3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

[Lockdownmama2021]

My 3yo is potty trained, he has very rarely had accidents with wee and has never ever done a no2 in pants. He started preschool in April, prior to this he was at home with me. And even when he’s watching his fav movie he will tell me when he needs the toilet. Today he told a teacher he needs to go they sent him to the toilets on his own. And when they went to check he was standing there and he had pooped in his pants - when the teacher realised and took his pants down he then did wee which he was clearly holding in. Now I’m so shocked. He has never done that and they were trying to play it down but when I asked why no one went with him they said they usually do but were busy and some of their older kids can go independently and since he knows what to do they thought he can. I mean I feel like the teacher was downplaying their negligence, to me he’s just started preschool he never goes toilet alone at home I always go with him and guide him. I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet. I don’t know if I’m being overprotective or babying him too much. But sending a new kid to the toilets on his own is not right imo. Aibu?

Did you mean to type most children ARE toilet trained by age 4? Because that would be far more accurate

I take my daughter but she doesn't need me to, she can take herself and she is 3y3m

I don't understand why he couldn't pull his trousers down and sit on the toilet?

I’m surprised at the answers here. I’ve never known a 3 year old be able to properly wipe after a poo. Our nursery was still wiping them at that age but definitely encouraging them to have a go. I don’t think it’s negligence though. Perhaps miscommunication. He may have said he needed a wee, in which case he’d be fine to go alone but I’m sure someone would go with him if he’d said poo. Just let them know he can’t wipe properly by himself so would need assistance for a poo

If your child is potty trained then they should be going into pre-school in trousers and pants they can easily pull down for this reason. I’d expect a nursery worker to check on them once they made a start in the toilet themselves (which they did). I don’t really see the issue.

Negligent because the teacher did not drop everything and take your son to the toilet?

Are you always this dramatic and precious ?

lol @ negligence.

im an Early Years teacher. Honestly, unless you had made it clear he was in the middle of toilet training and needed supervision every time, I wouldn't even think of going to the toilet every time a 3 year old asked. Impossible too with ratios of 1:10 children where I work, we leave them to it unless we know they need help.

Is this your first child by any chance OP?

Yes a nursery! School teachers, even early years teachers are not working in a nursery and unless the child has recognised needs they do not help with arse wiping!

Have you taught him how to undress his lower half and wipe himself until he is clean? He should be independent at this stage, especially with child-sized facilities.

Well DS was at 2 years 3 months, so I would be surprised if 'most' aren't at 4, when they will be starting school!

Pull down trousers and pants. Sit on toilet. Poo. Get small wad of paper. Wipe from front to back. Look at paper. Is it dirty? Drop in toilet and repeat until paper is clean. Get off toilet. Pull up pants and trousers. Flush toilet. Wash hands with soap. Dry hands. Sorted.

If he can't take himself (unless in the case of a physical disability) then he's not fully toilet trained. You should have told them if he still needed to be accompanied. I'd assume a three year old said to be toilet trained could take themselves, maybe call out for help to wipe for a poo.

I work in a pre-school, we absolutely do not have enough staff to take every child to the toilet. It is very frustrating as a practitioner when parents tell us children are fully potty trained but they can’t pull their own trousers up and down and must literally be sat on the toilet. It takes up so much of our time and then parents get cross when the child has accidents?!

Did he have new trousers on that he didn't know how to take down, or a shirt or top was in the way and he couldn't 'find' the waistband of the trousers to pull them down because of that?

Practice at home with all his school clothes so you know he can get them on and off and he should be ok at home with you outside and get his confidence back.

Don't help if you don't have to so he can get more practice.

Oh wow! Maybe this kind of drama from parents at every little thing is why they are all leaving!!

I think if he’s regressing that’s a huge red flag for asd. But at 3 you can and should expect a NT potty trained child to go to the loo themselves even if they can’t wipe themselves.

Trust your own feelings and take him out OP. People pointscore all the time on MN they'll say you're babying him (& if you are, so what? He's 3 not 13), as well as acting like you have to appease, not say a word, school/nursery is always right. It sounds really upsetting both for him, and you.

I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet

This would be enough for me to get gone. I didn't send either of mine to nursery and judging by some of the unkind replies on here especially from the 'too busy's', thank God I didn't

Put your child first, and trust your own judgment. You know him better than anybody.

I was thinking this!?

I mean I would send my 2 year old to the toilet if I’m busy and tell her I’ll be with her in a minute. I don’t think it’s negligence to presume he is able to do it himself at 3

You honestly think pre school teachers accompany every 3 year old to the toilet? Are you serious?

The general assumption would be that children at preschool / school nursery can toilet independently. Some children do still require assistance at that age, for a variety of reasons, but if that's the case you need to make them aware and agree a care plan.

School Nurseries do have teachers. I was one for many years.

If he’s in preschool now, he’ll be expected to take himself off to the loo. Practice him going alone at home, we started with me sitting outside the toilet and mine quickly gained the independence and only ever want to go solo!
Wiping after a poo is the tricky one but again another skill for you to teach him as there just aren’t the ratios for staff to be taking every kid to the toilet all day. Defo not negligence at all, just a bit of miscommunication I think, just help your little boy with his confidence and skill to go alone.

Started the no win- no fee paperwork already have you? 🙄