AIBU to give up trying to get toddler in a pram?

[AnnaCBi]

My toddler is intensely wilful and extremely strong. She’s not yet 2, but I physically cannot get her in the pram when she doesn’t want to. I have hired a sleep/ behaviour consultant (originally was for sleep, But her behaviour has got really tricky recently) who simply can’t understand how I cannot get her in. She will be coming to see, but for now she says ‘I’ve never not been able to get a child in a pram in 40 years’. Even with my husband helping we cannot do it. Am I unreasonable for thinking this to be impossible and give up? I try so hard. It is also entirely on her whim as to whether I can change her nappy, it’s so so tricky! When she runs away I cannot pin her down to do it. So should I give up? Am I unreasonable to think I need to just find other ways to leave the house?

With my nearly two year old it's about giving him a reason to go in the pram/push chair. So "let's get in the pram and go to the swings/library/have a snack". As long as he gets what he's promised he is then happy. If he point blank refuses then I can get him in so I think he does know that he's going in one way or the other anyway.

How about a car seat? Or holding hands or reigns in busy places?

I pin them down with my knee and strap them in tight. Then offer a snack or something as a reward. Works every time for us as and when they have put up a fight. Just to add this is done gently and with a buggy that's easy to strap in - we have the bugaboo butterfly.

Are you telling her where you are going so she's excited ? Does she need to be In her pram every time my eldest hated the buggy before she was 2 I switched to a stroller and she reluctantly went in but most of the time she pushed the bloody thing.

I think the fact everything seems to be on your child's terms is the bigger issue here. She won't let you change her nappy and she won't let you put her in a pushchair. Does she also not let you brush her teeth, hold her hand to cross the road, put her in a car seat? She's not even 2 yet she shouldn't be the one in charge.

I’m also struggling to see how you can’t force her into the pram. What pram do you have? If you don’t want to do it by brute force then that’s your choice, but that’s totally different to can’t. You just pick them up, fold at the middle if they plank and hold them in place with your arm or knee and do the straps. Then as PP says, distraction snack and crack on with the day. I know it doesn’t seem nice to do it that way but sometimes needs must, like if you have an older one that needs collecting from school you can’t just not go, and I also find it doesn’t take long for them to realise you mean business and that they get their snack quicker, for cooperating.

You have a few options.

Nappies - do standing changes (easier for wet than dirty!)

Change her on floor, you put the leg closest to her head over her tummy kind of like a seatbelt - doesn't squash them but keeps them still.

Pram - either gently use your knee, again without squashing but just to get her to bend and sit.

Or you say 'ok fine, you walk and we'll take the pram, tell me when you're tired'. Use reins if you need to. Usually they're in the pram by the time you get to the first corner.

People saying she shouldn't be in charge have maybe not had such a determined child! Dd was and is like this, she's 7 now. You need iron will for basic things that have to happen like going to school, going to bed etc. then epic patience for everything else.

If you try to get in a battle of wills you usually lose, as you're the one with a time constraint. Now I back off for a minute if dd digs her heels in, then change the mood a minute later and she's usually compliant.

You might find one of those push along scooters works better than a pram.

Yes this is the case. She’s ok getting in the car seat usually, but the teeth / hand etc is an issue. She sometimes goes with it and sometimes not. I know she shouldn’t be in charge, I just don’t know how to make her do what I want!

Aah I remember that stage, mine used to arch her back so she couldn't be placed in. I used to hold something like a rice cracker between my teeth and as she reached for it strapped her in.

As for nappy changes, buy some pull ups and learn to change it with her standing up leaning on your shoulder. You rip the sides to clean her up and then she can just step into the new one.

Reins for out and about if she runs, mine preferred a Little Life bag that had a strap and handle tucked into the top pocket instead of full on reins.

I also have head strong daughter who refused to sit in the pram pretty much from when she could walk.
I never forced it to be honest I had too many other battles to pick that we just walked and did a lot of praise for holding hands. I also got a ring sling for big outings like the zoo so I couple pop her my hip and not break my back carrying her. It was handy enough could just pop her up and down when she was ready to walk again.
I did have visions that she would be worn in a sling getting walked down the aisle by her dad but like everything it was a phase. She's nearly 4 now, walks everywhere and occasionally goes up on dad's shoulders if needed.

Now I drive so completely different if you need her to get in pram to go to appointments etc but just wanted to share that it won't last forever and sometimes it's easier to take the path of least resistance

Ok so she won’t go in the pram - then she walks, holding hands or reins/bike/scooter and no complaining or asking to be carried if tired.

won’t have a nappy change? Fine, use pull ups and get her involved. She can learn to wipe herself, pull the new nappy on.

how does she act at nursery?

