3yo sent toilet on his own in preschool and he had an accident

[Lockdownmama2021]

My 3yo is potty trained, he has very rarely had accidents with wee and has never ever done a no2 in pants. He started preschool in April, prior to this he was at home with me. And even when he’s watching his fav movie he will tell me when he needs the toilet. Today he told a teacher he needs to go they sent him to the toilets on his own. And when they went to check he was standing there and he had pooped in his pants - when the teacher realised and took his pants down he then did wee which he was clearly holding in. Now I’m so shocked. He has never done that and they were trying to play it down but when I asked why no one went with him they said they usually do but were busy and some of their older kids can go independently and since he knows what to do they thought he can. I mean I feel like the teacher was downplaying their negligence, to me he’s just started preschool he never goes toilet alone at home I always go with him and guide him. I’m just getting a really uneasy feeling about his preschool as well I feel like my boy is very intimidated there and not his happy confident self and since going he’s become timid and quiet. I don’t know if I’m being overprotective or babying him too much. But sending a new kid to the toilets on his own is not right imo. Aibu?

Maybe he had been demonstrating how confident he was at going to the toilet and they didn’t think he needed help, Maybe the staff were dealing with a more important matter, maybe another child needed changed out of wet clothes, maybe staff were busy dealing with a child who had hurt themselves or a child who was upset.

as an early years worker we only have one pair of hands, we can’t be everywhere!

I'm quite surprised by the comments because my children have been in 2 different nurseries whilst potty training and they are also supported. There's always staff guiding them and my youngest has just turned 4 and been through all this. They would even take books and be with her on the loo to help her poop and feel comfortable there.
I think if it's a new environment it's reasonable for a newly toilet trained kid to be accompanied for the first while. Now my little one just goes without asking and she's timid and a real scaredy cat. When I do pick up if another kid says they my need they say ok let's go and they go together. Otherwise I know they have specific toilet break time where they go in groups accompanied by staff whether they need or not.

She should remove him from the nursery then,

She's negligent herself if she doesn't.

The very first words of the op are that he is potty trained.

And he's been there since April.

He’s 3, many kids are not trained or still training at that age. So an accident is normal and should be regarded as such. Maybe this allows nursery/pre school to see that they need to accompany or monitor a bit more closely

And what I say isn’t in any disagreement with that 🤷‍♀️ Please save criticism for those not being nice

This is what I mean. It’s the way they convey it to me, and he then told me their reaction: ‘omg you have pooed!!!’ And he said he was sad and wanted me to come and clean him. That gives me the impression that they didn’t comfort him about it and instead he was shamed - he kept touching his bum all evening and saying omg mama poo?
I understand this happens and can happen to anyone. But they should respond sensitively right? Even the way I was told it was like he did it on purpose. No accountability or even a - we usually go but today we couldn’t and he had a little accident - no guidance on how I should approach him about it, he was clearly upset and distressed today. It’s a private preschool anyway so they’re not understaffed or anything like that it’s 1 teacher to 5 kids.

I have a gut feeling that there is no gentle way this was handled unfortunately. He has come home traumatised and distressed. I was informed in a very unprofessional way as well

I agree, he was waiting for them as they usually accompany all kids, he usually only goes the times they actually take the kids in (prior to snack time) so he most likely was waiting for a teacher to accompany him like they usually do.

I don’t like the sound of them at all OP, I would be tempted to withdraw him from that preschool.

It is not a miscommunication they know exactly what he needs help with. He has someone there and has had someone there the whole time he’s been there. That’s what they have got them used to. He was expecting someone to turn up and prompt him and he clearly was waiting too long poor thing

Red herring about the accident. You don't feel comfortable with him being there. He hasn't been himself. Gut feeling.
Move him.

There is gut feeling because there is an issue and there is gut feeling because a person is neurotic and the child will be kept on being moved as the OP has issues

Ah @SpringerFall because that's more likely than his mum knowing something is making her kid unhappy and because nurseries are homes away from home? Come off it.

Some of the messages here are ridiculous and very judgemental.
my boy is 3. Not even 3.5 yet. He has just started preschool middle of April. He was there 4.5 weeks before half term and then just this week, after half term. He is toilet trained he can tell an adult he needs to go toilet. He goes to a private preschool 1 teacher per 5 kids. So not understaffed and overworked. He only goes 3 hours in the morning. He usually only goes toilet when they take him before snack time. Today he needed to go, they sent him alone - he isn’t used to it, they don’t usually do it, their standard practice is to go with the child until the child is fully confident and acclimated. My boy barely talks there apparently. At home he’s a chatterbox. So he was clearly waiting for them to come with him. Now he was calling for them and then when they eventually turned up he had already pooped. I know him, he doesn’t poo that quick.
i happened to call the nursery at that point as I wanted to inform them of something else and they just said ‘oh this just happened btw but I don’t know how I wasn’t there.’ When I went to collect him his key worker was discussing it in front of him - he got embarrassed and tried to run away. And then she said ‘he decided to wee on the floor when the toilet was right there’ no compassion just shaming and embarrassing him. I had to say ‘well he had pooped and clearly couldn’t hold wee in any longer he didn’t decide to do it, it was an accident’ when I asked how he was she was like ‘oh he didn’t cry’ my boy doesn’t cry but he was visibly upset and clearly distressed that’s all he’s been talking about since he’s come home. so I don’t know I don’t personally feel like ott but seeing all these comments trying to shame me has made me even more certain tbh that I am not unreasonable. People should only work in professions like that if they care and want to nurture and help develop kids. If you don’t want to work with the parents who are invested in their kids then don’t work in that field.

yes need to work on it at home, he doesn’t like going toilet alone - don’t know why he always asks us to accompany him esp for a number 2. He wants us to sit and have a chat whilst he does it. Maybe that’s why he is used to the prompts - take your bottoms off now pants now flush etc. with poo we always wipe it because his hands can’t even reach his bum properly yet. Or maybe I haven’t checked on how to get him to do it easily. Haven’t decided fully come sept, I wanted to keep him at this preschool but now I’m thinking of changing it as I’m just not feeling like he’s managed to really connect with any of the teachers there where he can chat away and be his true self

I really don’t understand these posts where someone comes on and asks if they’re being unreasonable about something and 81% of responses say they’re being unreasonable so the OP then comes back even more certain that they’re not being unreasonable. What was the point in asking in the first place if you’re going to ignore 81% of the people who responded? 🙄

All he’s been able to say is that he did wee on the floor and poop in the pants all on his bum. He then said he was sad and wanted mama to come clean him up. He then told us the reaction of his key worker: ‘omg you pooed in your pants’ ‘gasp’ he reenacted the whole thing 😂 bless him. But that’s his way of telling us. He didn’t say that he was sent alone etc. they told me that themselves.

i also really want to homeschool for this reason BUT I had a blast in school and wanted my boy to socialise etc and wanted him yo thrive in a setting with other kids since I don’t really have a big circle where I can get him to mingle with other kids unfortunately. Prior to this he’s just been at home. We go to play hubs etc but I really just wanted him to make friends - turns out he’s super quiet and timid at nursery when at home he runs the show. :(

It's also the reason that children are less able to manage their lives with a degree of independence, they are babied more and more at home.

We definitely need a Bollocks button, save so much time!

Time to help him become more independent OP

I doubt he says OMG however.

If he needs help then he shouldn't be in pre-school, their staffing doesn't allow for doing what a parent has failed to do.

He doesn’t say omg himself he was repeating what was said to him to tell us - miss said ‘omg … ‘

ffs