3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

[Lockdownmama2021]

My 3yo is potty trained, he has very rarely had accidents with wee and has never ever done a no2 in pants. He started preschool in April, prior to this he was at home with me. And even when he’s watching his fav movie he will tell me when he needs the toilet. Today he told a teacher he needs to go they sent him to the toilets on his own. And when they went to check he was standing there and he had pooped in his pants - when the teacher realised and took his pants down he then did wee which he was clearly holding in. Now I’m so shocked. He has never done that and they were trying to play it down but when I asked why no one went with him they said they usually do but were busy and some of their older kids can go independently and since he knows what to do they thought he can. I mean I feel like the teacher was downplaying their negligence, to me he’s just started preschool he never goes toilet alone at home I always go with him and guide him. I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet. I don’t know if I’m being overprotective or babying him too much. But sending a new kid to the toilets on his own is not right imo. Aibu?

You’re babying him too much. If he was in a school nursery there would be 13 children to every adult. They can’t go with every child when they need the toilet, they wouldn’t be able to do anything other than stand in the toilet and children should be able to have their privacy.

If you want them to go the toilet with him you will have to request it because it isn’t standard practice.

He needs to learn to go on his own, the toilets at nursery will be all the right size and accessible for a 3 year old to use and if he has used them before with staff then it shouldn't take him long to get the hang of going on his own. When I helped in nursery most of them went on their own, with occasionally needing a little help or reminding to wash their hands. It's helping them to learn in a very child friendly environment as everything is setup for their size. I would always make sure I sent my children in wearing clothes that they could easily pull up and down themselves especially to start with.

Negligence is a bit strong isn't it? It's a shame it happened but you're being a bit OTT about it. Children occasionally have accidents 🤷

He started preschool in April you say so presumably he’s been going over a month with no or few accidents. So I think perfectly reasonable for nursery to expect he can do it by himself. He’s shown he perhaps still needs some support so I’d expect nursery to know be aware and be on top of it as I can’t imagine they want to clean up after a poo accident.

if he’s not himself since starting tho he could just be adjusting to the transition and processing all the changes or he could not be happy there but I’d say he needs more time to adjust than saying nursery are ‘negligent’

No pre school is going to accompany a child to the toilet unless they have some sort of additional needs.

children have accidents. It’s not some major drama!

Was he waiting for someone to arrive and help him because he thought someone would accompany him - only he couldn't wait, hence the accident? Sounds like a break down in communication to me. They should have been clear that he was able to go by himself and possibly to shout if he needed help whilst he was there.

I agree with the above

IMO, if just over 3, IMO, too young - change nursery or tell them to get their act together but it is not "negligence."

He's not toilet trained, he still needs help. If he's not independent at home, he absolutely won’t be in a new environment.

This is your miscommunication.

Not in UK so it’s different, but in my school, if a 3 yo had an accident this once or twice, we’d work gently with the child and keep the parents informed. More and we’d be working with the family and considering additional support for the child.
Children start school age 3 here (international British school) and for safeguarding reasons, staff do not get involved at all unless there is an urgent issue or additional needs, which always requires 2 adults and a follow up meeting and documentation with parents.

My DD started at school nursery just after she turned 3. She hadn't been in any child care setting prior to that but was still expected to go the the toilet by herself.
I think you are being unreasonable to expect staff to accompany each child to the toilet.

Poor lad, sounds as though he got taken by surprise with the poo then wasn’t sure what to do. I am sure they got him sorted out calmly and gently. Just make sure that he wears clothes that he can deal with easily and quickly, no stiff buttons or zips. summer is here (almost) and shorts are easy for small people to manage. Try encouraging more independence at home too, he shouldn’t need you really unless he needs a wipe after a poo, but even then he can call you to come and help, you don’t need to be hovering.

You're babying him. He should be able to go to the toilet by himself. If you haven't taught him how to do this, that's on you not the pre-school.

As for pooing in his pants..it happens. Nothing to get worked up about.

If you don't think he's happy there/don't like it then move him, but all pre-school setting will expect a potty trained three year old to be able to toilet (mostly) independently.

They can't go to the toilet with every child.
Unless you have advised he needs assistance?

If he can do it and you're just standing there, start letting him go on his own.

Agree with the above.

You don’t need to follow him to the toilet every time he goes at home.

Pre school can’t follow every child to the toilet and hover outside until they’re done.

Negligence?! Pab ha ha

Children don’t get accompanied to the toilet at nursery. How would that work with staffing numbers?

They are not being negligent, you are being unreasonable.

You are being utterly ridiculous 🙄

It happens. Let it go.

My DS2 was just over 2 when he started at the school toddler room (pre-nursery).

He went to the loo independently there. By the time they were in nursery aged 3 it was just expected unless other issues were communicated.

Kids have accidents. Hell I'm 33 and occasionally have to change my pants because I don't get there in time 🤷🏼‍♀️

Typical for pre-schoolers to go to the toilet on their own.

Also not a big deal that a child had an accident, the teachers will be used to helping when needed.

I'd just work on independence at home.

This is part of the learning process. He can reliably go with help, now he's getting the opportunity to go alone. You can't expect the same level of 1:1 care at a group facility as at home andit has it's benefits even if it takes a while to settle and learn the new independence skills.

Negligent would be if they left him in dirty underwear all day

It's a shock for a little one, but this is exactly why you send him to nursery. So he learns to be independent and your are not over-doing it and babying him - which is natural.

He just needs to practice a bit more.

YANBU to feel bad for him
YAB massively U to talk about "negligence" in that setting.

Put it another way, he's the right age to learn. Keep him home with you "guiding him" constantly and he would end up in primary school absolutely not ready and that's more of an issue.

That’s pretty normal so I think you need to let go a bit. My son went to 2 nursery/pre schools due to is moving and nowhere accompanied him to the toilet as they had low toilets accessible into the play areas, staff would just be around or popping in to remind to wash hands

you have to consider that at 3, they’re encouraging skills for school and most children start at 4 and schools don’t assist them to the toilet

Negligence? It's a wee, calm down. He's not the only 3 year old to have an accident for goodness sake. I mean get upset at staff abusing and injuring children by all means but he's hardly been put in mortal danger by not having a teacher present to pull his pants down for him. It's not a big deal. He won't be traumatised, it's ok.

All kids have the occasional accident. My mum was a childminder when I was in my teens and all the kids she looked after were completely used to going to the loo on their own, but that didn't mean that occasionally one would, y'know, mis-time it. I also think kids that age are sometimes more likely to have an accident at nursery/playgroup/school because they get engrossed in playing with other kids or listening to the teacher or whatever and end up waiting until they're absolutely desperate and not being able to hold it. Or they get to the loo and then realise they can't manage to undo a button or something.

It's reasonable that they thought he could manage independently if he's been to the loo there before and they've accompanied him but haven't had to help him.