AIBU to give up trying to get toddler in a pram?

[AnnaCBi]

My toddler is intensely wilful and extremely strong. She’s not yet 2, but I physically cannot get her in the pram when she doesn’t want to. I have hired a sleep/ behaviour consultant (originally was for sleep, But her behaviour has got really tricky recently) who simply can’t understand how I cannot get her in. She will be coming to see, but for now she says ‘I’ve never not been able to get a child in a pram in 40 years’. Even with my husband helping we cannot do it. Am I unreasonable for thinking this to be impossible and give up? I try so hard. It is also entirely on her whim as to whether I can change her nappy, it’s so so tricky! When she runs away I cannot pin her down to do it. So should I give up? Am I unreasonable to think I need to just find other ways to leave the house?

Using your knee means you push with that on their tummy, leaving your hands to do the straps.

I had this problem and bribed with dry cereal in a tupperware box.

Then I gave up and got a scooter

But what does this actually look like in terms of pushchair? Physically pinning them in?

You see, I remember posting on here when dd was 3 and refused to leave the house. Got the same 'you're the grown up, you're the boss' stuff.

Ok great but it doesn't solve the problem to say that. We all find our way as parents, op is parenting but she has a child who is determined to enforce her own will. She's asking for help, not tsky comments saying 'you shouldn't be in that situation'.

Especially when you're pregnant, this stuff isn't always that easy.

I used to tickle mine to get them in then pushchair

She doesn't get to do anything else until she does as you ask....all the toys go away. Tv off and you sit silently ignoring her until she does as you want.
If she is doing things that are dangerous you remove her to somewhere safe.

Thanks, I know I need to hear it, I just feel like I am quite tough, I’m used to difficult children all day, but with my own I just hate to hear her cry, she’s extremely stubborn and can wait me out. I need to be a waiting queen!

Thanks this is a good strategy.

Ok thank you. Its hard to know what is acceptable and what isnt

This works sometimes. This would work with my second child (he prob wouldn't have insisted that long really).

Firstborn would have scratched, bitten, pinched, thrown herself on the floor, thrashed around. And she wouldn't have stopped. She could go for hours. And I couldn't even do it when pregnant. Plus I wasn't sure what it was teaching her really.

The truth is that kids can be complicated and what works for one doesn't work for another. Over time I've worked it out. Mainly by knowing what sets her off and managing it.

I think by 'pussyfooting' you mean 'responsive parenting' and it's not a bad thing. You alter your approach based on the child.

No, you have a fairly typical toddler/2yr old.
Mine also refused the car seat after nursery....well we don't go home until you are fastened in....but you can have your story tapes and a snack once you are fastened it.
No they don't comply straight away every time...you need to get used to the idea that it will take longer to get ready and go places. And you get better at heading off the tantrums....you do pick your battles, but no matter what....

You don't let them think they are in charge!

I'd like to say its a phase.....but it's not, you just get better at managing it, and then they become equally stubborn teenagers and you have to learn all new ways to manage it.

So what does she do and how do you respond?

Twisting screaming and gagging isn't going to hurt her she's learned you will stop and let her be just hold her until she gives in make it boring to fight and reward when it's done.....your husband isn't pregnant.....and a 5 year old who's always got away with things is stronger.

I’m watching this with thread in case someone addresses what happens when you can wrestle them in and then they just scream blue murder. It’s safer but it’s fucking mortifying when everyone is staring. Snacks don’t work, toys don’t work. Reasoning does not work. It’s just awful I so want him to go in and it’s ruining the amount of little jaunts we can go on walking as he simply will not go in the fucking thing without screaming!

She’s only getting that upset about it because it’s what it takes for her to get her own way. She won’t need to gag or anything if you are quicker, firmer and consistent. With the Uppababy, lean it completely flat to get her in, it’s a lot harder for them to wriggle out of the way. Make sure the straps are left a bit loose, they can be tightened once the harness has been clipped up. But don’t negotiate with this, she is FAR too young to be going out without a pram.

No you aren't.

She will stop first.
It used to take 3 of us to do eye drops at first.
One to pin her down, one to hold her head still and the third would open her eye with one hand and apply the drops with another...but as we got quicker at it she realised it was much better to just let it happen as it was going to happen anyway.

You can hold them and wait, firm Do not not me it hurts. We are waiting for you to sit down then wait. And wait.

Perfectly normal
Most parents have been there and no one is judging you.

Let her walk but take pram in case she gets too tired.