AIBU to give up trying to get toddler in a pram?

[AnnaCBi]

My toddler is intensely wilful and extremely strong. She’s not yet 2, but I physically cannot get her in the pram when she doesn’t want to. I have hired a sleep/ behaviour consultant (originally was for sleep, But her behaviour has got really tricky recently) who simply can’t understand how I cannot get her in. She will be coming to see, but for now she says ‘I’ve never not been able to get a child in a pram in 40 years’. Even with my husband helping we cannot do it. Am I unreasonable for thinking this to be impossible and give up? I try so hard. It is also entirely on her whim as to whether I can change her nappy, it’s so so tricky! When she runs away I cannot pin her down to do it. So should I give up? Am I unreasonable to think I need to just find other ways to leave the house?

I had one of mine in nappy pants at five months as I couldn't get a nappy on him. I could clean him up but not get the new one on straight so it wouldn't leak. He'd want to stand or twist and crawl away. No distraction worked more than once. He'd just get out of pram straps too. Luckily he would either walk or sit in a sling on my hip or back. From two he'd use a balance bike.

I could not contain my eldest when I was pregnant. I remember once thinking I was going to have to ring DH to rescue us from soft play. Thankfully he came out eventually.

Thank you, that’s a good tip, I have it upright at the moment!

we do go without the pram sometimes as we live very close to the playgroups we go to, and the park is a toddler 5 minutes. But you’re right, she’s too young!

At 2 she’s old enough to understand- we are doing this. Would you like to do it or shall I?

you’ve got a pram but maybe she’d be happier in a stroller? When my son was 2 he could easily climb in himself and it wasn’t as restrictive as a pram - get yourself a one handed push one so you can hold hands if she fancies walking.

if she arches her back- lay the seat down to strap her in lying down then put it up to sitting once she’s calmed down.

teeth- brush your teeth songs on youtube. Let her choose a toothbrush- we have 3 on the go at one time so my son can have some sense of control. Teeth brushing is a non negotiable but he gets to choose which brush.

Solidarity OP, solidarity!

@AnnaCBi

Thanks, I know I need to hear it, I just feel like I am quite tough, I’m used to difficult children all day, but with my own I just hate to hear her cry, she’s extremely stubborn and can wait me out. I need to be a waiting queen!

Honestly, it might be a personality thing that it comes easier to me, but I just can't be arsed with whinging, crying, or big dramatic displays of toddler-ness. I am stubborn and simply do not let toddler bullshit run my life. He's welcome to have a tantrum if he likes, I ignore it.

But I don't like physically wrestling or pinning my son down. I have done, and I can do, but I tend not to. That was necessary on a few occasions but as a rule I talk to him. It's less about being "tough" on them and more about being firm, but fair. I think that's really important to them. They start to develop a little sense of injustice about things although they can't express it.

My son was beyond bunged up recently with a horrendous cold. He couldn't sleep, it was causing a horrible cough from the post-nasal drip. He was miserable. Vicks and Olbas oil weren't cutting it and I told him "we need to use the nose spray" (sterimar). Well, all hell broke loose. He was genuinely upset at the thought. I get it, it's not pleasant. I told him "you need the spray to clear your stuffed up nose. I'm going to spray teddy first for his stuffed up nose, then I'll spray your nose, then you can have two chocolate buttons. One for each nostril."

It took half an hour because he kept pulling away, but we were shut in his bedroom and two chocolate buttons were waiting on his bedside table for him. We got there in the end and all was fine. Some tears beforehand, all resolved fairly without resorting to pinning. Lots of cuddles and praise afterwards.

I meant want does she do that makes it impossible.... rigid, bite, kick, spit, hit, vomit and throw it at you? I've had all of that from various children.

Thank you for this! X

I’ve had this with all 3 - as soon as they could roll circa 3 months it was quite literally a shitshow and I didn’t understand how anyone could do normal nappies but now I’ve learnt not every baby has ants in their pants 😀

Jannier exactly. You’ve had it from minded children as you are a childminder IIRC and are talking about children in that context. Children almost always behave very differently for teachers, childminders, nursery workers and even other family members than with their own parents.

