I don’t want my DD to be an Au Pair for a single dad

[Cyanbadmintonplayer]

Hi,
My DD is 19, we live in Germany but we are a British family. DD really wants to give a go at being an Au Pair for a couple of years while doing open uni.
Shes using an agency and has been matched with a single dad and his 7 year old daughter, from what I can gather no mother on the scene.

He wants DD to take his child to and from school everyday, and then to and from
clubs every evening bar 1 and Saturday.
No cleaning expectations, no need to drive (tube or taxi depending). She would need to make dinner for the child 4 days a week and a packed lunch for between activities on the Saturday. Occasional babysitting but this could come with an extra payment.
DD would get some time off over school holidays but would occasionally be asked to travel with them.
The pay would be £150 p/w, food and accommodation provided (large room with en-suite), travel card provided, phone bill paid for. DD would like to see if a gym membership would be possible on top of this but doesn’t want to be greedy.

It all sounds good I know but I hate the thought of her working for a single dad!
It seems a lot less safe and significantly riskier. I’m also worried that it might not be the safest area she’d be living in (London S/W).

AIBU thinking DD should wait it out for a different family and working for a single man is just too risky?

Risky how?

Just because he's a man?

Yabu

And is she not studying? That doesn't sound like an 'au pair' job

She’s an adult, what does she think?

Its not up to you

He’s probably just a stretched single parent who needs childcare but can’t afford a nanny. A bit unfair to discriminate just because he’s a man - there’s plenty of creepy men who are married and crack on to the au pair.

So he's a single Dad? He has a 7 year old child living with him that he (appears to) have full time custody of yet you're jumping to the conclusion he's a predator just because he's a man.

I despair at times

She could wait for a job with a 'conventional family' and end up working for a creep. The presence of a wife/partner guarantees nothing

My daughter au paired for two years and it was the absolute making of her. She went to US from U.K.

This set up sounds about right. Anywhere can be dodgy if out at night just allow for that.

Single Dad. So what? He is just a person!

What do you mean doesn’t sound like an au pair job?

She would be doing open uni in the school days when the child was at school.

and Yes I think a woman living alone with a middle aged man is riskier than if the mother was present.

I dunno, maybe do a video call with him and see. It would likely become clear after a good conversation with him if he is OK. I would ask about the mother and how often she sees the child, better a few prying questions ahead of time. Of course he could be dodgy but he could also be absolutely fine. I would research the actual area as well as that could be a risk, also how far is it into the centre, as presumably your DD will want to build up her social network. Another concern I would have is that if there is no mum on the scene your DD might end up taking on basically a full time nanny job, which would probably be lovely for the little girl but maybe not what your DD would be expecting to do.

Support her and her adult decisions.

Both do this when she moves in and periodically.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9DHREE5GPSQ

Because no married man has ever hit on or had a fling with an aupair 🙄

That seems low compared to what friends are paying au pairs in London (minimum £1000 a month)

I understand your concern but there’s risks in everything. Maybe what is more important is working out plans with your daughter if she finds herself in a situation that’s dangerous or even just uncomfortable. Can she go somewhere safe? Does she have contingency money to come home?

I would recommend this for any woman working in any situation, not just because it’s a single man. I know a young girl who lost her mum to cancer and her dad brought in an au pair and it was great for her and her dad.

It's just another man bashing thread

Op you sound ridiculous

I was an Au Pair it’s not just the married Dad’s you have to dodge! It’s the brothers, uncles and friends too. This was in the 80’s though in America!

I wouldn’t be over keen either

but then I went to work abroad at 17

i was constantly hit on by older men who saw me as vulnerable

he may be one of those really nice respectful guys but let’s face it they are not such a huge majority (and all married to woman on MN)

I wouldn't like it either OP. Of course it's different to there being a wife on the scene. I wouldn't move in with a random single man as a housemate

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Why is this kind of sexism okay

😂 the married ones are the WORST!

I think it sounds ideal for her to be fair, I think you're being extremely unreasonable.

Either way, it's not up to you

It's not

But this is mumsnet....a totally different universe

Mine is based on my lived experience as an Au Pair.

I would still do it plenty of men are decent too.

I also do the camera checking in hotel rooms and holiday accommodation as I’ve worked with some sexual predators (patients) in my time and they are never who you think they will be.

Because most of the point of being an au pair is developing your language skills and gaining a familiarity with another culture. Your daughter presumably is a native English speaker who is thoroughly familiar with British culture even if she lives in Germany, and you can study with the OU from anywhere in the world. Fair enough if she just wants a cheap London base, I suppose, but there doesn’t seem a lot of point to a British girl au pairing in London.

DD hasn’t lived in the UK since she was 2 years old, she wants the opportunity to live in London which is why she has been looking at at British families.

Has she watched ‘The Sound of Music’?