AIBU to give up trying to get toddler in a pram?

[AnnaCBi]

My toddler is intensely wilful and extremely strong. She’s not yet 2, but I physically cannot get her in the pram when she doesn’t want to. I have hired a sleep/ behaviour consultant (originally was for sleep, But her behaviour has got really tricky recently) who simply can’t understand how I cannot get her in. She will be coming to see, but for now she says ‘I’ve never not been able to get a child in a pram in 40 years’. Even with my husband helping we cannot do it. Am I unreasonable for thinking this to be impossible and give up? I try so hard. It is also entirely on her whim as to whether I can change her nappy, it’s so so tricky! When she runs away I cannot pin her down to do it. So should I give up? Am I unreasonable to think I need to just find other ways to leave the house?

No I’m not, I would characterise myself as authoritative too, but I believe consent/assent is important and it starts from birth. How do you teach bodily autonomy if you dismiss it as important to you? You belittle other points of view, don’t engage meaningfully and believe you are superior to others which tells me what you are like as a parent. saying you are something doesn’t make you it. I’m not engaging with you on this topic any more as neither of us will change our minds. I’ve a phd in child development so a person making mean comments online isn’t going to persuade me that they parent well - the opposite in fact.

I'm not sure having a child make them self sick catch it and throw it at you is having it easy? Wasn't used to not getting his own way as parents were terrified he would kick off so always gave him what he wanted.

You don’t seem to have an awful lot of respect for the parents who put their children in your care generally, jannier to be honest.

Children generally only vomit in that way through extreme distress. Sounds like rather more than a temper tantrum for ‘not getting own way.’

Could easily be a meltdown in a demand avoidant child. Sky high anxiety levels through loss of autonomy can make a person sick.

A normal nappy can be changed keeping on all clothes and shoes even puddle suits in a couple of minutes start to finish if need to. Nappy pants you have to remove at least one shoe and leg then do threading.....you also can't clean all creases.....few 5 month olds can stand.....which the poster said.

@jannier

Do you have shares in nappies? Why are you asserting things as though they are fact.

As I said earlier in this thread my son has been in pull-ups since 4 months old. They've been great as he was crawling fast by 5 months and is still, at 2 and a half, a very active child. Pull ups are very comfy as they are soft and elasticated the whole way around.

He hasn't been in a nappy since he was a tiny baby and I've never once had an issue changing him. Sometimes we need to do standing changes and he's always sparkling clean, thanks.

No shares but sick of waiting for changing tables while parents fanny about taking a shoe of removing a leg threading all through pants and putting it on again you can if required change 3 in the time they do one and kiddies are off playing much quicker. . The original statement said changing a standing 5 month old which didn't sound right.

@jannier

No shares but sick of waiting for changing tables while parents fanny about taking a shoe of removing a leg threading all through pants and putting it on again

You lead a really strange life hen. Are you drilling peep holes in toilet doors? How do you know how parents are changing their children? If you're in a toilet where you can see a child getting changed avert your gaze and give the wean some privacy. It's none of your bloody business despite being self-appointed Authority on Wiping Arses.

As for all this chat of "threading", I've no idea what you're talking about. I whip my sons breech's off, pulls ups off, wipe his bum, and pull everything back up again.

When your child happily gets changed standing up you're not using a changing table anyway. I can't remember the last time my son was on a changing table.

I meant pull to stand at furniture, not independently. I don't think it's unusual for a crawling baby to also pull to stand.

I feel for you OP, toddlers are hard work. There's many ideas to try on the thread, but I'm sure you'll find your own ways too, and be back in years to come to share them.

At every childhood stage you are finding and adapting ways to parent new challenges and lots is trial and error. It's a case of finding out what works with your DD.

With mine, DD1 had her nappy changed stood up on a window sill - so no escape - from 9 or 10 months. She was wriggler and a climber. The window was not overlooked, but getting her to look at the pigeons etc helped distract her.

DD2 on the other hand needed control, so two choices for lots of things, like dressing etc. With DD1 I'd pretend she needed to put her head in the lions mouth (through the head of her T-shirt) and she loved it!
She also liked it if I laid out a "clothes lady" on the floor of what she was wearing for the day. Then we'd race to get the clothes onto her.

DD2 occasionally hated the car seat. That was solved with a tickle if she went rigid, and a bit of pinning down. It's non negotiable and she soon got bored of playing up when she learnt there was no option.
With the stroller, I'd tickle or pin her in with a knee, do the straps double quick and placate with a toy.

The phrase pick your battles- yep, that was definitely DD2 as a toddler.
Now they're both teens it has swapped and I have to pick my battles with DD1!

Many places have communal baby change pet....people always spout you don't need to take everything off it's quicker(crap) if you remove half and thread .....I'd love to see you clean a standing pooh

Developmentally many babies are just about daily independently sitting at 5 months and starting to crawl about 6

OP my DD was exact same. I used a micro scooter and lead. Or she sat on front bar of the buggy practically crushing her brother

I'd also get a light balance bike asap

https://www.who.int/tools/child-growth-standards/standards/motor-development-milestones

5 months is within the normal range to crawl

As I said to the poster who said there's was pulling to standing at 5 months I said they are typically barely independently sitting by then.

This is NHS guidance on what to expect when

'Should be showing signs of sitting by...' is an upper limit, and lines up with the 95th centile on the WHO data.

I only mentioned my crawling and pulling to stand 5 month old because he was a small active baby, my first so I was inexperienced with securing a nappy one handed, and he wasn't old enough to understand he should just lie there. He was much easier by 9 months. It wasn't meant to be about him hitting milestones at the early end of normal.

This sounds really stressful OP, I've had the same with my son who is now 2 and 3 months. He hated getting into the buggy for the longest time and would scream and scream for 20 or 30 minutes, it was so awful. The only thing that's helped lately has been pointing out other toddlers in buggies and saying that it's not just babies who sit in buggies, it's big boys and girls as well. He seems happier to get in now.

I'm also reading a great parenting book called How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen which has revolutionised my parenting and my relationship with my son. He is very strong willed but his tantrums have dramatically decreased sinc I started using some of their strategies, would definitely recommend checking it out.