To cancel lunch as people not bothered about attending

[DazedAndConfused2024]

Have organised weekend lunch as part of a friendly effort to get to know school parents with whom our children are friendly.
The date was given a few weeks ago, initial acceptances made - but now getting cancellations, elaborate reasons why x can’t come.
I’m beginning to lose the will to live and am wondering if I should just cancel entirely. I can’t be bothered to make an effort when seemingly there’s not much interest.

I had a friend who did this once. It just made those of who had accepted feel like we didn't count for much.

What a good idea. I should do this.

Couldn't have put it better. The absolute idolising of "family time" means that people are left out.
We used to invite lots of people to Sunday lunch, Christmas Dinner when I was a kid, someone different each week.
On mumsnet people act like you are weird for doing totally normal things like making friends and helping people

Are you sure ? Most people on here can't find 3 minutes to wash their hair in the shower (yet manage to chat on a forum)

Don’t cancel. I would come. I’m a great friend and very sociable. So one of me would make up for several guests who cancelled ;-)

I have not read all the posts, but I know people can be quite antisocial here. We need some sociable people in the world.

Please go ahead and have fun!

The thread has moved on a bit from the OP's original situation but just wondering - here do people generally make their actual friends? Thinking about my friendships, most of them are people I initially met through work, school, kids, kids' extra curricular etc. People I "had nothing in common with apart from x" but you can find connections with most people really, or people you connect with in most groups, surely? More weird to only shop for friends in some narrow pre conceived confines surely? I do wonder what people get up to in their family time. I love my family as much as the next person but find i still have room in my life for other people - especially if we are all socializing together with other families . Those are generally the best family moments. Maybe it is a city thing like someone else said but I have made a lot of good friends through having kids at the same sort of time and helping each other out.

Fair enough…… but surely you’d turn down the invite straight away? Not say yeah, let someone organise something and then create some bullshit excuse to back out?

All of mine are childhood friends, university friends, work friends (almost all from when I was single and in my 20s / early to mid 30s), and friends of friends.

I’ve made acquaintances from having a kid, nothing more. To be honest I find a lot of typical mummy type stuff a bit tedious.

how precious...

That sounds horrific to me but I would have turned it down straight away rather than pulling out later.

@Uoyeb people that refer to it as 'Mummy' stuff are tedious!
People can make their friends where they like.There is nothing weird about it. If people don't want to accept because they find an invitation cringed or toe curling, just don't respond. In fact looking at some of the spiteful responses on here, Im guessing many wouldn't like the vast majority in rl !

Oh god the sneering on here is terrible. Life is so much better when you try to make connections, live in community , you know, like all animals and humans have done for thousands of years

Exactly this. Hopefully the ones who make the effort to come will become good friends.

I am waiting for the " My DH is my best friend and I have no need for any other friends ever" posters to turn up.

As someone who does not live where she grew up, or went to school or university, I am grateful for these kind of mixers. London is full of people like me.

Sometimes it's actually nicer with fewer people because you get to have a proper conversation with every single person. It's especially nice when some of them don't know each other that well but end up getting along really well.

But you're a mum (presumably?) Are you tedious? If not what makes you so superior that you manage to retain a personality of your own when no one else can? There are loads of interesting parents in the world. Quite a lot at my kids' school actually. We live in the same area, have a lot of the same values, they're a good crowd. Why shouldn't they be?

Totally agree. Never had any of this when my children were at primary school.
People are so flakey nowadays. Cancelling last minute for anything just didn’t happen ,unless an emergency. I blame mobile phones / texting because people can just bail out without any conversation. Bloody rude .

Then surely you would just politely decline the invitation when it was made. I have some really lovely friends I’ve made through my son’s school and equally not offended at all by people who don’t want to socialise with me. Do hate flakiness though!

Yeah I think that's what's got under my skin. All these rude people and posters sneering at the OP's invitation and making out she's somehow in the wrong.for inviting people at the weekend.

I don’t disagree with you. In fact my earlier post made it clear that I agree with the OP - if people don’t want to do it, they should just say immediately. My description of mummy stuff was clumsy, but I wasn’t criticising it - just saying it wasn’t for me.

I don't sneer at people who make friends this way, in fact I find them quite intimidating! I'd probably suspect they were loud/alpha types who wanted to know everyone. I'm reserved until I know people well hut but I'm not shy. I just prefer to make friends more quietly and organically. I wouldn't reject a school mum's friendship but would prefer it to develop naturally rather than through organised/forced events. I also prefer 1-1 friendships rather than group friendships.

I guess I just don't really see what's forced. Seems like a natural kind of thing to me. Like inviting neighbours round for a barbecue or work people for a drink. No pressure to make friends for life, just a social occasion...I guess it's all about perspective.

Sounds like a lovely idea op. People are weird about making friends post school and uni. You’ll probably find those that turn up are more like you .

Not to mention the smug introverts with a persecution complex that you only see on here.

Hmm. All you “so busy my little family” types realise this is just a stage right? Your average child around 13 plus pulls away from you into their own lives. Wise parents make sure they have their own local friends to hang out with.