I think this might work for older toddlers but mine doesn’t care yet, I use 2 choices as a strategy that works well with children who have PDA too. When I offer mine choices she says no to both. I do it with her hair bobbles and then she just pulls them out immediately. I also tried with shoes, clothes etc, but she then either says no to both or chooses and then pulls the shoes off and asks for the other pair.

Two choices didn't work with any of mine, offer A or B and they'd say either no or C.

I’m going to try this next. She’s travelled in the basket of the upoababy a few times, so I hope she likes it, unfortunately it has the same issue as scooters etc, in that she isn’t strapped in so can throw a fit at any time!

And mine <sigh>

Best CBeebies voice - ‘right! Would you like your red shoes or blue ones?’

’NO SHOES!’

OK then 😂

It can be effective but it isn’t the failsafe it’s often pushed on here as.

Two choices only worked once they were old enough to understand that those were the only two reasonable options (if they were). Not if they were fake choices.

On your lap if just wet put clean nappy under. Or if using a mat sit on a chair and use you feet to cradle the mat around them lots of tickle fun singing etc. After a few days they start to calm down..never had a 5 month old stand and run off though. They are all getting their nappies and lying down by the time they can walk occasionally needing a hand to guide them by about 18 months were working on pulling own trousers down and sitting on potty before lying down to be wrapped up.

I had no serious issues til 20 months.
maybe she’s ready to potty train, she did calm down today after I’d let her sit on the potty with a dirty bum- then she weed on the floor and lay nicely on the mat when id wiped it up.

But "no" and "C" aren't options.

The options are A or B.

"Let's get shoes on and go out"
"No!"
"Once we've got our shoes on we can go to the park"
"No!"
"Do you want your shoes or your wellies"
"No shoes! No wellies"

I don't argue at this point. We sit in the hallway with a pair of shoes and a pair of wellies until one of them is on. Then we go.

If she’s already throwing a fit it’s less of an issue to have to tackle/strap and go IMO as it’s already an ordeal 😀 let’s both try the buggy board and see how it goes. Good luck!

Mine I had to put in nappy pants just wanted to crawl or stand, hated being on his back. Distractions worked, once only, I tried many. I couldn't put a regular nappy on leak proof if he was standing, he was a slim 7kg so it had to be secure. He had intense focus on what he wanted.

Thank you for this but the pull ups did the job just fine! Was nice and easy x

When I offer mine choices she says no to both. I do it with her hair bobbles and then she just pulls them out immediately

@AnnaCBi

This is pick your battles territory. Shoes are essential. Bobbles are not. You have to let them say no to some things.

Certain things are non-negotiable but I try not to have too many of them. Toothbrushing, suncream, and so on are non-negotiable. But, if my son says no to a bath I question whether he really needs it, or is a quick swipe across the face with a flannel enough to do until tomorrow?

They have to feel like they can say no to some things, or they start to say no to everything.

Yes this - and once they could pull up at 7m standing changes were v easy with pull ups!

love pull ups!

My almost three year old DD is so incredibly headstrong and independent. Basically since she could walk she’s walked rather than go in the pram, but we take it and if she’s reeeeaaallly tired she’ll go in it. Pick your battles and all that - we live fairly rurally though so most outings involve a car so it’s not like we need to walk a mile to nursery or something.
She also hates the car seat, screams non stop constantly from start to end unless she falls asleep and has done since she was a baby. I think some kids hate feeling stuck and restrained more than others.
My mantra is to only say no to the safety stuff - if it’s a big deal to her and a small deal to me, then she can crack on - e.g if she wants to wear a tutu to the shops then fine, if she wont hold my hand by a busy road, not fine. Pick your battles! Solidarity from a fellow exhausted stubborn girl mum 😂
(my dad still dines out on stories of how high maintenance me and my siblings were and even he accepts DD is far, far more stubborn)

How do you keep them in the hallway?