AIBU to give up trying to get toddler in a pram?

[AnnaCBi]

My toddler is intensely wilful and extremely strong. She’s not yet 2, but I physically cannot get her in the pram when she doesn’t want to. I have hired a sleep/ behaviour consultant (originally was for sleep, But her behaviour has got really tricky recently) who simply can’t understand how I cannot get her in. She will be coming to see, but for now she says ‘I’ve never not been able to get a child in a pram in 40 years’. Even with my husband helping we cannot do it. Am I unreasonable for thinking this to be impossible and give up? I try so hard. It is also entirely on her whim as to whether I can change her nappy, it’s so so tricky! When she runs away I cannot pin her down to do it. So should I give up? Am I unreasonable to think I need to just find other ways to leave the house?

I’ve said as much myself: sometimes you have to. You just do. That doesn’t make it brilliant parenting, though, it makes it an act of necessity / desperation.

I haven’t seen any children rattling around cars or running off down roads and the stats on traffic fatalities certainly don’t support your view - children killed or seriously injured on the roads has fallen considerably every year since 1995 and the highest year for recorded incidents was 1979. And of course car use has increased in that time.

Children need to be kept safe and mostly they are. Sometimes they do need to go in a car seat or pushchair or clean their teeth, but it isn’t ‘parenting’ when this is done using physical force, it’s what it is, it’s force.

How do they stand up if you have their legs and their trousers are around their ankles? I've had lots of these can't get a nappy on babies and don't get it ...lay them down trousers down legs up clean nappy on stand them up trousers up . Or do it on your lap why would you do the nappy up standing? By the time they can stand you've been doing nappies for months they don't even think of running off.

Keep sitting them back down saying which one shoes or wellies..or show them outside and say look it's cold/wet/stoney out there your feet will get hurt let's put the shoes on
How are you going to get them to school if you can't keep them in the hall at 2,?

Exactly.

You obviously don't sit in the school car park. Or have children to get to school on time/care about being late you explain acknowledge and insist not say oh sweetheart not today then. I'd love to see you giving injections that are vital to keep a child alive

@jannier

I have no idea what you're on about. What's all the love for nappies?

My son has been in pull up nappies since he was 4 months. I hate tab nappies, they look so uncomfortable.

Changing lying down and standing up in pull ups is fine. Pull ups go on the exact same way you described getting nappies on and off. My son stands up, holds on to me so he doesn't wobble. We take trousers off, pull ups off, new pull ups whipped ups, trousers back on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dullest conversation ever but there you go.

Love pull ups. Lovely soft stretchy waistbands for active babies and toddlers.

So because I point out that children seriously hurt or killed has dramatically gone down in the last forty years, despite use of cars going up, I don’t care about being late to school and injections - what?

Again, no one is saying that it isn’t sometimes necessary to make a child do something. But it is sometimes, using sheer brute force should be a last resort. FYI I’ve been a working parent for two years and we have yet to be late - although I’ll have to get two of them up and out in a few weeks so there is time yet!

Baby in bodysuit, no trousers. I meant he was happy standing and I could easily put nappy pants on that way. If on his back I had one hand for legs, he was flipping his top half over, I needed two more hands to properly secure the nappy or it would leak. He was standing at furniture at five months, it had only been a matter of weeks where it was impossible to get nappies on straight at that point but I'd tried every distraction technique anyone suggested.

You gently “pin them down with your knee”?! This sounds more like a wrestling move than minding a small and vulnerable child???!

He's now in the middle of A levels so school went fine. Forcing him to sit would have meant he would then be in no state to go to the park. When it was actually cold or there was gravel then he would wear shoes without fuss.

I don’t understand what you mean how do they stand? Easily. It’s much easier to do standing nappies. It’s also not a wrong way of doing it, neither are pull ups.

not every child is the same! Often they prefer standing up and it’s far less messy.

100%

Get over yourself, you know exactly what I mean.

I genuinely have no idea what you mean. It sounds horrific - think about it - how big are you and how big is your child? What must it be like for them to be pinned down by someone 5/6 times their weight?

For you - what does she think about it?

why don’t you use pull ups so she can stand if she hates nappy changes? Is she ready to use toilet if she hate nappies? Mine did at 15 months because she wasn’t a fan. Would distraction work? Do you talk through what you’re doing so she’s gets what’s happening?

or even to consider using your hand to hold her instead of your leg? I’m not trying to be confrontational- it’s genuinely feels very uncomfortable to pin a child down because it’s easy for parents rather than figuring out others ways to get the task done in way that feels okay for child.

Maybe use a bike or a scooter instead? Bonus of getting exercise. Mine rarely used buggy over 2, just walked or biked

This..your job as parent is to keep her safe. Sometimes a buggy will be the only safe option. It's great to give choice and encourage loads of independence and I think in doing that you give her confidence and empower her. This might reduce the battles over the buggy ? But sometimes you decide what's happening.. end of. You need to be able to take charge when you need to. It's the same with toothbrushing. You just need to brush their teeth there is no debate about this. She can't choose everything.

😆 you're being ridiculous and you know it.

you commented on my post initially to tell
me how fine pinning your child down was - I disagreed and offered some alternatives. I didn’t offer that advice to you unsolicited- why did you comment if you didn’t want to engage? Or did you just want to speak but not listen?

my suggestions weren’t made to make your life easier - it was for your child. Of course she doesn’t have full understanding but that doesn’t mean she can’t engage in the process and she might understand lots more than you think. Or do you mean under 20 months they can’t use toilet because that’s not true.

Let’s leave it that we have very different approaches to caring for our children. It’s fine if you think mine is ridiculous and I can’t agree with yours so no point continuing to discuss.

Listen you sound like you have it all figured out so let’s leave it there!

Personally and professionally I’m a fan of meeting children where they are at so it’s been fine with me if they’ve met milestones early and both mine did so. We didn’t “train” them, just facilitated them, but it made sense as they did everything else very early too so I will refute your suggestion that some children don’t understand but agree most won’t.

I work with children who have to have medical procedures and conversations around consent and assent feel really important and I would feel very uncomfortable if a parent suggested pinning a child down. you sound incredibly sure that your way is beyond reproach and you just want an argument so I’m not going to debate it with you. You feel your way is best and you know your child and family best, I can’t agree that there isn’t an alternative so debating this is pointless.