To cancel lunch as people not bothered about attending

[DazedAndConfused2024]

Have organised weekend lunch as part of a friendly effort to get to know school parents with whom our children are friendly.
The date was given a few weeks ago, initial acceptances made - but now getting cancellations, elaborate reasons why x can’t come.
I’m beginning to lose the will to live and am wondering if I should just cancel entirely. I can’t be bothered to make an effort when seemingly there’s not much interest.

The people who call this kind of event "cringey" will be the ones complaining about " clicks" at the school gates by the end of the year.

If you have ZERO time to meet strangers, fine. Say no. Some of us do have time for that.

You can just say 'no thank you, we're usually busy'. Leave the rest of people to be friendly with each other and make friends without trying to make out they're cringy. What a strange post.

Having mum friends with similarly aged children is brilliant because the kids generally love it, and you've got people to share a very specific time of your life with. My friends from before I had kids for example don't have any yet, and we've drifted apart as a result. Whereas I feel closer to mums I've made friends with at the school run due to our lives being quite similar at the moment.

I wanted to say, OP, you have done a good thing. Modern life doesn't seem to allow for meets like this for various reasons. But you have done a good thing and I would attend if you invited me. I think I could bear to not see my family for a couple of hours one weekend a year. Just about tear myself away.🙄

Where did I say I have a 'great social life'... if you READ my post it says I don't have TIME for a social life.

Most parents I know are in the same boat, you know with house, kids, jobs, lives etc... whose sitting around with so much time they can go on dinner dates with strangers at the weekend?

You said you barely have time for your own life and friends. People who would appreciate something like this may not HAVE local friends to spend life with.

Or, they may feel that it's always ni ento meet new people and that you never know when you might meet friendly people to make new friends with! I think it's so so rude to call it cringey

Who has the time? Well, me for one. I had and have 2 hours once a year ( I assume) to spare for a parents' lunch. Since I am not running the country.

In the first sentence of your final paragraph ?!

Weekends are prime time especially for moms who work. And if they don’t work they usually meet during the week.
im sure initially it looked like a great idea but in reality there’s so much going on during the weekend with kids

Once again where did I mention local friends? I don't have local friends either (if you have seen my previous posts you would know I moved when my kids where born) and yes it clearly said I don't have time, what part of that is really hard to grasp?

Most people with kids are busy, its a 24/7 job theres very little socialization time but if I do have it I'm going on dates with my DH or visiting my actual friends not meeting with strangers. It's so weird, forced and based on what? that your kids got in the same school, doesn't mean you have anything in common.

Its not really normal to be an adult walking around people you don't know asking them to attend a spontaneous group date for which they have not indicated initial interest. That is not how friends are made and is just weird. Imagine trying to do that in a super market, at the bus stop or the local park? you would get a reputation. If you actually hit it off with another mam or two during the school run then maybe organize something outside of school but not mass inviting randoms to take part in something that sound honestly as fun as a group job interview (at a set awkward time that no one even agreed too).

Fair enough 👍 Why are you so scathing about people who are choosing to live their life differently to you though?? Lots of people enjoy meeting new people and see opportunities to meet interesting or friendly people in all sorts of places. There's no need to participate if it's not for you, but no need also to be so rude about it given there are plenty of people who would enjoy it. I personally really disagree with your assessment of what's normal and not. And that's fine!

Only on MN, with it's ridiculous levels of social anxiety and paranoia framed as introversion, would poor OP be framed as Martha from Baby Reindeer.

I have moved around a lot- countries as well- and I like meeting new people. Some people do. Its perfectly normal and not weird.

I’d go, even if there was only one other person you’d have lots of time to chat. It’s quality not quantity which counts

I have time to meet friends on the weekend and always have had, usually alongside the kids, but not always. I don't get this 'too busy' thing on weekends, I mean weekends are full of the things you do in them by choice, which can be nothing, lots of clubs, visiting my gran (which we did every Sun without fail my entire childhood) and the odd BBQ or meal around at someone else's house, with whichever children can't be left alone/want to come.

This is such a weird thread- if you don't like socializing, or your weekends are so 'full' or you only do family things then when someone suggests a Sun lunch, say 'I don't think I'll be able to come this time around, but thanks for asking'.

This is the elephant in the room for lonely people who want to make new friends. You can be open, friendly, reasonable social skills but you're going to get nowhere with that if you mostly come across people that are too busy or only have time for their "little family" or think reaching out to an acquaintance is "cringey".

Doesn't exactly fill you with much hope for the loneliness epidemic does it?

I’m a single mum and spend every other weekend alone. I’d love to be with likeminded people

One thing I might do, though, if not many people are coming is drop those who are coming a quick Whatsapp 'just to confirm X date and time, there's only going to be a few of us this time around, really looking forward to meeting you all either on Sun or next time!'- and set up the chairs/room for just a few people. That way you have managed expectations and it makes it feel cosy (no big room with lots of missing people). Or am I just a bit insecure? That's what I'd do anyway!

… to cancel replying to this thread because OP not bothered about reading.

When it comes to people, quality over quantity every time.

This

Even the school mums I’m close with I don’t really socialise with at a weekend, unless it’s a kids birthday party or a special occasion. School holidays we will get together with kids, but it’s always mid week, never a weekend. During the week I have lots of parent interactions but it’s fairly standard that no one hangs around on a Friday after school because everyone wants to get on with their own thing.

Saturdays are taken with kids activities so as a family we have a Sunday together with no distractions. I already begrudge having to use Sundays to see extended family and attend kids parties, there is no way I’m going to a get to know you lunch.

Socialising at kids parties is enough, friendships develop and they might turn into nights out. Our school ptfa always meets at a local bar, so parents can meet there or at a ptfa event. I think that’s more than enough.

I think people have missed the point that if you find this type of event "toe-curling" and prefer to spend every weekend with you family, you could just say no. I don''t drink much, and I hate pub food, so I am not interested in events at pubs and bars. So I say no. What I don't do is say I will come and then cancel.

The OP is talking about people agreeing and then flaking. Which I think is rude.

All the people saying they haven’t got the time or can’t think of anything worse: surely you would have just declined the invitation from the outset? Or are you actually the kind of rude twats who accept and then pull out at the last minute? Which is actually what the OP is talking about.

Oh god, this is taking me back to when DD was at primary and some people acting like having kids and a job takes 55 hours a day!

To connect with school families we have just said to 3 or 4 families we’re having a BBQ at a certain time on Saturday. We’d love you to come. Most are a bit flaky so we often don’t get a clear answer. So lots of BBQ food in the freezer and we just defrost when people arrive according to who comes.

Keep your effort really low key and you won’t feel upset. Regardless we are having a BBQ tomorrow. Zero idea who is coming, could be 10 or no one but us. Either will be fine.

There is hope! Move to a city! Very few of us have local family. I’ve found hardly any parents who won’t socialise on weekends in London. People are often disconnected, and welcome new friends, especially if not from U.K.