I don’t want my DD to be an Au Pair for a single dad

[Cyanbadmintonplayer]

Hi,
My DD is 19, we live in Germany but we are a British family. DD really wants to give a go at being an Au Pair for a couple of years while doing open uni.
Shes using an agency and has been matched with a single dad and his 7 year old daughter, from what I can gather no mother on the scene.

He wants DD to take his child to and from school everyday, and then to and from
clubs every evening bar 1 and Saturday.
No cleaning expectations, no need to drive (tube or taxi depending). She would need to make dinner for the child 4 days a week and a packed lunch for between activities on the Saturday. Occasional babysitting but this could come with an extra payment.
DD would get some time off over school holidays but would occasionally be asked to travel with them.
The pay would be £150 p/w, food and accommodation provided (large room with en-suite), travel card provided, phone bill paid for. DD would like to see if a gym membership would be possible on top of this but doesn’t want to be greedy.

It all sounds good I know but I hate the thought of her working for a single dad!
It seems a lot less safe and significantly riskier. I’m also worried that it might not be the safest area she’d be living in (London S/W).

AIBU thinking DD should wait it out for a different family and working for a single man is just too risky?

Am I missing something? Why is no one pointing out that the daughter is an adult and this has nothing to do with her mum?

Totally agree with this ^^

@Cyanbadmintonplayer if you want to share the area (not necessarily the street name but eg. Wimbledon / Balham / Streatham / Clapham etc or the first part of the postcode) then we might be able to provide some reassurance on the area.

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CoralReader · Today 20:40
Why is this kind of sexism okay.

This.
A man, so clearly dangerous and not to be trusted.

🙄

is she allowed in a country with man, where will it end

you are being ridiculous and yes you know it is none of your business and as you and a million other people on here you are acting controlling

I think it sounds fine and he's probably stressed about childcare so it would be helping him quite a bit. She can leave if he's creepy but he'll probably be grateful for the help so he can work.

I pay more for an after school nanny three days a week - I know that’s not including accommodation but £150 a week feels low.

A Married dad might just as likely try something on. I think you should trust her judgement. It's through an agency so if he's inappropriate he'll be reported and she can leave and she could potentially sue him or take to tribunal for breach of contract/ sexual harassment. She could even contact social services if he did something pervy, so he'd be very foolish to do such things.
Doesn't mean it's impossible but it's a calculated risk as an au pair.

Maybe have him reported to the police now in case he does something in the future

We had a German au pair stay with us. She had been desperately trying to find a new placement after she stayed with a single dad with one child and he got letchy. Of course this could happen in a 2 parent family, but come on, if it does go tits up, you’d feel a heck of lot safer with a woman around. This particular dad only had his daughter with him half the week, which was not what she was led to believe. A completely different dynamic.

She could make more as a live in nanny

I think it looks like a good opportunity that will work around her studies. Keep an open dialogue regularly with her.l and congratulate her on her sensible plans.
He sounds like he is a good dad with lots of clubs for DS etc. He will be working lots and ypir DD has a en-suite. I would of course do a SM check on him and pay DD a visit early on in her new Job (perhaps while she moves in) to make sure she is comfortable.
There are too many very unlikely risks in the world , ultimately can you stop her? Are you teaching her that all men are dangerous? He is to bump her off in presence of daughter. He may make a pass at her, but that can happen anywhere (including by lecturers on her course 🤣😂). Who knows, maybe he is would prefer a male au pair. Maybe he wants a female influence in his DD s life. Help your DD make sensible checks and support her all the way. She could take any manner of other poorly paid jobs and live in a shared house with lots of randoms in an awful area of London. She could au pair for a couple in a miserable marriage and be accosted on by the mum 👵 or dad. You sound like you have a stereotypical and overactive mind.

Ha ha, it’s a 7 year old not 7 children!

I believe the house sits on Clapham Common postcode starts SW4

My daughter who was 23 child
minded for a 40 y.o single dad. He was very well educated very specialized medical physician. Lovely home, one daughter who was 7, paid generously in cash. This was here and there childminding no set schedule. He eventually asked my daughter for a date. We (she and I) texted back …”.im not interested in a date but I am interested in still watching Monica”. Never heard from him again. Maybe he was embarrassed. She said he was a bit nerdy but he had such a specialized field I thought meh…that’s what all these brainy doctors are like.. So no harm done. Talk with her about possible scenarios stay in close contact and check in with her periodically. MY daughter has a post
college professional position and she still babysits because it cash it’s easy and it’s very high paying. And she mostly enjoys it. I would say as long as the pay is good have her do it and remind her you’re always there if she needs you. It can be a very good income stream and she can keep it going for a long time.

If he's in south west London and well off enough to employ an au pair, the area will be very naice.

Which is really very naice

Oh, it certainly is. Getting to live there for peanuts with a lot of spare time is a superb opportunity.

and Yes I think a woman living alone with a middle aged man is riskier than if the mother was present.

You must not get out much, because anyone with a shred of life experience knows this to be untrue. A man set on grooming a much, much younger woman wouldn't let a pesky thing like having a wife stop them.

Maybe get her an Apple Watch? It would calm my nerves for the first few weeks knowing she could send an instant alert if the father came home drunk and tried to get into her room or something?
The worst thing I remember about being that age was feeling the need to be constantly polite. I put up with some uncomfortable situations when I should have been telling blokes to sod off.

would you rather she au pair for a man or a bear?

If the house is on the common itself, then they are worth multimillions of pounds and will be very nice accommodation. Clapham is full of young people - early graduates, young professionals etc. She will have a great time. £150pw might not be enough if she gets into Clapham's brunch / nightlife culture though 😅

Bullshit on the hours. So 1 hour in the morning with zero involvement with getting the 7yo ready (which is not bloody likely). 6 days a week leaves 2 hours for collecting, taking her to and from clubs, and cooking dinner? Thats more than 18 hours a week.

do au pairs usually get expected to do 6 days a week anyway? I thought that was more than standard.

He must be absolutely minted to live in a 4-storey house right on Clapham Common.

If your DD doesn’t go, I’ll go!

I nannied for a single father and his 4 children (well two really as older ones were teenagers) when I was 22. I accompanied them on holiday for a month and had a great time (lovely kids, friendly (but not overly) dad, he was great to work for - I wouldn't write the job off just because he's a single father!

My daughter is just starting a nanny job and I worry in the background but she is 18 and sorting everything herself. She will discuss concerns with me but it's not my job to start getting involved. You have to let them be adults. I would say if a man is going to be a perv it's more likely to be a married man who has less to lose as his wife 'deals with all that'. A single dad can't afford to sabotage his childcare.