3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

[Lockdownmama2021]

My 3yo is potty trained, he has very rarely had accidents with wee and has never ever done a no2 in pants. He started preschool in April, prior to this he was at home with me. And even when he’s watching his fav movie he will tell me when he needs the toilet. Today he told a teacher he needs to go they sent him to the toilets on his own. And when they went to check he was standing there and he had pooped in his pants - when the teacher realised and took his pants down he then did wee which he was clearly holding in. Now I’m so shocked. He has never done that and they were trying to play it down but when I asked why no one went with him they said they usually do but were busy and some of their older kids can go independently and since he knows what to do they thought he can. I mean I feel like the teacher was downplaying their negligence, to me he’s just started preschool he never goes toilet alone at home I always go with him and guide him. I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet. I don’t know if I’m being overprotective or babying him too much. But sending a new kid to the toilets on his own is not right imo. Aibu?

I work in a preschool. Our ratio is 11:1, so 22 children to 2 staff in one room. If I had to escort children to the toilet one by one that leaves my colleague alone with 20 or so children for about 35 or 40 minutes. Your child would be one of those poorly supervised children. Would you be OK with this? Surely you would rather your child be adequately supervised?

All children go to the toilet alone. Many ask us to go in but we say no, you can go yourself because you are clever / big enough etc, but we try to have someone on standby so we can hear them so they aren't anxious, and we take note of who has gone and pop our head in if it's been longer than expected. But if during that time other needs are higher, a child spills something or needs a plaster or whatever then priority changes and a child is not checked on. That happened just today, a child who struggles with pulling down her trousers had them pulled down with my supervision (again, not helping physically just encouraging so she learns) I turned away to help another kid but she then peed into them. The time I spent changing her was time when other children were now unsupervised. Try to think of the dynamics in a pre school room and understand the best thing for your child is to toilet independently and confidently. Not just for practical reasons but for his self esteem too.

I can hardly believe you are writing this. I'm working in a nursery at the moment as a supply teacher and our ratio is 1:13. We have 36 children. Ten in nappies. None of them are accompanied to the toilet unless we are toilet training them. When an adult does need to go to the toilets, then two adults have to go because of safeguarding leaving one adult with thirty something children. Do you look after thirty something children on your own?

They go to the toilet whenever they want. If a child tells me they are going to the toilet I'll say something like 'good job, remember to wash your hands' because I will be doing something else at the time.

They are trying to increase his independence, that is wat Tey are supposed to do, not "negligence".He is not a baby

they were trying to play it down
Did you want them to make a big deal out of it?

I can't understand how you can think that every child can be accompanied to the toilet. Unless you have ten other three year old children at home you have not mentioned.

He isn't a new starter if he has been there since April and it's only happened once. He was probably just playing and then it was too late. It happens all of the time.

If you are uncomfortable with him being in a nursery then there is no need to send him. Just wait until he is school age.

I often think parents would be astonished if they saw the things that their children were capable of in EYFS.

My two are 3 and at a nursery school so have to toilet independently, they aren’t able to attend the setting otherwise. I think you’re making a big deal over nothing.

Negligence?! Wow🙈

@Italianita

It really, really isn't.

*The nursery said that they usually do take him but this time they were too busy.

So yes, it was negligent.*

Bollocks.

Don't be soft

He's been there a month or two, they've been supervising him on the toilet and believed he was at the point he could try going by himself, so when they were too busy to go with him, they got him to give it a go.

Maybe you should start getting him to go independently at home, and give you a shout if he needs help with anything?

The toilets are in our pre school so children are encouraged to go themselves it builds independence!!! If they need help they will ask or if only recently trained we will ask if tgey need help. If they have been in there a couple of minutes we will check on them.

You're over thinking this. Now he's had an accident they will remember he is one of the children who needs some more support. It wasn't unreasonable to assume he could go on his own. Focus your attention on encouraging your child to be more independent rather than blaming the nursery for sending a child who appeared to be competent and independent to the toilet.

It was just an accident, soon fixed with a wipe down and fresh clothes.
I was very much "don't worry it happens to everyone" to mine when they had accidents at their age. Its part of the path to independence

Huh?! I don't think you understand the meaning of the word negligent

I guess his teachers will still have to take him when he's 15 then....

Why you need to go to the toilet with him every time if he is toilet trained at home. Yabu re your comments re the nursery as if toilet trained they do go on their own.

It’s not negligence. They will have multiple children to look after, it’s unfortunate that he needed the toilet whilst the staff were all busy dealing with other children but presumably they weren’t in a position to drop everything and run to help him.

I have a 3.5 year old, he goes to the toilet on his own at nursery and at home. They will help with bum wiping at nursery when he asks for help and at home the only time we go with him to the toilet is if he tells us he’s going to poop, we’re just working on teaching him to wipe himself. My son has had occasional accidents at nursery since he’s been potty trained, it happens, the staff are not at all negligent. You need to start working on him going to the toilet alone, they’re not going to take him and hold his hand at pre-school and they certainly won’t do it once he starts school.

Wow I'm a childminder and by 3 the children I care for are usually pretty independent with toileting. I don't blame the nursery for presuming he would be trained (esp since you've described him here as trained so I'm sure you would have said similar to nursery). I'm sure they'll keep a closer eye now but defo wouldn't describe them as negligent.

Did he have trousers he couldn’t manage by himself today?

Yes, this! Imagine if you had twins or a baby or several older children - it just wouldn't be possible. My child is just turned 3 so I'm not forgetting what it's like at that age; she goes to the loo by herself and has done since before age 2.5. Are you returning to the thread at all OP?

Did you express this needs to happen ans for how long? Have you told them what happens at home?
Accidents happen also not a big deal. I remember having the odd one here and there even at age 5/6.

In regards to the environment not being the right place for him that could be very true. Is he quiet talkative. Are you able to talk to him to see what is happening.

Negligence because up until now they have gone in with him and that is the standard practice at their nursery. He does need to be guided as at home one of us is always around him when he goes to the toilet especially for poop as he cannot wipe properly yet, when he goes to nursery by sept he will be trained. Since they have gone in with him and every child, I found it very upsetting that when he is telling them that he needs to go and is standing there and calling them to help - perhaps his buttons were stiff and he found it difficult to pull down. That they left him there long enough for him to poop - which he never ever does, and that is not done in 30 seconds it takes him a good few pushes tbh. He is traumatised by it and even had a big moment at home because of it and said he wanted me to come and clean him there.