband says he always feels judged and uncomfortable if our little one is in the playground and he's just sitting there...and it's not immediately obvious where his kid is. He feels he gets eyed up and down by suspicious mums. I told him it's nonsense and all in his head- but now he's bloody read this and has informed me that he's the one who's right! If we want dads to take as much responsibility for childcare and rearing then we need to encourage men in typically mother/child environments. And you know what... If a lonely old man sits on a park bench and watches children laughing and playing in a park and that gives him some joy, how lovely. If a man likes sitting in a soft play while he sends some emails, big deal. If he was behaving inappropriately, that's a different matter.

There are no benevolent reasons (that I can see) for choosing to spend 45 minutes surrounded by dozens of squealing kids. It's not charming as a playground park might be, it's mayhem. Most people avoid soft play unless obliged by childcare duties.

OP says that, not only was there a choice of other cafes, but the coffee shop's right in the middle of the play centre. What are an adult's likely motives for going there without a child?

It's possible he was waiting for a no-show child but, as PPs have pointed out, most centres would keep him out - for safeguarding reasons - until his ward arrived.

Not sure why I would lie about the type of soft play it is. But as explained many times before, it is a building which only has a soft play, with tables in the middle, serving coffee. It is not attached to a pub/cafe/shopping centre.

Possibly one of the strangest posts I've read in a long while.

Do you not like to watch children playing and being happy?

Does it not remind you of your own childhood?

Does it not make you smile, or bring back memories of when you're own kids were little (assuming they're not)?

'Extremely concerning' implies that you think the millions of people around the world who get pleasure out of these simple things in life, are actually get sexual kicks.

That in itself is extremely concerning and not to mention plain weird.

Sorry but there are loads of things he could have been there for. One of my cousins after my little nephew passed would go and sit at the cafe in our nearest soft play alone with memories of playing with him and she did this for many months because it brought her comfort

There are no benevolent reasons (that I can see) for choosing to spend 45 minutes surrounded by dozens of squealing kids.

Does anyone expect sipping coffee to be benevolent? I don't think so. Doesn't mean it had to be evil, either.

Several reasonable explanations suggested.

Who??

Is the coffee particularly good?

unless it is hands down amazing, I don’t believe they often get people in to drink coffee on their own. She was likely fobbing you off because they just don’t have a rule about it.