3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

[Lockdownmama2021]

My 3yo is potty trained, he has very rarely had accidents with wee and has never ever done a no2 in pants. He started preschool in April, prior to this he was at home with me. And even when he’s watching his fav movie he will tell me when he needs the toilet. Today he told a teacher he needs to go they sent him to the toilets on his own. And when they went to check he was standing there and he had pooped in his pants - when the teacher realised and took his pants down he then did wee which he was clearly holding in. Now I’m so shocked. He has never done that and they were trying to play it down but when I asked why no one went with him they said they usually do but were busy and some of their older kids can go independently and since he knows what to do they thought he can. I mean I feel like the teacher was downplaying their negligence, to me he’s just started preschool he never goes toilet alone at home I always go with him and guide him. I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet. I don’t know if I’m being overprotective or babying him too much. But sending a new kid to the toilets on his own is not right imo. Aibu?

Unless it was his first day there, you’re being absolutely ridiculous. It is entirely reasonable for a preschool setting to expect the children to go to the toilets themselves if facilities are appropriate size for the child with taps etc in normal reach.

You say he’s been there since April - he’s done half a term of going by himself and had no issues.

They were not negligent, he had an accident. Don't be that parent.

He's not new, April is a long time ago at that age! Perfectly reasonable for nursery not too accompany him to the loo.

Accidents happen (and they can happen more often in a busy nursery room), the accident itself isn't a big deal.

They certainly weren't negligent.

Work on his independence at home - can he flush and wash his hands by himself?

It’s not negligent but if you always go to the toilet with him then I can see why he might have mistakenly thought that somebody was coming later.
It’s time to start practicing doing more practice at home if he’s not confident at doing most of it alone.

Has he started wiping his bum after a poo? Is he at school in September ?

And this is why teachers are leaving.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Why on earth can't he pull his own pants down?

Negligence? You're babying him. Especially by saying "go toilet".

Preschools encourage them to be independent as part of managing their own self care getting ready for school.

Once they go up to pre-school, it's completely normal and common for children to be set to the toilet unsupervised.

However, accidents do still happen, and they'll continue to happen in reception as well.
Even the children who are solid as a rock in terms of toilet training, still have accidents at pre-school and school. It's really not a big deal.

My three year old goes on his own at preschool I think its normal, not negligent

My DGS (aged 3) on taking him to toilet. To me still in room with him 'Go away'. To me waiting outside with door ajar 'close the door'. The first time this happened I found it hilarious. Now I know better than to think he needs my help unless he asks for it He is in school nursery and I think it is great that they learn to be independent.

Sorry but you're being silly about this. Of course they can't accompany every child to the loo every time. Let it go and move on. Please don't mention it to the nursery staff again.

He should be able to go to the toilet on his own, unless he has special needs.

Poor kid! I think you're getting some harsh replies here OP. No not negligence but it does sound like it wasn't made clear to him he should go on his own, and maybe they're struggling and short staffed. There's not much you can say though. It's worrying that you're getting a generally 'off' feeling about the preschool and he doesn't seem himself.

We had this when dd started pre school when she was not quite three. I’d always helped her on and off the toilet and with wiping. They don’t really at pre school. The toilets are the right size for them to go independently but you’re going to have to work with him at home on getting on and off the loo, pulling his pants down etc. The wiping is difficult I think at this age. I think it’s beyond them especially if they don’t have solid bowel motions. I spoke to our pre school about her coming home with dirty underwear and getting sore so they do check her wiping now and help her

Your son had an accident, it was no one's fault (actually more likely to be your son not listening to his body) but he is 3 and had an accident. That's all.

What is it that you think he needs help with exactly? Maybe you need to figure that out and work on it at home. Is he wearing clothes that are too hard to pull down? Presumably the toilets in pre school are small? At 3 years old and potty trained I would expect that he knows to pull his pants down and sit on the loo without someone telling him but if he doesn't then that is for you to solve.

This is exactly the reason no one wants to be a teacher anymore. Since time began kids of varied ages have shat their pants at school. Negligence? No. "I am sorry you had to sort that out" was a more appropriate way to address the teacher.

JFC he shit himself, calm down.

This is a parenting error rather than a teaching error.
You have failed to impart independence.

Very negligent of you.

Oh bless him! You do worry for them don’t you and I would be asking all the questions too about what happened.

I think as a one off thing I would let it go - I think you can get a general feel for a place and if you think they are treating them kindly. If you are feeling uneasy I would truely go with my gut and do what’s best for your little one and that might mean moving him.

He's your first child, isn't he 😁😁
A 3 year old can absolutely go to the toilet on their own. Stop being dramatic.

Bit too PFB there OP. Accidents happen and at preschool age you should really have already taught him how to go to the bathroom by himself.

Thank you. I'm glad you were brave enough to point that out!

Most children are not bladder and bowel trailed until age 4. Some replies here seem intentionally rude and goady or woefully misinformed.

@Lockdownmama2021 I'd remind staff to assist dc until fully independent.

It's really very common for a child who is toilet trained and reliable while they're at home in a familiar environment, to have the occasional accident when they're in a busy nursery setting - it's exciting, it's noisy, it's fun and ohhh I just can't stop playing to be bothered with the toilet!
I've worked in a Preschool setting, adults/teachers are always on hand to help if a child shouts up, and to offer reminders, but no, they are not expected to escort and supervise them while they're there.