My DD won't get into her buggy, I've given up trying and use a trike now, she gets fed up of that fairly quicky but I can at least get to the shop with her in the trike, most often she wants to walk on the way back. Yes, it takes us ages to get anywhere!

Yes I do wonder if other children are as determined as mine. When she refused to get in the pram at the end of nursery she was gagging she was so upset, I did eventually get her in, because we had to leave and it was raining, but I was so embarrassed.

I do try to let her walk and she’s ok with reigns. The issue was a week or so ago with my husband that she refused to walk back, she just sat down on the pavement and screamed. My husband ended up carrying her after we tried and failed to say ‘well fine get in the buggy’.

I bought a mini scooter, but I can’t seem to steer it from the back (she’s too young to scoot herself!) I also bought a Donna trike as well and that was fine when she’s keen but when she’s not it’s worse than a pram as it doesn’t have a basket.

I know I’m too soft, but usually I’m quite good at consistent behaviour management (at work) I just can’t handle the whims of a toddler.

Glad it’s not just me!

I’ve got a trike (and a push along scooter ..) I found the trike was hard if she decided not to comply as I didn’t have anywhere to put my shopping! But maybe I’ll try it again, it can’t be worse than the buggy situ.

I found at this age a push along trike was more appealing to toddlers.

Presumably you need her in the buggy? If so, bribery....

Give her a chocolate button if she sits in it.

Will only take a few goes

I have a uppababy and a yoyo. I can’t manage with either, I do use brute force, to the point where I’m worried about what others think at nursery. I haven’t used my knee, but im not even sure how! My husband and I can just about get her in with one holding her down and the other strapping. We aren’t small people or particularly weak!

Could you switch to a stroller style pram - they're usually lower and DD could climb in rather than being put in which helped. Or scooter is a good option - you can get sit on ones which she might be amenable to?

And switch to nappy pants - makes stand up changing easier. I totally sympathise with this as DD refused to lie down for nappy changes after she learnt to walk.

Toothbrushing - non-negotiable but we used to watch the hey duggy toothbrushing song. And also let DD 'brush' her teeth herself (and then we'd do a proper brush after). Made her feel in control which seemed to help!

You have to make it her idea, how near 2 is she and does she understand you what's her speech like? If you go about your morning but take her with you to brush your teeth and wash your face etc then ignore her don't engage unless she wants to brush her own teeth then just walk out the bathroom if she doesn't and then repeat its probably better doing it at the weekend evening when you are not rushing .

What have you actually tried with her?

I had a determined toddler trust me I've been there but some things are non negotiable and they simply don't get a choice. There's plenty of other ways they can feel like their opinion is valid and heard but teeth brushingbeing safe etc don't fall into that category.

Have you tried picking a 'buggy toy'?

Something special at the shop (or even pick online together from a wish list of items you think are small and buggy suitable) picked by her that lives in the buggy but can only be in her hands after the straps go on? To try to make buggy have something about it that is remotely exciting? I'd give mine a box which he'd open himself (a challenge he enjoyed!) and it would have a few snacks in it, a fidget toy, and a mini disco light thing. He had a slight obsession with the disco light which helped (until he started trying to put himself in the buggy all the time for the disco light)

Issue is when she get/ tired she want carrying. I can’t, physically, so I’m left wrestling with her! Or waiting for her to change her mind.

nappy change I’ve moved to the bathroom floor, but sometimes, not often, she stands up saying ‘potty’ I realise she’s keen to use the potty but when she’s covered in poo she needs wiping!

at nursery they find her a bit tricky, I get a lot of feedback that she basically wants things her way. They manage with changing and buggy though.

When mine were young we had 2 toothbrushes 1 for them then mine to go over,

So you can't physically restrain her between yourself and your husband, and she's not yet 2.

You need to eat more spinach! She's a baby, unless there's a huge drip feed and you are in some way disabled you should be much stronger than her and able to physically manoeuvre her if you need to.

Next time, before trying to get her in extend the straps as long as they go so they have more reach. Put her in the buggy bribing with a chocolate button/ rice cake whatever works. As soon as you are lifting her into the seat put your foot on the footrest so your knee acts like one of those seat lumps on a rollercoaster so she can't slide down. Get the straps on and tightened up.

I am not saying your DD is, but my DD hated getting in the pram at around that age, and having her nappy changed, she was otherwise a very bright and happy child who never, ever tantrummed about anything. At 13 she was diagnosed with autism and I often wonder if that hatred towards the buggy was actually her discomfort at transitions and changing activity. Either way it was a phase, a long one it lasted about 9 months but then she was walking more and actually asking to get in the pram.