To cancel lunch as people not bothered about attending

[DazedAndConfused2024]

Have organised weekend lunch as part of a friendly effort to get to know school parents with whom our children are friendly.
The date was given a few weeks ago, initial acceptances made - but now getting cancellations, elaborate reasons why x can’t come.
I’m beginning to lose the will to live and am wondering if I should just cancel entirely. I can’t be bothered to make an effort when seemingly there’s not much interest.

How many are still coming, you sound like you’re just pissed off they aren’t all coming so giving a knee jerk reaction.

Surely that happens by default if less attending?

If more than 2 or 3 people are still coming, I'd go ahead as it's still a nice - and arguably nicer - number for a playdate kind of lunch. I would've expected a very low turn-out anyhow as it's weekend and people are busy and don't want to see school-related people or have chunks of time taken up beyond the usual classes and family commitments. It's nice of you to make the effort, but it's above and beyond what's usual. Most people manage to get to kids' birthday parties or school fayres, but not just a friendly lunch with people who aren't already friends. A lunch commitment kind of dominates the day. As PP said, going to the park after school or picnic after the last day of term would be more successful. Although it's still pot luck whether any parents will like each other in these scenarios to want to spend any quality time together.

I guess it depends on the kind of meal planned but a home lunch shouldn't be too hard.

It's the modern way, people say yes to things knowing there is a huge chance you will cancel nearer the time ..a sort of 'I'll say yes as it seems like a nice idea, but in reality it depends on how I feel on the day' . You may have done this yourself.

If it's come at no cost to yourself , then put it down to experience and meet the ones that still show.

This is why I don't organise things ahead where they are not close to me, they'll ditch for a better offer. Last minute works better as people know they are free

I think it is lovely, and helpful, to get on with my DC’s classmates’ parents. You’re never going to be great friends, or even like, all of them. Also, annoying as cancellations are, in reality you are never going to be able to get everyone together, every time. Taking an all or nothing approach is a bit silly, IMO. If there are still a few people coming, I’d go ahead.

So many unfriendly people on mumsnet! And irl it seems. I'd go to something like this for sure, and the fact it's the weekend might be appreciated by people who miss out on the usual after school stuff. It's probably more that the weekend has got squeezed by a build up of commitments abd something's got to give. I have fun with school parents (always a mixed crowd, I don't recognize the "mums" default often mentioned) and they're handy friends to have, being round the corner with kids the same age. Hope you have fun in the end.

I think it’s a fab thing for you to have organised! As others have said, see it as a filtering exercise, the ones who don’t flake out are the ones who will probably make good friends and beyond not being rude, you don’t need to bother with the flakes!

Yes.
Family time or not, I cannot imagine bothering with something like this.
But, for my excuse, I'm an extreme introvert.
🥲

As long as somebody is still coming, I wouldn't cancel - it might be a much smaller group than intended, even just a few others but at least they are coming. Put yourself in their shoes - if they have planned to come but you cancel because other people can't be bothered, it's like saying their company isn't worth the effort. Also bear in mind that weekends are usually tricky for families, and the fat that just because your children are friends, it doesn't mean you have to be.

Tbh that kind of thing would make my toes curl at a weekend. Thats family time.
That's not a problem as long as you decline straight away rather than leave someone hanging.

Or parents are massively overwhelmed with work/life and need a rest day.

I can’t do a lot of school stuff because I have my own business and I’m totally fucked by weekend.

If I was a stay at home mum and plenty of time on my hands I’d be there!

People are rude, it's everywhere unfortunately.
People don't turn up to doctors appointments, hairdressers appointments. Now People are being asked to leave deposits now because People don't turn up.
I've been on a few courses lately where people haven't turned up.
It's not easy organising something.

If there are some people still coming - even one person - you would BU to cancel.

If you cancel, you’re effectively telling the small number of individuals who accepted and may be looking forward to it that their company isn’t good enough.

I would definitely cancel, just say that looks like lots can’t make it, so let’s take a rain check

and then just make friends with the parents of the kids that your child picks as friends

And if you do go ahead, don’t spend time complaining about the people who didn’t come. Again, it’s telling the people listening to you that they’re not enough.

Same, can’t think of anything worse.

You’ll get to know the other parents naturally over the years, without all this forced organised stuff.

If at least a couple are coming, I'd go ahead. You never know, you might make really good friends and, if you do, it's worth it even if it's just one couple.

It’s an unusual thing to do to begin with tbh … socialising at the school gate is one thing, meeting up as a group at the weekend is something else. Bit weird imo. Kids fall out, make new friendship groups … I can see it ending in disaster down the line 🤷🏻‍♀️

Keep the event going even if it’s just one person coming. They may turn out to be a really good friend.

And you get to scale down what you need to cater.

Hope it’s fun!!

If you have definite attendees (even 1)I'd go ahead, with adjustments to suit. That 1 person might be fab.

Look at it this way, the ones still attending might be the ones who really want to make an effort and get to know people. You might end up with a nice circle of reliable friends.

I think this may well be right and you should go ahead with the smaller group who will still be attending. After all, you don’t want to be 'that' flakey personhood issues a lunch invite and then cancels at the last moment

Then don't accept (just don’t accept and then cancel)!