I don’t want my DD to be an Au Pair for a single dad

[Cyanbadmintonplayer]

Hi,
My DD is 19, we live in Germany but we are a British family. DD really wants to give a go at being an Au Pair for a couple of years while doing open uni.
Shes using an agency and has been matched with a single dad and his 7 year old daughter, from what I can gather no mother on the scene.

He wants DD to take his child to and from school everyday, and then to and from
clubs every evening bar 1 and Saturday.
No cleaning expectations, no need to drive (tube or taxi depending). She would need to make dinner for the child 4 days a week and a packed lunch for between activities on the Saturday. Occasional babysitting but this could come with an extra payment.
DD would get some time off over school holidays but would occasionally be asked to travel with them.
The pay would be £150 p/w, food and accommodation provided (large room with en-suite), travel card provided, phone bill paid for. DD would like to see if a gym membership would be possible on top of this but doesn’t want to be greedy.

It all sounds good I know but I hate the thought of her working for a single dad!
It seems a lot less safe and significantly riskier. I’m also worried that it might not be the safest area she’d be living in (London S/W).

AIBU thinking DD should wait it out for a different family and working for a single man is just too risky?

How many hours a day will she be working and is this 7 days a week? She's only earning just over £20 a day! He's taking advantage of her. Could she go to an English university instead of Open University?

It's 18 hours a week of work, £150, which is exactly min wage for an under 21 but on top she would get travel card (worth about £30/week), plus phone (worth say £5/week) and accommodation in Clapham. A room with en suite in Clapham in a shared house would be at least £1000 a month.

I think it's a decent deal for an unqualified 19 year old.

Thanks everyone, talking to DD this morning and have uncovered more information. The man is a widower. Saturdays are non-negotiable as he either works or plays golf, but the girl gets dropped off at 9 to an activity, then a 4 hour window where DD could do what she wanted, an hour between activities and another hour for the last one.
Apparently Wednesdays are effectively a day off as she just has to take the child to school then in the afternoon her grandparents do the school run and make dinner.
DD is adamant she will be fine and thinks it’s unfair of me to write him off as he is a single dad. We have family in Kent if things went very wrong.
I asked about the working Saturdays and she said she didn’t mind.

I still don’t like it but it’s DDs choice.

I don't understand what it is you dislike about it. Because he's male?

You’re welcome to not like it, but it’s your DD’s choice and I’m sure plenty of men are perfectly able to restrain themselves around young females. Sounds like a lovely area and I’m sure she will be fine. You’ve expressed your thoughts, time to step back and let your adult daughter make her own choice

Of course, exactly that, as he’s male

I wouldn’t like it either if there are alternatives. The dad might be perfectly nice but he might not. How can you tell?

Oh that level of money it wouldn't be considered an au pair role. They would be considered a nanny and should be paying NI and tax.

Sounds too good to be true - she definitely needs to find out if there’s a cleaner housekeeper as well otherwise the 18 hours or soon become close to 30.
could she take her OU credits and transfer to a IRL uni - It could become a very, very lonely life

The best thing you can do is equip her with the skills to deal with if he or any man she comes across is predatory and stay in regular contact. Also make sure you have the address.

DD tells me there is a cleaner who comes 3 days a week but also does laundry and changes beds so I guess that would be more of a housekeeper.

My concern is more with the morning, is dad really going to sort breakfast and do the little girls hair etc. What about school holidays dad has said the child sees family on some school holidays but what about the others?
If the Wednesday is just an hour of work that means every other day couldn’t be more than 3.5 hours which I’m not sure is right based on what he’s asking for.

He's a widower with a seven-year-old child. That's so young to lose your mum. So perhaps instead of assuming he's a predator, OP, think that he'll probably be more focused on the basics of just trying to put one foot in front of the other every day and trying to be everything to his child.

My concern is more with the morning, is dad really going to sort breakfast and do the little girls hair etc.

What sexist claptrap. Men can do hair and make food too!

I have a relative who died when her kids were 9 and 7, her husband has managed everything for their kids just fine, breakfast and hair included!

I think this is a great opportunity and as @Bluebellsanddaffodil said, just make sure she has a contingency if she's not comfortable. Great she's got contacts in Kent too.

And 100% ask for the gym membership!!

I’d be more concerned about how boring it sounds for her.

Yes , the same man wants to do hair and breakfast yet prefers golf to Saturdays with his own daughter

Op your sexism is overruling any rationale thinking. Not all men are creepy, men can do a child's hair, men can make food. You wouldn't be making any of these assumptions if it was a single woman so why on earth are you because it's a single man

Would you also bash a single, widowed mother for taking time out for herself once a week?

You have voiced your concerns, she heard you and will make a decision. I would not try to further discourage her or voice additional concerns or she might not feel comfortable talking to you (seeking guidance, complaining etc) due to being afraid to hear "I told you so / just quit" etc.

The set-up sounds good. One thing I would strongly urge her to consider are social contacts and activities.

Many of my friends who au-paired went to language schools and expat clubs/events. A few also took classes at local universities.
Does your DD have similar plans? Language classes may not be an option for her but she should look into university, volunteering etc. A social network and friends are necessary for a good au-pair experience (imo).

Maybe, just maybe, the dad takes annual leave from his job to cover the rest of the holidays like pretty much every other parent of a primary school aged child?

It seems like whatever reassurances you get, you'll seek to find another "problem".

More reasonable things to consider would be things like what does the dad envisage happening if the child is off sick from school etc.

If the dad is a predator, there's easier ways of finding victims than via a legit au pair agency

Oh come on. He's a widower. We don't know for how long, but as the child is only seven it must've been traumatic for them to lose his wife/her mummy when their DD is so young. Four hours off on a Saturday while his child does an activity at the same time is hardly him being an absent parent.

Sounds like the pay is very low for the reality of the job. Why is it live in? My concern would be that she becomes the default parent as she is living there. He’s working late? No problem, she can just stay in so there’s someone in the house….no actual work required so no pay? It could just be an hour or two per night, but it adds up.

Isn’t it the same as what every other au pair is doing?