Lone man in soft play area

[solitudeisbliss]

I was at the local soft play centre with my DD this morning.

While I was there, a man came into the soft play and sat at one of the tables. He didn’t appear to have any children with him when he came in, and after watching him drink his coffee and talk on his phone (through headphones) for 45 minutes, he then got up and left.

I went to speak to the manager after he left and asked if she had noticed that this man didn’t have any children with him.

She just said ‘well sometimes people come in and use this as a cafe which we allow’.

For context, there are many other cafes within a 2 minute walk from the soft play, and it is not inside a shopping centre, it is in its own building next to a retail park. Also, you have to pay to get in, and the area is gated (people on reception have to let you in) so if they wanted to stop people from entering without children they could.

Just wondering if people think this is normal behaviour or if I should raise it with someone (please give me advice on who!) as I feel it’s a potential safeguarding concern.

AIBU - this is completely normal and nothing needs to change

AINBU - there should be a rule stopping lone adults coming in to soft play

But there wasn’t a problem.

You are being totally ridiculous.

Maybe he prefers the coffee
Maybe it is cheaper
Maybe the other cafes were too busy
Maybe he fancies one of the staff
TBH none if your business unless he was doing anything illegal.

So , OP , you're saying nobody , male or female , should be allowed to use the cafe if they're unaccompanied by a child ?

That really would cause problems/complaints .

I'd say a rule of 'must be accompanied by a child', isn't unreasonable.
Theres a play park like that near me and it's really popular. There's usually a worker by the door, but they have a camera as well. Also, the fact a lone adult would look out of place makes it less likely for someone dodgy to want to be there as they draw attention by default.
But a guy using his phone to talk and having a coffee then leaving doesn't automatically scream pervert. He could even have been off duty staff?

If he wanted to take a kid he would have went to a park, or somewhere without having to be buzzed in and out, and that has CCTV, and wouldn't have paid (maybe by card that could be traced to him), plus parents are always at soft play.

Others have offered explanations, but a man having coffee in a cafe really isn't the big deal you're making it out to be. Certainly not enough to be talking to staff and be bitching to other customers about him.

I was about to say something similar, we have neighbours who have 2 kids. They moved in about 2 years ago. My wife and I love to hear them play...there is a 12 foot hedge so I can't see them but they make a hell of a noise.

We go to the same hotel every year and have got to know the staff. The restaurant manager loves kids and will often lead one by the hand to get an ice cream. It's perfectly accepted as normal by the locals

100 million% this

A bit odd but I dint think I would be that bothered. Our local farm doesn't allow lone adults, which I find a bit ridiculous

I'm not agreeing with OP but surely a lone male getting a coffee In a soft play, not meeting an ex with their kids or the like. That's fucking weird. If I was out without my child, you can guarantee a soft play is the last place I'd be frequenting for a coffee especially when there are other places just as close 🤣

So if a single woman did the same would that scream pervert

Yes I would agree it's unusual for any adult to go there without kids but could be a simple reason

I don't think he is a safeguarding issue or what he did would have been in any way harmful to any children. As others said he probably was meeting someone there who cancelled.
However the somewhat dopey attitude of the staff "oh sometimes adults pay to come in and use this as a cafe and we let them" would annoy me because, as another person said, if its advertised as a kids play area and has a gate I would assume it was operating a child's play area. If they are treating it as a cafe and anyone can go in it would be better if that is clearer.

Unless the venue impose restrictions on how can enter, and given there’s no suggestion he was behaving inappropriately, I’d say he has as much right as anyone else to be there.

Yes that’s exactly my point thank you! I’m not saying there wasn’t a reasonable explanation for this particular occasion, but if they’re just letting random people come in and people are coming without any kids (for no other reason) that’s a bit strange?

and just to clarify for anyone saying it’s a cafe. The cafe is NOT separate from the soft play it’s in the middle of the soft play, it’s not in any way separate . So you could not possibly come and sit in the ‘cafe’ and not think it was a soft play, the equipment is in a circle around you. Even from the outside it’s just advertised as a ‘soft play’ not a cafe.

sorry to have offended anyone, I really don’t into every situation assuming people are paedos. And I understand that child abuse works very differently MOST of the time. However, I think I would be pretty naive as a parent to not even consider that lone adults (male or female!!!) choosing to drink their coffee in a crowded soft play are something keep an eye on.

also, those asking how a ‘rule’ could be applied, as others have said it’s standard in other soft plays to not allow adults in without children. If anyone needed to meet a child in there they could wait in the foyer area before being allowed into the soft play once their children were there. I don’t really understand why this would be a hard rule to enforce, or why it’s considered as extreme as some are suggesting.

Yes exactly! It was this response that I thought was unusual. Even from the outside it’s covered in pictures of kids and cartoon animals and soft play equipment. No one coming in could possibly then think ‘oh this is just a normal cafe’. So why would staff allow them in? It doesn’t look at all like a cafe it’s a soft play that just happens to sell hot drinks

@solitudeisbliss yes, I once met my friend at a soft play with my child (she didnt have kids but is nice enough to brave the hell that is soft play to chat) and before they let her in they asked her at the entrance if she was meeting someone and she said yes, and pointed to me and I waved etc. So it doesn't have to be a staff member shouting "ARE YOU HERE TO ABUSE CHILDREN" but a bit of tactful alertness.

Yes exactly! What I’m trying to say is not that you can’t enter if you’re meeting someone etc. Just that staff should be checking the reason and if the reason is just ‘to have a coffee’ then direct them to the local coffee shop surely

(I was sat near by the entrance precisely because my friend said she felt like a bit sus buying just an adult ticket so I wanted to be able to meet her if needed.)

Of course, its possible he told them he was meeting someone and they didn't tell you that because they thought you were being nosy... But then "oh we let anyone in" isn't the most reassuring response to think up.

A normal average man would not go to a soft play establishment.

It's a fact that paedophiles are drawn to places populated with children.

Yeah I wasn’t asking to be nosey (although I can see how they would think that) I was just genuinely a bit concerned about it. And yes their response did make it clear that they do just let anyone in and that people ‘often’ come in to drink a coffee here which was what I thought was strange

Yes exactly! I know that it’s very obvious and that ‘abuse’ probably wouldn’t take place within the soft play itself but if a grown man wants just drink his coffee while watching children in soft play surely that’s a bit strange.

And just to clarify I love kids and I do enjoy watching them play BUT I am self aware enough to know that going to a soft play on my own would be strange behaviour so I wouldn’t do it.

Have you thought about joining the Stasi? I think they're recruiting.

I truly don't get the people on here who don't think this is weird, I'm pretty easy going as a person but this would make me feel quite uneasy if I saw this at a softplay!

Honestly extreme responses like this are very entertaining to me. Like yes I should be a nazi because I’m questioning why someone would want to drink their morning coffee in the hell hole that is soft play

No soft play I have ever been to (visiting for over 35 years now) would admit a lone adult, male or female. .

I don’t believe you.